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What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Read More
Thank you so much for
Thank you so much for starting this blog. I have been labeled "borderline" several times, but anyone who actually sits down and bothers talking to me long enough to go over the criteria comes to the conclusion that I'm actually not fully borderline. But I have been stigmatized by this diagnosis so much that I've been a victim multiple times over of unethical and illegal practices because I'm "borderline" and no one will take me seriously. For a while, the mental health industry was doing more harm than good in my life.
Luckily, my current therapist actually believes that I can get better. The problem is, apparently, more PTSD than anything. But that's after so much of my life fell apart because I have been stigmatized by this diagnosis. I really appreciate that someone is having a serious discussion about this topic in a public forum because I really think that it is such a misunderstood diagnosis. Thank you, thank you so much!
Thank you for saying this.....
Yes, I agree with this person about starting the blog on Borderline or NOT! I started a BPD blog, and was using it to try and help me achieve some kind of outlet for my thoughts, and to give professionals an idea what a Borderline is about, but erased it...Black and white...cuz thats what we do. Anyhow, I KNOW I am borderline, but like yourself nobody will diagnose me cuz I dont cut myself or try to die in the ways they think people do that. I think this diagnosis can be said that some of us are high functioning Borderlines. I have all the symptoms, but I create art as my outlet. Thats all I do now though, cuz Ive been in crisis mode for about 2 to 3 years now. I cant take care of my family, I dont want anybody around me, I am angry every second of my life, I scream, yell, throw tantrams, but I go out and act perfectly functional to the outside world, so folks dont get it.
My head never stops and then my emotions switch and switch at the smell of perfume my daughter wears and I ask her to stop wearing it and she laughs at me. My husband hates me, and my son is angry.
This winter I was so depressed. I have reciently wanted to die though. Ive desperatly been looking for a Dia something or nother center to help me. Someone called me today. Ive gone back to councling.....I have no friends, my life sucks. This is just a generalized sum of my life. I was abused terribly as a child. Im just very smart and very creative for a "way out". I make ugly art.
I runaway from home alot at age 50! I will get better Ive been waiting for the psych world to catch up! Its about time. People do not have to CUT themselves to have this....I have rage.....
ADHD medicine helps me...alittle bit. Thanks for letting me share.
anger is ok
Having been through a bit of this myself, my belief is that bpd is basically PTSD for women. It seems to be a very sexist label, and it's basically saying that women are not allowed to be angry about bad things that happen to them. We're always supposed to put on the happy face, never rock the boat, have no emotional needs, always put the needs of others before our own. Men can be physically violent and angry, but if a woman gets really angry? She's considered crazy, wacko, out of control. A freak. This is a massive double-standard that creates impossible situations for women who've been abused or are really hurting about something.
If you grew up in an abusive situation, or possibly were abused in some way later in life (whether mentally, emotionally, physically or sexually), these experiences leave wounds that have to be healed just like any other. Abuse *includes* having your feelings dismissed as being unimportant - this can actually be almost worse than more open forms of abuse such as physical or sexual, because it's harder to spot, and is accepted as a *normal* way to treat people. Parents, for example, quite commonly and routinely dismiss their children's feelings as being unimportant or 'not real'.
I personally think (and have read) that so-called 'borderlines' are basically just really sensitive to this kind of dismissal, of being treated like their feelings don't matter. Is the sensitivity innate, or does it develop from years or even a lifetime of exposure to callous, cruel and insensitive treatment by the people around you? Who knows. But it's real, all the same.
Sorry this is so long, a topic dear to my heart...
Anger, fear, shame, pain, sadness, are all *completely* normal human reactions to being treated badly by people who are supposed to care about you. And if you manage to escape the original abusive situation but are unable to find anyone who will help you with the healing process, then the wound remains unhealed, just like a cut that gets infected and is red and ugly a filled with pus. It has to be drained, and depending on how bad the wound is and how long it's been festering, it might take a while to heal.
To me, rage is a sign of anger and resentment that have been festering for a long time with no way to get out. Being stuck with people who won't listen to you or who seem unconcerned, unaffected or unempathetic doesn't help - it just makes things worse.
So getting away from your so-called 'loved ones' is good - until you're able to vent your rage properly, you won't want to be around them. You need them to understand; and if they can't, or won't, it can actually cause the rage cycle to feed on itself and get bigger and bigger until you can find someone who will actually *listen* and not judge or criticize you for being angry. Somebody who accepts that you're angry for a very good reason.
There's a concept called 'invalidation' that I find very helpful around all this: I read somewhere that bpd's basic 'abandonment' wound comes not so much from any *specific* type of abuse, but more that a person was *deeply* hurt emotionally by someone they trusted and/or relied on, such as a parent, friend, spouse, or other kind of emotionally intimate relationship - and then, on top of that already painful experience, had no way to let the pain and anger out. It's having to remain silent, or feeling unheard (invalidated) by the people around you that makes a person crazy. Like a pressure cooker with no relief valve: Eventually the thing will simply explode. Pretty basic, normal, natural stuff.
What helps such a wound heal is to have a 'witness' to your pain - ideally a person who actually was present, and was able to support you , take your side, come to your rescue, whatnot. But that's often not the way it happens, which is why people end up wounded - there's nobody there to help or protect them.
But a witness can still help after the fact, by listening with caring and concern. Of course it has to be genuine, which is where the whole concept of 'validation' comes in. When somebody really 'gets' it, there's this amazing feeling of relaxation that comes over you, of letting go, of being able to move on. Sometimes it takes repeated experiences of this, because the hurt is really big, or has been sitting there a long time, or whatever the reason. Just like you can't water a plant once and expect it never to need watering again, people need to be tended to, emotionally as well as physically, when they're hurting.
Anyway. I just want to say, rage away - but *do* try to remember that the rage can be like a big bucket of acid that you've been hauling around forever and you don't want to throw it in somebody's face. In other words, you *do* have to be a bit careful about who you use it with and how you use it. It can do a lot of damage, sometimes irreparable, to valuable relationships.
On the other hand, it can also be a really good way to find out who your real friends are!
rage held in
I could of written your comment. My mother was narcistic and my father who adored me, did not know me was a workaholic. my brother for no reason wanted nothing to do with me and it has continued into adult years. My rage turned inwards as I was never allowed to show anger led to psychiatric hospital for over 2 years. in and out. It was great there, I was not alone. I got used to being sick and no spoke of bdp theb. 1983. my life has never breen the same susan
BPD
I understand this is one complex disorder but I find these types are perhaps the scariest types of persons and become neutorious for betrayls next to the anti social. I believe that Bi polar depression can be in there somewhere when they dont get their way but who's to say the DSM can be complex in and of itself. So I can't tell too much myself about these shifty Mother f*ckers.UGH!!
Excited
I noticed the link to this blog a couple weeks ago and am glad that it's up and running now. As you said, there is a horrific amount of misinformation out there about BPD, so much so that I caution students and clients regarding reading about BPD online, choosing instead to give them as much empirical research on the matter as they want to read.
The myth that individuals with BPD cannot be treated flies in the face of data demonstrating the efficaciousness of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Such ignorance persists, in large part, because there is not enough dissemination about advances in research. Hopefully this blog will help to fill this void.
Thanks for starting this up.
http://www.psychotherapybrownbag.com
thanks for a great overview
I'm looking forward to your posts!
thanks for a great overview
I'm looking forward to your posts!
thanks for a great overview
I'm looking forward to your posts!
BPD
I am intruiged at the statement of mind and brian. I think I have this condition in some form. But what Pshycological factors help out with Imagery and association? It feels as if this condition is a deveplopmental problem more than any thing. The feelings and though process are confusing.
BPD
I am intruiged at the statement of mind and brian. I think I have this condition in some form. But what Pshycological factors help out with Imagery and association? It feels as if this condition is a deveplopmental problem more than any thing. The feelings and though process are confusing.
Borderline diagnosis/what to do?
I believe my 20 year old daughter is borderline. She has cut since about age 13. She has seen numerous counselors and psychiatrists. Various drugs have been tried. Although no professional has actually diagnosed borderline, she did have one psychologist who abruptly told my daughter that she (the psychologist) could no longer see her. I am in Limbo; afraid to rock the boat. My daughter recently dropped out of college. Although she refuses to discuss all that happened, something traumatic occurred. This triggered an episode with illegal drugs. She ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 5 days. Since she is 20, we have no access to these records. She recently had an epileptic seizure and fell on concrete, causing some brain damage and bleeding. She had no previous history of epilepsy, but the neurologists believe she may have had small seizures throughout her life contributing to her general anxiety. This caused another hospital stay with extensive tests. The resulting severe headaches are the final reason she has left school. For the past 7 years, my husband and I have paid out of pocket for her psychological care. We were initially concerned that if we submitted these bills, she would be marked as having a pre-existing condition. At first we were very hopeful that our daughter was experiencing a traumatic but manageable adolescent "bump" in the road. Although my husband realizes what is happening is much more serious, this is a difficult reality for both of us to face. My husband lost his job 2 years ago, we are now without health insurance, and our daughter's medical bills are breaking us. We do not know what to do. I hesitate to present my fears to my daughter. We are just trying to maintain. Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated.
dbt
I'm sure it's going to come up soon but DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY. It can be hard to find but look toward a teaching hospital's outpatient clinic-they may also have a sliding scale. You can look over the website dbtselfhelp for more information about the program but, seriously... I've been turned away by therapists, told there was no hope for "people like me", and, perhaps most painfully, scared well-meaning therapists with radical dissociation then got more scared by their fear and spiraled until I felt I had to quit because therapy was just too stressful/dangerous for me. But DBT works.
To Gail
There is a great book called BPD (spelled out) in Adolescents by Aguirre. I also have a new book, The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (my first book was Stop Walking on Eggshells).
There is also a free online support forum for parents. See the Welcomne to Oz community on www.BPDCentral.com.
To Gail
There is a great book called BPD (spelled out) in Adolescents by Aguirre. I also have a new book, The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder (my first book was Stop Walking on Eggshells).
There is also a free online support forum for parents. See the Welcomne to Oz community on www.BPDCentral.com.
Fear of getting well
I really like my psychologist - so much so that I don't want to get well and risk losing him. He assures me almost weekly that he will not terminate therapy, that will be something I decide. Besides having 2 sessions per week - I also call him on his cell phone almost every week. He is very caring and understanding as well a professional - but I sometimes try to push the bounderies of our therapist/client relationship.I take multiple psych medicines - both antidepressents and mood stablisers. They help a lot but I still have a lot of problems with lonliness and moodiness.
Person with BPD
Hi everyone. I am 27 years old and have BPD. I've come a long way since being diagnosed 8 years ago. If anyone has any questions, or wants a first-person view or explanation of our borderline ways of thinking and behaving, please, feel free to get in touch with me.
Seperation anxiety
Have you found a way to lessen separation anxiety?
Seperation anxiety
Have you found a way to lessen separation anxiety?
bdp question
hi there,
I'm trying to get help with bpd & I wondered if you could help. what have you found most helpful? dbt? or tfp? & in terms of medication? thanks so very much. I think I have bpd..was diagnosed by 1 therapist but the diagnosis was subsequently dismissed by another therapist. I have never cut or had a suicide attempt but life is still brutal & I really need some good treatment. thanks again.
Re:
Just because you haven't tried to commit suicide (I haven't) doesn't have to mean you don't have BPD. There are nine criterias and five must be fulfilled to be considered borderline. I haven't self-harmed in years for example, but I know that everything else I FEEL is stereotypical borderline.
You can find the BPD criteria of the DSM IV online, maybe you can discuss them with both the doctors you have seen to find out if you have it or not.
If you do, try DBT as fast as possible, that therapy is a blessing.
bdp question
hi there,
I'm trying to get help with bpd & I wondered if you could help. what have you found most helpful? dbt? or tfp? & in terms of medication? thanks so very much. I think I have bpd..was diagnosed by 1 therapist but the diagnosis was subsequently dismissed by another therapist. I have never cut or had a suicide attempt but life is still brutal & I really need some good treatment. thanks again.
Mom of BPD
Please tell me more. My son is also 27 and has been struggling for years. Tough love was never the answer. I am pretty sure he fits the sometimes agonizing BPD.
Leaving
I was wondering if a cycle could occur where the person with bpd would leave a marriage for a week for fear of their partner leaving and be in an another relationship within that week and then come back to the marriage. This has happened numerous times?
How can I get in touch to ask
How can I get in touch to ask some questions.
need your help badly
hello meghan, i want to ask you some questions but don't know how to contact you. I don,t know your email address. or perhaps this may be sent to you through this site. I don't want to go into detail till I know if you are getting this message and if you are still willing to help----if you are, what a life send you would be
thank you for your time,roger
please let me know if you got this message.
help!!!!
hello meghan, are you still available to answer questions?
and also how do i get your email address? i could reaaly use help on my bpd gf.of 8 years. please email me and let me know if you received this.
thank you for your time
you would be a godsend to me
roger
To Randi, Mary, and Meghan
I had checked several times to see if anyone had responded to my comment, and it was not until yesterday that I noticed some additional comments. At the time I posted, I was really down about my daughter's situation. Just seeing your comments cheered me.
Randi, Seven years ago, I immediately bought your book when we realized our daughter was cutting. I have evan suggested the possibility of borderline to several professionals she has seen. I was anxious to embrace their tentative immediate conclusions that our daughter did not present to them as borderline. Presently, our daughter is at home recovering from her head trauma. I remain awake at nights trying to determine a "good" time to introduce the possibility of borderline to her. She is intelligent, has been a peer counselor, taken quite a few psychology courses, and is fairly knowledgeable about psychological issues. Her most current psychiatrist and counselor are about 200 miles away near to the university she was attending. Currently, one of her the anti-seizure drugs is also one that was prescribed by her psychiatrist. Thus, she does not feel the need to see her psychiatrist here, or (horror) back at school (she is somewhat resentful since she called her counselor and psychiatrist at school about her head injury and neither contacted her).
I guess what I'm asking : "How do I cut to the chase and get my daughter help with what I believe to be a borderline personality disorder?"
I apologize for this extended posting. This is a very isolating condition for both the sufferers and the people who care about them. It is a comfort to realize that others know and sympathize. Thanks.
BPD
I have a 24 yo daughter with BPD also. She, too, started having seizures this year. She had some head trauma in 2003 when she had a craniotomy done to get a biopsy of a mass on her optic nerve behind her right eye. She lost vision and it turned out to be a benign tumor(astrocytoma). She had radiation treatment to stop the growth of the tumor. She was 18 when going through all of this. Other things happened at the time as well and she began having some major psychological issues and wound up in the hospital because she was suicidal. She has been to many psychiatrists and therapists(her best one retired) and also medications, but none has really helped. Now, with the seizures and not being able to drive, she's really having problems and is suicidal every day(especially at night, abandonment issues). I need help knowing how to deal with this and how to get her some help. She is going to a therapist about once a month, but does not like her and says she doesn't help. I think she needs to go every week at least for now. She is a hairdresser, but this is affecting her work performance. She does want to be independent eventually. I don't, see how she can afford it.
To Randi, Mary, and Meghan
I had checked several times to see if anyone had responded to my comment, and it was not until yesterday that I noticed some additional comments. At the time I posted, I was really down about my daughter's situation. Just seeing your comments cheered me.
Randi, Seven years ago, I immediately bought your book when we realized our daughter was cutting. I have evan suggested the possibility of borderline to several professionals she has seen. I was anxious to embrace their tentative immediate conclusions that our daughter did not present to them as borderline. Presently, our daughter is at home recovering from her head trauma. I remain awake at nights trying to determine a "good" time to introduce the possibility of borderline to her. She is intelligent, has been a peer counselor, taken quite a few psychology courses, and is fairly knowledgeable about psychological issues. Her most current psychiatrist and counselor are about 200 miles away near to the university she was attending. Currently, one of her the anti-seizure drugs is also one that was prescribed by her psychiatrist. Thus, she does not feel the need to see her psychiatrist here, or (horror) back at school (she is somewhat resentful since she called her counselor and psychiatrist at school about her head injury and neither contacted her).
I guess what I'm asking : "How do I cut to the chase and get my daughter help with what I believe to be a borderline personality disorder?"
I apologize for this extended posting. This is a very isolating condition for both the sufferers and the people who care about them. It is a comfort to realize that others know and sympathize. Thanks.
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