Perhaps "Darling, saying that might hurt the man's feelings, and we don't want to hurt people's feelings"?

Granted I have read that below a certain age kids don't understand empathy, but it might be worth a try.

Agree that it is possible to go too far in avoiding talking about race. As someone of Chinese descent, I don't mind being described as Chinese (race, not nationality) when the description is relevant.

My just-turned-four daughter has started on this one in the past few weeks, and I'm glad to see our answers listed among your suggested responses.

"Mommy, look, that man is brown!"

"Yes,people come in all kinds of colors. Some of your friends are different colors, aren't they?"

"...(Indian friend) is brown too!"

While our town has a great deal of diversity, it tends toward Asian/Indian with a touch of Latino rather than toward African-American. Considering that Maya is well familiar with Barack and Michelle Obama (calls them by name when they're on TV), it's interesting to me that *other* "brown" people are fascinating to her.

It would be interesting to see if this irrationality is a two-way street. Ie, It would be surprising, but maybe some minority members DO get offended when they are described by their ethnicity in innocuous situations. Further, it would be interesting to test the limits of when people get offended versus when they do not.

Different conditions:
-A black person listens in on a game of "guess who" between two white people where racial descriptors are used
-A black person listens to a white person describing the person to a white prospective employer
-A black person listens to a white person describing the person to a black prospective employer

I think it would be interesting and relevant. However, this new inquiry begs the question: is it ethical to offend somebody for the sake of science? Stanley Schachter and Jerome Singer have already (quite famously) shot subjects up with adrenaline and deliberately made them feel angry, so the precedent has been set.

in the grocery store. He was very small, probably just learning to talk. We grew up in a racially diverse area, but he wasn't old enough to have met too many people outside our family. He said the same thing to my mom "mommy, that man has a brown face." I was maybe 8 at the time, but I remember my mother's reaction perfectly, she was so embarrassed. I remember being 8 and thinking this was the weirdest reaction! Why didn't she just say "yes, everyone looks different"? But now I have to wonder if she wasn't embarrassed that my brother SAID that, but that she, as a parent, hadn't exposed him to enough people of other races that he wouldn't have been so surprised. That would probably be a source of embarrassment for me if nothing else.

You happened to touch a point that's been bothering me, so I'd like to rant a bit and ask a question. I apologize if I sound harsh, it's not against you, or anyone, I'm just frustrated.

Do you think it's really impossible not to notice race? I honestly don't notice it sometimes, but I'm starting to second guess myself since when it comes up, everyone tells me it's impossible.

I don't notice a lot of physical things. I don't remember what people were wearing, whether they had glasses, how big their breasts were, whether they cut their hair (bad me). My brother once shaved his eyebrows in order to find our how long it would take me to notice. I never did.

When I was growing up, race was never an issue. I was about 18 when I found out what mine was. My parents never cared, and I never really noticed it. This might be really screwed up on my part, but it's true. Is it really that far fetched?