Science and Sensibility

A psychological potpourri

Ten Commandments to Stop Quick Ejaculation

Practically everyone wants a great love-sex relationship. Can you improve yours? Hear what sex and couples relationship expert, Dr. Joel Block, has to say. Read More

Partner believes there is only one right way

"remind myself that the idea that there is one “proper” and “normal” way of satisfying my partner—with my penis—is false and very limiting."

How do you deal with the fallout/shame from a PARTNER who is wedded wholly to this idea, refuses to be brought to orgasm any other way, and describes sex as "a waste of time" as a result? Genuine question - this is my life!

Find someone who can enjoy

Find someone who can enjoy the sex you have to offer.. think of it this way. What if the only way for you to orgasm was for your penis to be touched but your partner kept telling you that this isn't the only normal way and would only try to get you to orgasm by giving you backrubs or cupping your testicles...

You mean you would prefer for your partner to satisfy you in the way that YOU KNOW is satisfying, instead of refusing to orgasm from a backrub, like you are suggesting of your partner.... That one just refuses to feel a certain way with something. That seems to be a very self-centered conclusion.

Do you HONESTLY "refuse to be brought to orgasm" because you'd rather your partner touch your penis and not your shoulders? This, in your mind is a "refusal"?

Sounds like you're trying to defend yourself instead of accepting that you two aren't sexually compatible. She may be able to give you what you need so it must really suck to not be able to give her what she needs. But instead of accepting that you can't offer her what she needs/wants you blame her for not lowering her expectations to suit YOUR needs.

Could you honestly imagine your girlfriend telling you that she knows that you've expressed how you enjoy yourself the most and what you get the most pleasure from and her telling you "well I'm can't too that, you should learn how to get the most pleasure from what I do know how to do, which is give backrubs. I know you don't find nearly as much pleasure from it, but it's what I'm willing/able to do and it's your problem is you don't like it?

Maybe you two should split ways and find someone you are more compatible with.. If you know a woman LOVES penetrive sex and you're not good at it, then go find a girl who would rather being gone down on, don't get into a relationship with choice A then expect her to change how she is sexually pleasured, to suit your abilities.

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Dr. Bill Knaus, Ed.D., is the author of more than 20 books; one, "Overcoming Procrastination", was co-authored with Albert Ellis.

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