Science and Cruelty

Children often have an optimistic view of life, and generally happy lives (at least in retrospect). I find that travelling back in time to parts of my childhood can help a great deal, either by reminiscing about it with people who were there, or even simply by revisiting my childhood interests and passions.

For me that might involve visiting the park I used to play at when I was little, playing one of the classic video games that I loved, even just thinking about time spent at my best friend's or my grandparents' house. Connecting with the younger me in such a way puts me in a very different (and happy) mindset.

Sounds boring, but I think other kinds of work can be as effective as housework in distracting you from human nastiness. So, indeed, can spending time with nice people. There are still some of those around.

And, if you're lucky enough to be able to do so (and salve your conscience with some reputable offsetting!), travelling to new places can be a wonderful distraction device.

A resounding yes to reading and re-reading classic novels-- Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey for humour and Persuasion for steadfastness. Some modern novels are worth reading as well: Alexander McCall Smith's "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" series, which is really an extended love song to Africa, and in particular,Botswana; and the "Sunday Philosophy Club" series, if people can stomach a sometimes slightly annoying, but well-meaning, heroine. Pamela Aidan's novels featuring "Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman," are an homage to Austen, and better than most. Jeanne Ray's novels, all featuring women "of a certain age" (who do not, thank heaven, spend most of their time shopping for name-brands!)make me laugh out loud.

Charitable work-- actual physical work in a food bank or homeless shelter, or building homes for Habitat for Humanity-- doing something concrete to make the world a better place for those who need help most.

Finally, choral singing-- whether in a church, school or community choir, is a fabulous tension release. There's something uplifting about getting together with others with the goal only of making a beautiful sound. Can't sing? You can still support your local school or community choirs by attending their concerts. Too much trouble? Watch "Glee" on TV-- hilarious, and they have great music, too.

1. Empowering myself: if something really gets to me, I try to ask myself, "What can I do to help?" Even if it's just something like boycotting a product or signing a petition, doing what I can to help makes me feel better. Small actions *can* help change the world!

2. Focus on the good: yeah, there's cruelty in the world--sometimes stunning cruelty. But things *are* getting better [albeit at what can seem to be an excruciatingly slow pace]. People everyday are doing good--we should always try to remember that.

3. Meditation: using prayer beads and listening to beautiful chants helps me to stay balanced and happy. Meditation also helps me from taking on other people's negativity or their issues. It helps clear the mind.

4. Talking: communicating what bothers me about the world helps me a lot. Talking to a friend, someone in my family, or anyone I trust about an atrocity I saw on the news helps me work through my feelings of misanthropy.

5. Heavy-duty physical exercise: if none of the above help, I'll hit the gym and sweat out my anger.

Hope these suggestions can assist others in overcoming their own misanthropy. It may seem like we're surrounded by negativity and evil. But it all depends on our perspective and what we want to emphasize.

Cuddling my dogs makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Not long ago I was reading an article on another site about some exceptionally horrific bullying, and began thinking back to the days when I was bullied. The article I read involved two bullies restraining other kids, stripping them, and beating them until they cried. My personal experience with bullying involves, among many things, being violently stabbed with a pen in school. I began thinking of how cruel PEOPLE can be (note the choice of wording; I did not ignorantly pigeonhole half the population as nothing more than natural savages capable not of love or compassion but rather only outrageous acts of violence). I then decided to look up some articles on cruelty. When I found yours (April '09) I quickly learned that females are not capable of being cruel. This made me think back to being stabbed (twice actually) in school by a female. Suddenly the haunting memory ceased to upset me anymore. You see, once I learned that she wasn't being cruel I was able to move on. I guess the two scars I have aren’t the result of cruelty after all. Also, I realized that the female "bullies" from the article I read weren't "bullies" at all. They were sweet little girls made of sugar and spice! Obviously the two were incapable of being cruel due to their lack of a y chromosome. Realizing that only males commit cruelty was key in me moving forward as a person. Thank you Kathleen for your use of solid science to help me move on with my life. ; ).