The first time I went on television as a guest expert, I was very scared. I was invited on a half hour show to talk about sibling rivalry and, believe me, a half hour seemed like a very long time. My worst fear was that the interviewer would ask me some question and I would freeze and start to sweat and stutter, which was ridiculous because I could easily talk about the subject with anyone anywhere - just not on T.V.
So I came up with a trick to help me tame my fears. I decided to make a mantra - a couple of words that described the state of mind that I wanted to be in during the show. I chose confidence and fun. During that morning, as I was preparing to go to the station, I repeated to myself - confidence, fun, confidence, fun. In my car, on the way - confidence, fun. In the make-up room, silently to myself - confidence, fun. During the interview, I felt confident and learned that being on T.V. is a lot of fun! When I walked off the set, the technician said to me, "That was great! You must do this all the time!"
Since then, whenever I have to face something challenging or painful, I make a mantra that defines my preferred state of mind. When my mind is preoccupied repeating my chosen words, negative worried thoughts cannot get a toe-hold. You can't be thinking both, "Oh my god, I'm going to screw up" and "confidence, fun" at the same time! Words have tremendous power, so even if you are not feeling confident, just the mere fact of repeating that word in your mind "hypnotizes" your sub-conscious and you'll find that your confidence naturally grows. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to redirect your thinking toward the life-affirming message you want to embrace.
This trick is very useful when you must come face-to-face with an ex-partner, whether at a kid's soccer practice or in your lawyer's office. These high-stress encounters can feel very overwhelming but you can gain a sense of control by using a mantra. Let's say you have a legal meeting related to child custody coming up. Repeating three words, such as "calm, focused, businesslike" can help you achieve the demeanor that is most likely to contribute to your success in such an important setting. You have more control over your emotions than you think!
