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The actions that evoke short-term regret are not those that evoke long-term regret
Interested in these topics? Go to Sapient Nature. "Act in haste and repent at leisure" is a popular adage by which many people lead their lives. The adage calls for playing it safe, reminding us that it is "better to be safe than sorry." As a result, when invited to sing Karaoke, most people turn down the invitation despite privately feeling better qualified than the other singers. They turn down the opportunity fearing ridicule and criticism. Likewise, when we encounter an attractive stranger, say, at a bar or coffee shop, most of us do nothing other than steal furtive glances, fearing that the attractive stranger might spurn the interest. Why are we so afraid of taking these types of risks?
Interested in these topics? Go to Sapient Nature.
"Act in haste and repent at leisure" is a popular adage by which many people lead their lives. The adage calls for playing it safe, reminding us that it is "better to be safe than sorry." As a result, when invited to sing Karaoke, most people turn down the invitation despite privately feeling better qualified than the other singers. They turn down the opportunity fearing ridicule and criticism. Likewise, when we encounter an attractive stranger, say, at a bar or coffee shop, most of us do nothing other than steal furtive glances, fearing that the attractive stranger might spurn the interest.
Why are we so afraid of taking these types of risks?
Work by Gilovich, Medvec, and their colleagues sheds light on this question. People are generally reluctant to do things that evoke "hot regret." This type of regret results when our actions lead to a negative outcome; in contrast, when our inactions lead to negative outcomes, we experience "cold regret."
To understand the difference between these two types of regrets, consider the following example: Let's say that you are standing in the checkout line at the grocery store and notice that the line next to you is moving faster. So, you move over to that line, only to discover that the original line in which you stood is now moving faster. You would experience hot regret in this example--since the negative outcome was due to the action you took. Contrast that with a different scenario, one in which you continue to stand in the original line, only to discover that had you moved over to the other line, you would have finished your business faster. In this case, you would experience cold regret, since the negative outcome was due to your inaction.
A question one may ask is: Which type of regret do people find more aversive?
The answer is interesting: In the short-term, we find hot regret to be more aversive. This is precisely why we turn down the invitation to belt out a karaoke number, and pass up the opportunity to introduce ourselves to a good-looking stranger. In the long-term, however, it is the cold-regret that we find more aversive. Therefore in the winter years of life, we are more likely to regret not having had the courage to pursue our passion to learn ballet, or not having taken the opportunity to invest in a promising business idea. In the long-term, we are much less likely to regret messing up a song, or introducing ourselves to a stranger that ignored us. In fact, with the passage of time, the actions that once induced embarrassment are the very ones that become cherished as stories to be re-told to others a million times.
Why do we have the tendency to find hot, vs. cold, regret more aversive in the short run? Although there are multiple reasons for this, an interesting one is that we are hard-wired to levy a heavier penalty when one's actions result in a negative outcome than when the same negative outcome is the result of our inactions.
Consider the following example as an illustration of this idea: Imagine that you are in the finals of a hard-fought tennis tournament and that, the evening before the final game, you watch your fellow finalist walk into a restaurant that you know serves spoiled food. In this situation, if you did not intervene--that is, if you let your opponent walk into the restaurant and consume the food--you would have committed a sin of inaction. Now, imagine instead, a different scenario, one in which your opponent approaches you for recommendations for where to eat, and you recommend the restaurant that serves spoiled food.
The outcome in either of scenario is the same, namely, the possibility that your opponent suffers from food poisoning. However, in the former instance, the outcome would have resulted from your inaction, whereas, in the latter case, it would have resulted from your action, and most societies levy heavier penalties on the latter, "sins of commission," than the former, "sins of omission."
While it might seem reasonable that sins of commission should be punished more severely than sins of omission, the same rule doesn't apply with regard to hot vs. cold regret. To lead a fulfilling and meaningful life, it seems, it is important to overcome hot regret and take actions that might result in embarrassment, belittlement, and insecurity in the present moment, but will ultimately add richness, variety and "life experiences" in the longer term. Thus, as Tennyson suggests, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
My mother regularly reminds me of this principle--the principle of following my dreams and doing things I am passionate about right away rather than postponing them for a future occasion. Her one big regret in life is that she did not act on her passion to get a higher education and to pursue a challenging career. She chose, instead, to be a stay-at-home mom. She's now repenting, at leisure, the fear of failure that prevented her from following her passion.
So, the next time someone asks you to get on stage to sing a song, go for it. Rest assured in the knowledge that you won't regret having done so in the long-term. For a related view, see this PT blog post.
Interested in these topics? Go to Sapient Nature.
Interested in these topics? Go to Sapient Nature.
