Rethinking Men

What masculinity means in the 21st century.

by Anthony Synnott, Ph.D.

How to Cope with a Beautiful Narcissist

Reflecting on "How to spot a narcissist" in PT August 2011.

Published on December 2, 2011 by Anthony Synnott, Ph.D. in Rethinking Men

1. Enjoy her beauty, as long as it lasts and you are together.

2. This narcissism, whatever its origins (wealth, beauty, family etc) means drama, trouble, selfishness, egotism, using, manipulation...Get used to it. (That's coping, right?)

3. No whining, moaning, grumbling or complaining, please. You picked her.

4. It's not about you, but her. Suck it up.

5. Let's not circle round her like a moth round the flame, or we will be burned—again. Keep going straight, on your course; so when she drops you, you will survive and not have lost your identity in hers.

6. Keep your sense of humour. Told right the stories will be an endless source of amusement...perhaps...sometimes...in retrospect...at least to everyone else.

7. Counter-balance her amazing psychic weight with the lightness of the relatively normal. Ignore the third commandment.

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8. It is a learning experience, so that's good...and bad: there is stuff we did not want to learn.

9. Keep complimenting her. Be her social mirror (perhaps slightly distorting) to go with the others in her place. She loves it, wants it, expects it, needs it, and will drift without it; and flattery will get you what you want. This reinforces the narcissism, of course, so it is only a short-term coping mechanism, but short-term is good in the long run; and in the long run everything is short-term.

10. You can't cope! Don't even bother trying. Ignore all the above. Just enjoy. Or run for your life.

PS. It's not about you, dear. Sorry.