Resolution, Not Conflict

The guide to problem-solving.

What Can You Learn at a Gay Wedding?

These two men's wedding vows reminded me why love and marriage matter.

Weddings are times for reflection.This weekend I went to a wedding.  As my nephew and the man he loves became legallly as well as spiritually married, I felt deeply moved.  They understood already what makes a healthy marriage such a life-enhancing relationship. 

Many thank-yous to B.N. and A.S., the wedding couple, for permission to reprint their wedding vows:

Spoken by B.N.

I love to arrive home after a day of work and see you, cook with you, have a glass of wine and watch some TV with you. 

I love to wake up the day after, hug you, kiss you, and leave to work. 

I feel so fortunate. Sharing together the ordinary tasks of everyday life makes me so happy. I'm much happier now than before I met you. 

As many people say, we marry not only the person, but also the family. And for that I also am so fortunate. Your family is so welcoming. I feel so comfortable with them. It's like if I had known them for 20 years.

I love you so much. 

 

Spoken by A.S.

In Hebrew, there’s a word Dayenu, which means “It would’ve been sufficient”. So I must say… If you were simply an intelligent, motivated man brimming with positivity who readily opened up your heart to me, Dayenu.

If you had simply taken me on numerous adventures within New York City, all over the US, Brazil and soon Europe, with lots more to come, Dayenu.

If you had simply pushed me to better my life in all sorts of ways, from working harder at my full-time job to optimizing my returns from my music performance work, increasing my income from my investments, eating healthier and exercising more, Dayenu.

I was aiming very high, looking for a spouse who had over 100 qualifications, and I met one who satisfied over 200 qualifications, many of which I didn’t even know that I needed, such as fulfilling my desire to learn a new language and finding someone to cook with me, together creating fantastic meals for ourselves and our frequent guests.

It's amazing how easy it is to tell you, "I love you." At the same time, every time I do it, it makes me happier and happier.

I love to hold you and protect you and have you protect me.

In our two and a half years together, we’ve been through quite a lot: moving apartments twice, starting new jobs, finding and purchasing our own place, planning this wedding and making plans for expanding our family. With every project we’ve completed, it shows me more and more that we can do absolutely anything together. Life can create a lot of challenges, and we are up for facing them as a team.

I vow to take care of you and give you everything you need. I vow to take care of myself so that we will be able to look after each other and our future generations, hopefully for a very long lifetime.

I vow to appreciate everything you do for me and do to at least as much for you.

I vow to surprise you with new and intriguing delights and also to remember all the wonderful things we’ve done together over the years.

I vow to have lots of fun with you, whether we are running errands or travelling the world.

I vow to make it clear just how much you mean to me.

From the moment that I first met you, I knew you were the perfect one for me.  I’m so happy to be sharing this joyful marriage celebration here with you.

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My nephew and his new husband understood that's it not the occasional grand flourishes but rather the simple moments of everyday life that hold the key to how to sustain a joyful marriage.

For this reminder, I thank them.

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(c) mg7 www.fotosearch.com Stock Photography
 

In her clinical practice, books, and interactive online marriage education program, Denver psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D.specializes in teaching couples the skills for sustaining a harmonious and loving marriage partnership.

Susan Heitler, Ph.D., is the author of many books, including From Conflict to Resolution and The Power of Two. She is a graduate of Harvard University and New York University.

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