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While people may label anxious feelings stress, fears, worries, tension or "my nerves," the feeling of anxiety is an unpleasant one. To escape anxious feelings, it can be tempting to try to distract yourself. In fact, directly addressing the situation that's stirring up anxiety problems is usually the fastest route to ending the icky feelings. Read More
Anxiety
I found it very interesting that both people in your story thought it was something "they" had done or didn't do. I liked how your childhood or former relationships DO influence your current ones. This is why therapy is important. To work through the past so you can actually be in the present.
Super-conscientiousness
Very perceptive! You are totally right that anxious people tend to assume that others' apparently negative emotions are because of something they "did or didn't do."
That's why asking is so important and so often brings relief.
You are right also that if in your past you were exposed to someone who was frequently critical, you are likely to expect criticism from others in the present.
Thanks for sharing these observations!
drh
I have a neighbor who is
I have a neighbor who is highly anxious. My husband asked if she would mind moving her car to her side of the street. She called me immediately to apologize because she thought we were angry with her. I had to explain we were having company who used a wheelchair and it was just for convenience. I know she has a father who is constantly belittling her. She's 60....and she still feels like a child. She brings her insecurity into all her relationships and therefore never has a lasting one. I am recommending she read your article!!
A perfect example
Your neighbor totally exemplifies the tendency to feel that things are always one's own fault that underlies worrying for many people who experience chronic anxiety.
Often it's helpful to check if something you have done is a problem,and to be willing to take responsiblity for your part in difficulties. At the same time, anxiety problems can indicate too much of this good thing.
Great example also of the childhood sources of excessive expectation that folks will be mad at you....
Anxiety
Dr. Heitler, Your article is so insightful! We live in a world of constant stress. It is hard not to worry about the future. I will try your technique to not look too far ahead.
I'll try "not to worry."
Trying NOT to do something turns out to be less effective than trying to ADD a new habit.
Focusing on the WILL DO's increases the odds that habit change will succeed.
e.g.,
When I catch myself worrying about the future I WILL.... bring myself back to the present and refocus on the very next thing I want to do.
Wishing you all the best with your new anti-anxiety technique!
drh
what about anxiety in the post tramatic sense?
great article, but though i've seen countless doctors, and tried all of their techniques, nothing seems to work all that well. i have ptsd due to my time in iraq, as a tank crew member, or glorified infentry, i saw some things. im not looking for sympathy or anything, just maybe some new ways to help.. for example, crowds in iraq=bad, so though i know im not there, crowds cause me to have pretty bad anxiety attacks, as well as someone behind me and so on and so forth.. the meds debilitate me so, anti anxiety pills while im working is bad, im a sales man.. guess im just looking for something new to try, something that can make me feel normal wiothout being drugged up all the time..
There is help for you.
I wrote about the new energy psychology treatments in my blogpost at
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201110/energ...
Have you been treated with these techniques yet?
In addition to the post, be sure to go to the Comments. A woman named Vicki posted there good links to a page about EFT (emotional freedom technique) and a link also to a video of using this treatmet with vets.
Dale in our offices can treat people via Skype. Where to you live? We (Dale Petterson and I) may be starting a research project shortly on your kind of ptsd (war-induced) to test which techniques work best. If you can contact my office via my website at therapyhelp.com I'll keep you posted.
Thank you for sharing your concerns with us,
drh
Crinc
Crinc anxiety helped me (google "crinc anxiety" to see what I mean) It might help you too if you have panic attacks or anxiety.
Don't neglect the body
I find that the symptoms of anxiety transfer to my body and, once they have taken root, I cannot shift my thinking without purging the body first. I have found that forward movement, anything from walking to sprinting, is the most helpful for removing the physical symptoms of tension, shallow breathing, and rapid heart rate. The higher the intensity of the exercise, the shorter the duration needed to allow the body to reset. After running, I am able to meditate, do breathing exercises, or simply garner a new perspective on the problem. http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com
Fascinating
Anxiety reflects a state of mental immobilization, that is, of frozen thinking. Instead of being able to proceed with problem-solving, a person who is anxious gets stuck with thoughts either spinning or unfocused. Physical movement forward may be an important way to loosen up the stuck-ness to launch mental forward movement.
Thanks so much stilllearning2b for sharing this discovery with us!
Tips
Great job as usual Susan.
I think you're so right about what you called the 'state of mental immobilization'. I've never heard anyone describe it that way but that's exactly how it feels. It becomes easy to default into that fear mode to the point where it becomes habitual causing us to trigger our own anxiety (and panic attacks).
Thank you ! - Bill
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