"Trying to end thumbsucking will do more harm than good," our genial dentist advised me.  He was concerned that parents would end up fighting with their child or damage the child's self-image by calling attention to sucking habits. 

In response to this advice I initially tried to relax and let the thumbsucking continue in spite of my chagrin.  Gradually I came to my senses. 

"My dentist is great with teeth, but should I trust his psychological advice?" I thought, remembering that I in fact was a psychologist.  So I put on my psychologist's hat and thought again. 

"Looks are hugely important to one's success in life.  Allowing thumbsucking to damage facial appearance is wrong advice.  By the time a child is four or five, with the habit no longer socially appropriate and permanent teeth coming shortly, the risks of continuing to thumb or finger suck clearly outweigh the benefits." 

Fired up by that realization, I sat down and wrote a story about a child who breaks a thumbsucking habit.  The next day, plopping my three year old son next to me, I read the story aloud. 

My son was mesmerized.  Even more astounding to me, at the end of the story he promptly announced that he was making the same decision as the boy in the story.  He decided to stop sucking his thumb. 

From this experience came my first book, David Decides About Thumbsucking.  In addition, research for the parents' section after that follows the story in the book gave me an education on overcoming addictions.  

Here's the main principles I learned. 

Beyond thumbsucking, these lessons apply to mistaken childhood habits of all types, like nail-biting, hair-pulling or twisting, whining, shouting, biting and hitting.  They apply also to grownup addictions ranging from drugs or cigarettes to gambling, affairs, and excessive anger.

Lesson #1  Addictions begin because they serve a purpose, and may serve additional functions over time.  

In a study with premature infants, researchers found that infants who sucked their thumbs or a pacifier had shorter hospital stays.  That was because rhythmic sucking soothed them so that they spent less energy in crying.  In addition, sucking re-optimized their heart beats and breathing patterns if they were beginning to get upset.  It had the same positive impact if they were fussing because they had been getting bored. Sucking even regulated the muscle movements of peristalsis in their gut so they digested their food more efficiently.

In studies of children who do or do not suck a thumb, finger or pacifier, it turns out that the suckers become emotionally more independent at a younger age.  Researchers put a child and mom on one end of a long room.  On the far end were appealing toys.  The suckers ventured further and played with the toys away from Mom longer than the non-suckers.  They all had similarly positive interactions with Mom on returning to her.  They just had higher self-confidence in being able to handle independent play, knowing that if they felt stressed they could suck for a bit, feel better, and resume playing on their own.

It's generally not until they become toddlers that the downsides of thumbsucking begin to outweigh the gains.  Kids then tend to suck when they are trying to fall asleep, when they bored, when they are idling between activities, or to self-soothe when they are upset.  Understanding when the habit occurs and its well-intended purposes enables you to find alternative solutions.

Lesson #2  Addictions continue because they are gratifying.

Addictions, including thumbsucking feel good.  That's part of why they take on a life of their own long after the original purpose has passed.  Once the original purpose no longer is there, they are "self-reinforcing" because they continue to generate positive feelings of some sort.

Four and five year old children do not have to suck to regain a positive emotional state  By then they have multiple means of calming themselves when they are upset, and of entertaining themselves when they feel bored. They are no longer dependent on their thumb or pacifier as their only option.  They can walk into a different room and find a new toy if they are bored, run to mom for a hug if they feel upset, and open the refrigerator door to pull out an apple if they are hungry. Yet the sucking is likely to continue.  That's because it feels good.

Lesson #3  Ending a habit starts with a decision. 

Almost all attempts to end addictions, at any age, begin with receiving new information.

Someone--in the case of kids' sucking addictions that's usually a parent, an older sibling, a dental professional, a teacher or a grandparent--needs to raise the issue and offer new information that makes continuation of the habit look less appealing.  I wrote the book David Decides About Thumbsucking both to give this information to the adult, and to provide a non-threatening story that the adult can use to convey the information to the child. 

The tone of this connversation is sensitive.  Keep it friendly, more as adult-to-adult information-sharing than as parent-to-child advice-giving.

The communication skills that enable couples to talk collaboratively about sensitive issues apply to these conversations. Even though the child is young,  the conversation is likely to go best if authorities appeal to the adult thinking part of the child.  That part of a child's brain emerges by age three and a half or four, which makes that a good age for habit-stopping.  

Avoid the kind of talking that makes the child feel bad about himself, motivating via shame or guilt.  Avoid also setting up a power struggle by demanding that the child has to do give up the thumb habit because of your superior power, i.e., "...because I said so!" 

Lesson #4  Habit-ending proceeds most effectively when it's motivated by a combo of fear and desire.

Decisions to end addictive habits generally include elements that are both fear-motivated and motivated by the gains that will come with overcoming the habit.

In the David Decides story David looks in the mirror and has a heart to heart talk with himself.

"My thumb in my mouth feels good but I look silly.  My thumb in my mouth makes me look like a baby."  In addition, thinking of what his brother Michael had explained about why he was wearing braces, David thinks, "I want my teeth to stay just the way they are right now."               

It helps though that David has a positive goal as well.  He learned from his older brother Michael, "Mom offered to take me to the toy store to pick out something special if I could sleep thirty nights without my thumb."