Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

My wife and I have always

My wife and I have always been 100% open and honest with each other. If you can't be, you married poorly.

Jerry Lewis said that the

Jerry Lewis said that the most scandalous things about Dean Martin was that he was faithful to his wife and didn't drink.

(That was apple juice he was holding on his variety show).

That's a nice story but it doesn't address the issue.

They were a perfect example of so many American men and women basing a marriage on physical attraction and charm and later finding out there is nothing of substance to the relationship.

If you are a woman and don't want to play mind games.....

If you are female and don't want to spend a lifetime playing mind games I suggest not getting married. All these rules, what one is allowed to do and what not to do, what one is allowed to say and not to say, it's ridiculous. Who can live like that? It's so not worth it.

Stereotypes abound

Certainly there is no shortage of men who don't communicate effectively. However, I have found in my marriage (18 years) that sometimes sharing your feelings is insufficient if your feelings don't reflect the preconceived notions of your spouse. She claims to want intimacy but is actually looking only for affirmation of her beliefs. If what you say is not consistent with what she believes, you are withholding true intimacy (she's not projecting). Hence the cycle of the male saying nothing or speaking in platitudes. I don't disagree with the general premise of your article but felt it should be pointed out that honesty and intimacy are a 2-way street and the dynamic can be complex.

ISad How Men Are Cold, Distant Users, Yet Blame Females f

@All females, women, girls,

Do you all realize that there are so many things that are terribly wrong with the male gender when it comes to the way that they relate to females, the way they want man-woman relationships to function, how they view our significance as human beings. Do you now understand that the basic way that men want women to be in a relationship is for the man's use. Men's minds are more towards the thinking that females should leave them be, except when they need you for sex, topless to give him visual pleasure, silent without an opinion,, doing all the child care of the children that you all share together, providing a comfortable clean home, and cooking meals for him to devour without even a thank you. We females get married with hopes and dreams of living with a romantic husband but later find that he has lost interst in us and has grown cold and distant because as males are they need to desire their female to provide everything without them having to lift a finger, give a smile, or a p,easing word to the female.
Listen. Females, you all can label me as any way you all want. But I speak the truth from what I see, hear, and read

Now I am not saying that all males follow the trend that objectifies, uses, and disrespects the female gender. There are some good men out there, like in the female gender, all females are not gold diggers and look for what they can get out of men. The same goes for the male gender.
Many of us seasoned, aware, strong females, are afraid or just reluctant to speak up on these type forums and other places. But females we need to talk so,that young naive, gullible females can hear from us on what we know . We need to inform that their value comes from them alone and not from relationships from men. Let sis wise females help other females to know that there is a trend going on where the male gender find fault and blames the ills of relationships solely on the female.

The question is what do you do about your findings

You say "We females get married with hopes and dreams of living with a romantic husband but later find that he has lost interest in us"... they way to avoid that scenario is for women to demand a return to healthy courtship instead of being Friends With Benefits or being Joined at the hip, which are not likely to lead women to their goal of an intelligent, long-term, committed relationship that may lead to marriage. There are positive steps to take instead of blaming men when women actually have a choice of healthy courtship or the mindless coupling we see in 2014.

Sorry about the errors in my

Sorry about the errors in my previous comment. I am awkward on this IPAD

Women Need To Avoid Marriage, Since We Are Expected Exalt Our Husbands

@J.R. Bruns,
What are men blamed for? From where I stand, I see the woman as the one who is blamed. We as a country do not blame men, for anything. In fact, women are the ones who the relationship websites and blogs scold, criticize, and demean through long drawn out articles that tells women what to do to keep a man interested in you, even though he too will get old and ugly

But if you are honest, you will admit that women are continuously blamed, and the evidence is ll over the Internet. Some of the things that men blame women for, are when the man cheats, we say the woman has let her appearance go, gained too much weight, didnt give enough sex, wasn't freaky enough. was nagging, was too clingy, and the list goes on. Men beat women over the head constantly, for everything about us and our bodies. The woman is expected to do it all in the relationship. We must redo ourselves, think like a man, kiss up to him, praise and exalt him. What woman has time to do all and be all for him and everyone else, and fix relationship problems with a cold, distant man, who will get bored and say, it's not enough.

Now explain to us how you arrived at your comment. There are some of us who need examples.

What are men blamed for, Jean?

ISad How Men Are Cold, Distant Users, Yet Blame Females f

Submitted by Anonymous on July 20, 2014 - 1:41pm.

@All females, women, girls,

Do you all realize that there are so many things that are terribly wrong with the male gender when it comes to the way that they relate to females, the way they want man-woman relationships to function, how they view our significance as human beings. Do you now understand that the basic way that men want women to be in a relationship is for the man's use. Men's minds are more towards the thinking that females should leave them be, except when they need you for sex, topless to give him visual pleasure, silent without an opinion,, doing all the child care of the children that you all share together, providing a comfortable clean home, and cooking meals for him to devour without even a thank you. We females get married with hopes and dreams of living with a romantic husband but later find that he has lost interst in us and has grown cold and distant because as males are they need to desire their female to provide everything without them having to lift a finger, give a smile, or a p,easing word to the female.
Listen. Females, you all can label me as any way you all want. But I speak the truth from what I see, hear, and read

Now I am not saying that all males follow the trend that objectifies, uses, and disrespects the female gender. There are some good men out there, like in the female gender, all females are not gold diggers and look for what they can get out of men. The same goes for the male gender.
Many of us seasoned, aware, strong females, are afraid or just reluctant to speak up on these type forums and other places. But females we need to talk so,that young naive, gullible females can hear from us on what we know . We need to inform that their value comes from them alone and not from relationships from men. Let sis wise females help other females to know that there is a trend going on where the male gender find fault and blames the ills of relationships solely on the female.

Do you need another example?

Still Waiting

Still waiting RJ on your list of things women blame men for.

That example wasn't enough for you?

Read Helen Smith's book "Men On Strike", here's our blog about it: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/20130...

Wow, sounds like a lot of

Wow, sounds like a lot of people in this thread have some major relationship issues and enjoy projecting them on others.

Most men are not horrible partners, nor are most women. I have a feeling for those in this thread with issues, they will find the common denominator in their failed relationships if they really look hard.

Hiding Behind The Name Anonymous

Maybe you need to learn how to come on a site and make a comment that is relevant to the topic, instead of making personal attacks on people. Or you could go to a site designed to make insults and be petty. But of course if that is how you taught, then I guess that is all we can expect from you. Dont be a pest, just go away.

Yea because "Jean" is so very

Yea because "Jean" is so very non-anonymous. I will assume you are Jean-Claude Van Damme because it makes replying more fun.

Mr. Van Damme, I think my comment was relevant to the topic, which seems to be people make very poor choices in who they marry ;)

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J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.

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