Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

Is Big Brother Invading Our Bedrooms?

Will a meddling California lead the nation in discouraging relationships?

We have chronicled the downward spiral of heterosexual relations in America. Sadly, our political leaders seem deaf to real solutions and are instead putting up more roadblocks. For instance, in California the one-party dominated legislature held a  hearing and  unanimous committee vote on April 7th for Senate bill 967. SB 967 would require “affirmative consent” before sex between and man and a woman can occur on California college campuses. This appears to be the first tangible statewide success of a two decade long below-the-national-media-radar feminist movement to redefine American heterosexual relations that first began at obscure Antioch College .

On April 7th,  SB 967  was placed by the California State Senate Appropriations Committee in the   Senate "suspense file", which is a collection of bills that would cost the state more than $50,000 from the General Fund, or $150,000 from any source. At a future meeting of the Appropriation Committee, all bills in the suspense file are then voted on by the committee member one after another, quickly going through the possibly hundreds of bills in the file. The suspense file is revisited after the budget is passed, so the Senate can know which funds are available to implement new programs. So this summer  when the California state budget is passed, we can expect to hear news about this landmark change in male-female relations.  

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

The prestigious University of California has already adopted the gist of this  bill to regulate sexual assault investigations as policy for the sprawling 10 campus system. The New York Times reported in February that this new sexual code of behavior between men and women is spreading like wildfire on campuses across the nation through social media. The Sacramento Bee and the Daily Californian have lauded this view that sex be treated as “sexual assault” unless the participants discuss it “out loud” before sex, and “demonstrate they obtained verbal ‘affirmative consent’ before engaging in sexual activity.” In other words, men will be assumed guilty of rape unless they can prove they sought clear verbal consent first.

Once this new definition of heterosexual relations becomes the norm for disciplinary action on college campuses, we can expect it to be gradually adopted as criminal code by state legislatures across the country. Apparently  "The Look Of Love" and "bedroom eyes" are not enough in this new enlightened era. Will Notary Publics be on call 24-7 to make house calls to verify "positive legal consent"? Will married couples have to use their smart phones to keep a running record of positive verbal affirmations?

What we are seeing are well intentioned but misguided people trying to legislate good behavior. All people of good will are against the criminal act of rape. We all agree that "no mean no." But the result of this kind of legalism is to further poison heterosexual relations. What man is going to want to take the chance of getting involved in a relationship with a woman when he is at constant risk of being brought up on felony rape charges? What married man  will want to live under the fear that a subpoenae will be awaiting him on the breakfast room table along with his newspaper and  morning coffee or he may be arrested at work and frog-marched to jail with the Eye Witness evening news team in tow covering the spectacle?

Dr. Helen Smith, in her recent book "Men On Strike",  chronicled why American men are already moving away from the notion of marriage due to factors such as antiquainted divorce and child custody laws.  By bringing the government into the bedroom and making every sexual encounter a potential crime, more men will become disillusioned and distrustful of making a comitment to a woman. And for the first time in recorded history, men have viable other options.

Already we are seeing the "Japanese Effect" coming to America, named after the trend of Japanese men giving up conventional sexual relations with women for prostitutes and/or virtual sex online, where the female partner never sues for palimony or divorce, never gets child custody and never accuses one of rape. Japan is facing a real demographic crisis as the population ages and is not being replenished, threatening the social safety net as the pool of younger workers shrinks.

We should be doing all we can to encourage marriage to provide the future younger workers to pay for the  Medicare and Social Security  for the aging Baby Boomers and Gen Xers.  This legislation, if adopted by the California Senate and Assembly and signed into law by Democratic Governor Jerry Brown, would continue to push men away from making serious long term commitments that may lead to marriage and result in more fatherlessness as more men view women as potential legal foes in a future courtroom criminal battle instead of loving partners and wives.

J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.

more...

Subscribe to Repairing Relationships

Current Issue

Just Say It

When and how should we open up to loved ones?