Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

Is Big Brother Invading Our Bedrooms?

The look of love isn't enough any more. Read More

. The big question is, how do


The big question is, how do women feel about this?

I doubt that they want an end to romance and spontaneity because a few of their psychotic militant sisters live in constant fear of all things male.


This article completely

This article completely misses the mark. Rape charges already hinge on a woman's word, so what's the difference whether it's a "yes" rather than a "no"?

I'd like to know what's wrong with asking a woman whether she's enjoying herself, or whether she feels horny, or even whether she wants to f*ck? Often, during a rape, a woman is too afraid to say no. It's the same for guys. Do you want to tell me that a man wasn't raped if he was afraid to risk death by refusing? Or if he was just too ashamed to say no? If his mind is not willing, it's rape.

Furthermore, asking a woman for her consent clarifies her thoughts and intentions and prevents a man from becoming an "accidental rapist" because he misinterpreted what a woman's "bedroom eyes" meant. Communication is a good thing, and I'm certainly glad, for my own personal esteem, to know that I've never raped any of my partners. Just imagine if we determined other areas of life using non-verbal communication. Imagine a man saying in court; "I didn't steal her car your honor, she was giving me 'lending eyes'! How was I supposed to know that she didn't really want to lend me the car? I misunderstood!" It would be ridiculous.

Some men believe that women will be offended if you ask them to have sex, but quite clearly if they're offended that you asked, they'd be offended by the act. You're moving too fast!

I do this myself in my relationships; I ask them if they're horny, or I rub them on the arm and get consent before I reach out and just grab their crotch. I can be very aggressive and seductive, but I always make sure that I get consent first. It's really not a bother.

In other words, asking is

In other words, asking is part of romance and seduction, not a replacement for it!

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J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.


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