Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

The blogs do it too Dr.

The blogs do it too Dr. Bruns. The internet is awash with self-styled dating gurus that tell their readership that you mustn't wait to have sex or the man will get cold-feet (3 dates is a max otherwise you're immature and manipulative). There's no talk of taking the time to assess character and personality. It's all "are we attracted to each other and are we sexually compatible". They talk, in all seriousness, about the need to test-drive sexual partners like cars. But people aren't cars, they're people, with emotions and feelings and sex isn't cool and detached like driving a car, it's an act of communication between two people.

Then they have the naïveté to wonder why they're single after approaching every other person with selfish desires, only looking out for what they can get from them, never what they can give to another.

The people who peddle this stuff are selling snake oil and it'll all end in tears eventually.

I agree with what you said,

I agree with what you said, but there are still people who believed otherwise that you shouldn't sleep on the first date or just end up with someone who you have companionship.

Whether we like it or not, I believe that the trend right now is settling with someone safe. What I mean safe is, someone you will not love much, and who will not love you much either, but have companionship and benefits of marriage in a relationship.

I believe in chemistry and love at first sight, but it shouldn't be the basis of our decision to marry someone. Chemistry is not always right because we can feel the chemistry towards anyone if we want to, and chemistry even exists with people who are wrongly matched.

A relationship shouldn't be just based on friendship, companionship, love, and chemistry. It's more than that.

What I understand about relationship and marriage is that, it is not about you getting what you want and need, it's about your ability to give your partner what they want and need. I don't believe I know everything, I still need to experience more to learn.

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J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.

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