Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

Should We Look Down on Women With Husbands and Kids?

Are some choices a woman makes not valid? Read More

Mommy wars and large families

1. Mommy wars have to end. Period. Just try to understand that what works for you does not necessarily work for others. Your choices do not make you a superior human being, what ever they are.
2. Larger families don't work for everyone. It's again a choice each individual family makes, which does not make that family superior or inferior to all others. Over/under population and aging workforce is not a factor in making that decision by each family, I assure you.


I don't understand all the hoopla over what Amy Glass wrote.

If you wants kids or not what she wrote isn't going to influence your choices one iota.

Everyone must find their own way to live in the world. Thank goodness, at least in modern societies - you might have a better chance of doing just that.

I remember being quite

I remember being quite certain I would never be a stay-at-home mother at 16. But life happens...

I wouldn't be surprised if Amy is very, very young.

I am sorry for Amy Glass

I wrote a post about her article. The more I typed the more I realized how sad I was for Ms. Glass. I titled my post, I'd Look Down on Me Too

I liked your piece very much.

I liked your piece very much. :)

What about girls raised without fathers?

This article discusses the problems of boys raised without fathers. What about the problems of girls raised without fathers? I don't have any daughters, only sons, but I have heard over and over that girls who have "daddy issues" are insecure and, frankly, easy pickings for guys who want sex and nothing more.

Perhaps the problem is that the authors don't realize that female misbehavior is a big social problem, not just male misbehavior. I've noticed that a lot among people who automatically blame problems on men, unless there's a terribly obvious case of a woman like Amy Glass who also gets some blame.

It's a tragedy all around, for the daughters as well as the sons.

We discussed the effect of cultural breakdown on women here We also discussed in another blog entry the work of psychiatrist Martin Greenberg, who observed that fatherless girls often experience low self esteem and rocky relationships as they search for the ideal father substitute.

Thanks for the

Thanks for the reply.

Drifting off topic a bit, as a man (who had a healthy relationship with both my parents) it was important for me to realize that a romantic partner is much different from my mother. In particular, I got emotional support from my mother that it's a mistake ever to expect from my wife. A woman is repelled when a man shows such weakness. So for a man, he should not search for a "substitute mother" by dating. This is not supported by any published work I know of, but many guys have voiced agreement informally.

You describe the problems of women who are searching for "substitute father" and not surprisingly, it's a mistake to look for that too in a romantic partner.

An apparent difference is that man who were close to their mothers have trouble breaking that habit in romantic relationship, whereas it's women who lacked closeness to their fathers who have the parallel difficulty.

Raising children is of upmost

Raising children is of upmost importance to society. I think the question is how, as a society, we can make it easier for women to stay home with the kids and still allow them to have a chance in the job market? Kids only need moms to stay at home all day for so long.

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J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.


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