Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

Three Things Men Crave Daily From Women

What can women give their men?

Writer Susan Walsh published an informative  article this week on how a woman  can  do her part  to keep her man secure and happy. She says that these are three common sense things that men crave to receive from women and, speaking from experience, have resulted in her own long and happy marriage. These qualities are important to meet the emotional needs of a potential  or current husband.

The first quality Ms. Walsh tries to provide to her husband every day is affection and desire.She urges the female reader to make it a priority in your life to touch and hold your man. We know that the hormone oxytocin is released when couples touch and hug and they subsequently feel bonded to one another.  Best-selling author John Gray observed that the resentment that builds up in men in a committed relationship is washed away when they enjoy regular sexual relations. It's simply good science to take advantage of this unifying mechanism.

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Loyalty is the second key factor  that Ms. Walsh emphasizes that women must provide to their mate. By loyalty she means a commitment to the person to love and respect them in public.  Any disagreements are to be handled in private. Once a woman begins regularly berating or mocking her partner in public, all romance is driven out of a relationship. The man knows there is no acceptance of his true self and withdraws. He may try to hide his hurt, but the cold anger grows in his soul and soon becomes manifested in his outward actions toward his partner. Watching a couple  that are bristling with resentment kiss in public is a painful spectacle to behold.

Communicating appreciation and generating reassurance is the third aspect that is  vital for women to provide to their men in a healthy relationship. An attitude of gratitude is the best way to give a man confidence that the relationship is on firm footing.  It's easy to fixate on what you want than on what you have. Many men own the failure that they can't provide more materialistically to a union. Ms. Walsh urges readers to be vocal in your acknowledgement of all the things he does that don't cost a penny.

So many men have written in to our blog over the years that they have been traumatized by a failed relationship or divorce. They are afraid to trust another woman. Gun-shy men need affection, loyalty and reassurance that their partner is committed  100% and  won't leave them for another love someday.  Ms. Walsh's three suggestions are just the antidote to keep the doubts away.

J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.

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