Repairing Relationships

Building intimacy and joy into your relationships

Are You Easily Seduced?

Are you vulnerable to deception?

Relationship expert Shay Williams wrote a provocative article about women who are at high risk for being seduced by men. She identifies five emotional vulnerabilities that leave women open to the thrill of the romance and eventual heartbreak. These are 1) Dissatisfied with life, 2) Unhappy all the time, 3) People pleaser, 4) Vivid imagination and 5) Easy:

 http://www.yourtango.com/experts/shay-your-date-diva-williams/are-you-easy-be-seduced

The mirage man preys on women who are looking for a romantic fantasy to believe in. The mirage man's goal is simply to deceive women to gain immediate companionship. If a woman wants to be distracted from her depressing daily life, the mirage man will gladly play the Prince to their Cinderella. He will read the defense and, depending on her personality, give her the dream guy she always wanted. The mirage man is capable of spanning a spectrum of well-rehearsed roles, from the bad boy to the likeable rogue to Alec Baldwin's "Mr. Sensitive" character, who easily morphs to his potential mate's feelings, views and goals. All that matters to the mirage man is taking the dissatisfied woman on a magic carpet ride out of her boring and banal existence.

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

The mirage man will begin a romantic offensive of romantic dinners, slow dances in darkened dance clubs, moonlight walks along the beach, a shower of texts, tweets and hour long phone calls, bittersweet love songs, poems and invocations of fate bringing the two lovers together. All will be implemented in a rapid fashion to obtain the woman's trust and secure as much physical contact as she will allow. For a while, the sky will look bluer, each sunset will seem spectacular and each snowflake will shine like a diamond to the woman in love.

If the mirage man senses that the woman needs the distant Daddy figure, he will become that unknowable male that leaves her always wanting more. If she wants a house in the country with a white picket fence, he will promise her that and more. If she wants an engagement ring the mirage man will propose, but the actual wedding date will remain vaguely in the future. His dream girl is the one with low self esteem and no boundaries, because she immediately  will give him what he wants without him having to actually deliver on his promises.   

The rapture of the honeymoon stage reassures the vulnerable woman that she has made the right decision, but the couple  has little in common besides a shared passion. A romance based on artificial intimacy and approval seeking often ends up fading away due to the harsh reality of incompatibility. Todays ominious divorce and unwed birth statistics bear witness to the fact that mirage relationships are a long shot at best. If you feel you have some of these vulnerabilities, seek professional help and break free of this insane romantic loop.

 

J.R. Bruns, M.D., is co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships.

more...

Subscribe to Repairing Relationships

Current Issue

Just Say It

When and how should we open up to loved ones?