So says Sociology Professor Eric Anderson in his new book "The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and the Reality of Cheating." In his study of undergraduate men, he found that a stunning 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated on them. Professor Anderson writes that it is important for society to redefine relationships from the unrealistic demands of marriage because monogamous sex is boring to the new generation that has grown up in a permissive culture of easy premarital sex and due to the technological innovation of virtual sex via internet pornography.
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Professor Anderson maintains that "infidelity does not break marriages up; it is the unreasonable expectation that a marriage must restrict sex that breaks a marriage up." His concept certainly has had many supporters for years, including actress Goldie Hawn and actor Kurt Russell. "I don't believe we own anybody," the actress said in a Vanity Fair interview. "I don't think Kurt sexually only has eyes for me...The reality of him going out, of traveling, of seeing a woman—I think it's kind of unnatural not to have those tendencies," Adds Kurt, "Men are not suppose to see one woman and only desire one woman...that's just science. If the species doesn't mutate, it'll die...This is a man. That is what he is on earth for."
The utility of the evolutionary psychology espoused by Dr. Anderson and Goldie and Kurt is that it allows men and women to stray with no guilt. Certainly the life of monologue artist and frequent late night talk show guest Spaulding Gray captured this viewpoint. Described as a man with "a talent for talking, a devoted following and a bad habit of cheating on his long-time girlfriend/short-time wife while on the road," the 52 year old Gray certainly didn't deny his evolutionary tendencies. He married his long-time girlfriend while continuing an affair with another woman he would eventually impregnate after he got "careless with condoms." He would eventually leave his new wife for his lover after their baby was born. Spaulding Gray felt no shame openly sharing the terrible way he treated the women in his life.
Legendary actress Katherine Hepburn's view of monogamy is congruent with Professor Anderson. After a media-praised 26 year adulterous relationship with married movie star Spencer Tracy that included Tracy's cheating on Hepburn with actresses Ingrid Bergman and Grace Kelly, Hepburn noted,"If men and women really suit each other...they should live next door- and just visit now and then."
