The gut-wrenching realization that one has been fooled by one so close is one of the most horrible moments of living on planet Earth. But even worse than learning the truth is to remain in Fantasyland thinking you have a happy relationship. You have no idea why your partner is always on edge, why there are unexplained absences and expenses and why you get funny looks from friends and acquaintances. Worst of all, you are oblivious to your exposure to scores of potentially deadly sexually transmitted diseases.
This shock of betrayal was captured in all it's vivid agony by author Ingrid Seward in this first person recounting of her relationship with a dashing foreign correspondent named Ross Benson:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2018960/Ingrid-Seward...
In Mirage Man Syndrome the man lives a secret life doing the things he really enjoys while maintaining the outward odedience to the letter of the marriage law. As we saw with Ingrid Seward, often the spouse has no idea until the partner has passed away how their whole relationship had been a sham. Consider the letter to an advice column from "Silently Weeping In Kansas", who was shocked to find out upon her husband's death that he was a prolific sex addict. The columnist's advice to married men like Ross Benson was to not deal with the issues leading to living a life of deception and addiction, but to get rid of the evidence like those incriminating text messages and those damning e-mails so the grieving widow won't have to deal with the truth that you were a cad after you are gone. Not knowing what their husband is really like and how he really feels moment to moment is preferable to some unprepared for the truth lurking behind their partner's brown eyes.
