The Washington Post features a big story that has gone viral: Who says 'I love you' first? Men or women? The researcher called this event it a very important "relationship milestone" and his findings shocking.
MIT Psychologist Josh Ackerman reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that while most people think the woman in a relationship usually says "I love you" first, they found that men were more likely to utter those three magic words first. Dr. Ackerman was stunned, remarking, "we are constantly bombarded by this idea that ... women are the more emotional ones, and men hide their feelings. But that doesn't necessarily appear to be the case."
But in this age of deceptive relationships, should we be surprised? Mirage men begin their romances with the creation of artificial intimacy. This is established in an encounter between a man and a woman by emphasizing physical attraction and charm with no regard to true compatibility. This involves a submersion of the man's true self so that he can easily conform to the woman's tastes and thus heighten the commonality between them. Any superficial congruencies in beliefs,interests and goals will be seized upon to justify the tremendous sexual attraction between them. These similiarities become a reason to believe in the future of the relationship, whether it is a one night stand, friends with benefits, being joined at the hip or a more serious long-term commitment.
The mirage man will not rely on just physical attraction and smooth conversation to entice the woman into a romance. He has learned from his peers and the media of film, the internet, television and music what women really enjoy in courtship, and he will use it deftly. Romantic dinners, slow dances in darkened dance clubs,moonlight walks along the beach, playing bittersweet love ballads for her, quoting Shakespearean sonnets, invocations of fate or God bringing you together and declarations of love will all be implemented in a rapid fashion to obtain the woman's trust and secure as much physical contact as she will permit.
Once the mirage man has found a woman who doesn't reject his initial flirtatious overtures, he will direct his efforts to maneuver the fledgling romance into the physical realm. The love he professes in his two hour long phone call conversations and constant texts is mere sexual longing and infatuation with his superficial knowledge of the woman. Artificial intimacy will mislead both lovers into thinking they have found "The One", and the religious among them will declare it is "God's Will." In our sentimental society, this has not only become the way for men to enjoy one night stands but has become a common pathway to the altar.
Even the finest, most mature products of our top academic institutions are committing to virtual strangers now and getting to know their mate later. Three days from meeting to engagement? Marriage in six weeks? It sounds rash, youthful and even stupid. But responsible, intelligent men are initiating such relationships every day across America. Thus it is no surprise to the student of Mirage Man Syndrome that men are the ones who declare "I love you" first.
