Relationship Boot Camp

How to find a satisfying relationship and increase its chances of longevity

by Gerry Heisler, Ph.D.

Sorry eHarmony, Compatibility Is Overrated

Many prefer people who compliment their preferences and interests. Sometimes, we marry the person we want to become. The stoic accountant marries the vivacious, extroverted party girl who in turn likes the stability and calm he provides. If two become one, who or what is the one they become? Read More

Testing Others Can Sabotage Your Relationships

When you test your partner he/she may be failing an examination and not know that a quiz has been given. It's better to be able to be explicit and direct about your wants and desires, no matter how unromantic this may seem. Read More

You Can Be Too Controlling For Your Own Good and Drive Lovers Away

Can you only love someone who cares less about you than you do about them? Your control manevuers may be causing you problems. Read More

Are You Erecting Love Barriers Part Two: Coming On Too Strong

Sometime you can misread what's going on and come on too strong when your maneuvers just aren't appreciated and causes a premature break-up. Read More

Are You Erecting Love-Barriers?

Are you too picky with others? You can be creating self-defeating intimacy blockers. Read More

Are you really open to the love you seek

Can you let people only get so close? At the same time, do you find you also can't let them get that far way? Read More

Tiger Woods , Sex Addiction, and the Fall From Grace

Is Tiger Woods an American tragedy or just an elite athlete with bad luck? Read More

How to Get Through a Break-up

The time after a break-up provides an opportunity to process valuable information that can lead to intimate, loving relationships in the future. Read More

Can You Friend Your Way to a Serious Love Relationship?

It's miraculous to find someone you want to date who is available to date you. Can you build a friendship and realize you might be in queue? Read More

What's your top secret

Most are haunted by their top secret and have never disclosed it. Can you do this anonymously? Read More

Are Your Friends Trying To Ruin Your Love Life?

After you establish a new love relationship, your friends can become just as jealous as a scorned lover. S/he might be completely unsupportive, fault finding, create chaos and soap opera drama by saying things that will lead you to fight with your partner. Do you know what to do? Read More

Can you understand, tolerate, and overcome your social anxiety

It's little wonder so many more people are becoming socially anxious. There has been a proliferation of cell phone, computer based chat rooms, texting, twitter, internet dating services and facebook. Isn't it common for many to start relationships today that aren't even face-to-face? Read More

What to do when you're dumped

When you are dumped, do you mourn, wait or go on? Do you think it's a nightmare and you can't believe this is happening? Should you call? What are they doing? How can they live without me? Who are they with? It can be horrible. It's a time you need to stop trying to figure out where "their head is at." Read More

Why You Can Hate the One You Love

Do you seem to always hurt the ones you love? Do you ever fear that you feel that sometimes you act as if you hate them? Four reasons are addressed here that may help answer this dilemma. Read More

Is Jealousy the Unwanted Biproduct of Your Relationships or You Just Being Paranoid?

Is jealousy a normal feeling in a relationship?

Brian, a happily married man, worked at a local college campus. His wife,Lori, insisted that he not look at the co-eds. She had him place dots on trees and buildings so that as he walked across campus, he would look from dot to dot and not maintain eye contact with anyone. Read More

Relationships Today: To Text or Not to Text, Is It a Curse or Blessing?

Previous generations were less accessible when they started to date. Many couldn't leave a message or voicemail. Now most of us have, by courtesy of the cell phone, the capacity to be in constant contact with our new partner. Years before, daters had to use a landline, and hope whomever you called was at home. That was the basic way to make contact. Read More

How to choose a desirable partner and avoid a bad choice

To be able to recognize a suitable mate, you have to know what actually constitutes a desirable partner. Many people don't have an idea of what truly satisfies them. They confuse what they need with what they want, and for what they'll settle. Many have no clue of what they really expect, and expectations can set the foundation for how gratifying you regard a relationship. Read More

Does Christianity Provide Good Self-Statements For Cognitive Behavior Therapy?

It's been well established the benefits of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). The way we self- talk influences our reactions to life events and our feeling about them. I have long believed that we can't control the onset of unwanted feelings, even if we are completely rational, but can modulate the length we experience these undesired feelings by CBT. Read More

A Relationship Myth to Avoid: Having To Be " In Love" Forever

Being in love is an emotional high for most normal people. It's a time when reality can be better than your dreams. I've heard some describe it as a time when the world changes from bleak black and white to vibrant color. Who wants this feeling to be extinguished? No one! Read More

Can your relationship survive an affair?

Yes...but...If having an affair is a deal-breaker, don't pretend it isn't. If you want to work through this, though, there are things you can do. There's a lot that has to be done. First, you have to decide which relationship you want to resolve. Read More

Do You Know Where Your Relationship Is Going?

Are you in your 20's or 30's and wondering what you're doing at a bar? Are you entering "relationships" and quickly wondering "where is this going?" Are you feeling like you can't let someone get too close or too far away so you're always feeling a sense of emotional limbo?

The good news is you're not alone. Read More

Four Simple Ways to End Your Next Argument

"You're not listening to me," exclaimed Jennifer as she threw the mail down on the kitchen table. "It's not about the dishes, it's about everything!"

"What are you talking about," questioned Mark, her boyfriend of two years. "I forgot to wash the dishes because I was busy fixing the toilet!"

"Yea, the toilet you broke," Jennifer threw back. Read More

Dr. Gerry Heisler is a clinical psychologist with 38 years of experience as a clinician and assistant professor who has dealt with relationship issues.

more...