The literature has evolved in the past few decades to encompass many useful models for healthy relating and, perhaps a more relevant issue, identifying the risks and predictors of break-up.
For instance, one important theme in the literature that also surfaced rather vividly in this first episode of the season is the nature of a couple's genesis. Indeed, how a relationship got off the ground and how each partner perceives that experience says much about their current and potential dynamic with each other. Such is why couples therapists' often initiate treatment with an inquiry around how the couple met and what attracted one to the other.
For instance, one couple (CT and Diem) described an almost love at first sight experience. CT couldn't help but grin with glee as he recalled how Diem made him feel at the beginning (their relationship lasted for a year and a half and ended roughly three years ago). Similarly, Diem recalled a profound sense of fulfillment. A genuine sense of mutual intimacy followed by serious contemplations about marriage marked their early phase. This is promising. Another couple, Tyrie and Jasmine did not display such promising origins. When they initially partnered up Jasmine was already involved in another relationship. The affair was short-lasting, consisted of poor communication and involved little more than satisfaction of sexual needs.
Circling back to CT and Diem, the show's brief glance at their ex-relationship in this first episode seemed consistent with some strong trends in the literature on unrequited love.
In a study that explored unreciprocated romantic attraction through narrative accounts by both partners, the ex-partners seemed to agree on a few things. Both partners were distressed by the break-up and, surprisingly, both partners felt dependent on the other and confused at why the break-up occurred (even the partner doing the breaking). With CT and Diem, it seems that she did the breaking. Her stated reason was prioritizing her career, but what this research suggests is that there is more here than meets the eye. Perhaps Diem (and almost definitely CT even if he doesn't admit to it) began to feel the uncomfortable and unfamiliar stirrings of anxiety, loss of control, and responsibility that unavoidably come with love and commitment. Perhaps these feelings were felt only subconsciously, which would account for their mutual incomprehension at drifting apart without any real galvanizing event. Other patterns emerged as well in unrequited love: the rejected partner tends to feel that the rejection was never communicated definitively. Indeed, CT describes the final nail in the coffin as Diem's lack of emotional support and physical presence during his brother's passing. Not exactly a direct and open conversation about their feelings for each other.
And, predictably, rejectors depict themselves as morally innocent but guilt-stricken about their treatment of the partner—and such mixed emotions are exactly what flashes across Diem's face as she recounts her emotional about-face from CT. Further, rejectors tend to perceive their would-be lovers as self-deceptive and unreasonable, while the would-be lovers see rejectors as inconsistent and mysterious. In other words, if Diem and CT lived out this dynamic (it's not entirely clear), then Diem would've seen CT as someone who talked a good game but had failed to take the steps necessary to truly assure her of his affection. And CT would've been willing to take the leap had only he received sufficient signs of acceptance from Diem.
Returning to the more clinical couple—Tyrie and Jamsine—given what was learned about their dynamic in the first episode there's a higher likelihood for a negative outcome. I'm not suggesting that they shouldn't try to be together. Relationships can be life-enhancing and both of them, I assume, are capable of developing more cooperative demeanors and interpersonal skills. What I am saying is that in the brief snippets of their exchange they both exhibited high levels of defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling—all of the qualities that are predictive of an unhappy marriage and an early divorce, as suggested by the work of Gottman and colleagues. Tyrie describes the relationship as "strictly business," and Jasmine smashes a picture of them as a couple. And more to the point, each of the four "horseman of the apocalypse" emotions can be heard in the subtext of their perceptions of each other.
