The Nine Characteristics That Often Predict Relationship Success

Physical desirability:

Physical desirability is the most common characteristic that is initially attracting in most all new relationships. Interestingly enough, it is not limited to just sex appeal. Physical desirability is an overarching feeling people have when they look at someone who physically intrigues them. That choice can be influenced by many things, only one of which is physical. Though it may be strongly directed by sexual lust at the beginning of a relationship, it lasts far beyond that initial phase.

I've known people whose childhood hero or heroine influenced their choice of mate for a lifetime. Others look for a replication of an earlier love or a simulation of a childhood nurturer. Some were deeply influenced by a character in a movie or book and seek to live out that fantasy in their own lives.

You will know when you are attracted to someone's physical characteristics because you are entranced by the way they look to you.

"I couldn't stop looking at her."
"It seemed as if I was falling into his eyes."

Generosity:

Whether of spirit, availability, or pocketbook, generosity is a definite winner. It is not no so much their offering of gifts, but their willingness to give that matters. Generous people look for ways to care, often before they are asked. They pay attention to what others want.

Innately generous people don't worry about being taken advantage of, or of being judged unfairly. They easily forgive faults and look for the best in people.

You will know when you are with a generous person when you feel that your needs are upper most in his or her mind.

"He seemed to anticipate my every desire."
"I'd never known someone so willing to please."

Kinship:

People who love deeply and are loved in return are very desirable. It takes a lot of energy to maintain close and intimate relationships, and these people make it a high priority. They are laid back and secure because they have nurtured so many relationships and know they can count on them when they need them.

These naturally social people show you their ability to connect by the way they are genuinely interested in you. The seemingly effortless interest they show makes you feel important and valuable.

You will know when you are with a successfully social person when you feel automatically included in their personal circle.

"She must have a million friends, and they all seem to love her."
"I couldn't believe how many people showed up to help him."

Compassion:

The ability to feel compassionate is crucial to a successful long-term relationship. Compassionate people genuinely feel others pain. They want to understand, empathize, and help.

It's easy to enjoy another person's company when things are going well. Compassionate people don't miss a beat when their lovers are in trouble. They are especially available when things are not going so well.

You will know you're with a compassionate person when you feel comfortable being vulnerable and don't feel you have to cover your faults.

"No one has ever cared for me that way before."

"I never worry about being put down when I do something dumb."

Openness:

Openness is the ability to put out authentic feelings and thoughts without the need to hide who you are. Whether to new ideas, unexpected challenges, or probing questions, open people are more interested in learning than looking good. They don't seem to worry about making mistakes because they accept their own faults, and are eager to know how others see them.

Open people are not gullible or naive. They just have a strong sense of self that is not easily threatened, and don't need to cover when unexpectedly exposed. They aren't uncomfortable with whatever questions they are asked and don't overreact when faced with their lover's vulnerable feelings.

You will know a lot about an open person early in your encounter. You'll also feel comfortable talking about your deeper self in their presence.

"He's so easy to know and understand."
"She seems genuinely interested in me."

Integrity:

Integrity can mean different things to different people, depending on their convictions. They define their personal integrity as living within those beliefs.

Integrity and trust are linked. Two people who believe in the same ethics can trust each other's motives and behaviors.

People who live by their integrity know which behaviors and thoughts are sacred to the people close to them, and will not abuse that knowledge. If their beloved people express judgments, prejudices, defenses, strong opinions, and held stereotypes, a person with integrity simply states what their own ethics are, and doesn't try to force others to feel or think the same.

You will know when you are with a person of integrity when they are comfortable with what they believe, but are openly interested in your views, even if they are different. The relationship may not work if you can't share the same ethic, however, you will not be overruled.

"It was so easy to have a discussion with him. It never deteriorated into an argument."
"She and I have very different views, but it didn't seem to be a problem."

Humor:

There are some things in life that never lose their luster. A great sense of humor is one. People who see the humor in situations, or laugh just as easily at themselves, are easy to be with.

A couple is unlikely to be any real trouble if they can still laugh at the same things together. The loss of a sense of humor is the most telling clue that a relationship may be in distress.

A great sense of humor is not about sarcasm, mockery, or stripping away an opponent's defenses. It is a way of lightening life's challenges so that sorrow is lessened and joy is increased.

You will know when your date has a great sense of humor because you will find yourself relaxing, letting go of tension, and laughing a lot.

"I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard."
"By the end of the evening, I felt so comfortable. He's so funny."

Passion:

I am not talking about the passion that fuels negative behaviors. Passion is energy, focus, and intense commitment to a behavior or person. New partners often find it in their lustful feelings toward each other, but zeal and enthusiasm can be expressed in many ways.

Passionate people are superbly alive in every aspect of their lives. Beauty is supremely delicious. Love is rich. Good food is a blessing. Great movies are almost too enjoyable to bear. Sad experiences are shared with tears.

They care deeply. They love with abandon. Life is for living to the fullest and the greatest punishment is the inability to feel.

You will know when you're with a passionate person because you will feel more alive.

"Every cell in my body felt invigorated."
"She is so damn excited about everything. It's hard not to feel the same."

Confidence:

Confident people can direct the way things happen. They have learned who they are and what they can do as a result of the battle scars of their own heroism. They take risks, and aren't afraid of losing as long as they learn to do it better the next time.

Confident people are resilient. They know where they have value and where they don't. They lean into critique, unafraid to hear negative comments. They mean what they say and do what they promise.

You will know when you're with a confident person. They're open to new experiences and don't seem to worry about embarrassment or loss.

"He is so ready to try anything."
"She always lands on her feet."

The Seven Characteristics That Often Strain Relationships Over Time

Victimization: