Redefining Stress

What is the next change in psychology

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:48:22 +0000

It has been a while since I posted a blog and the reason for for my absence is that I have been engulped in the new paradigm in psychology. This is almost like the passion I had for my first real girlfriend with all of its ups and downs of emotions, but the excitement I get from seeing patients get resolution with their problems in just a few minutes instead of months of therapy or medication is intoxicating. When I see individuals resolve their baggage from years of what Freud called "fixations" and cognitive psychologist term "irrational junctures," in a matter of a session or two I wonder where we have been doing for all these years.

Since I am classified as an old timer and been out of graduate school for over forty years (two generations) I can say anything I want to about the field as an expert. But truth be told I have had the best seat in the house from which to observe the changes. I have met most of the people who have been the ones who bent the road, known many of them very well, and understood their minds and goals. This is not to say that all had the most humanitarian purposes, but they were very human and passionate for the future application of psychology. I probably could write a very fascinating introduction book on the twists and turns in the history of psychology, but I would probably get sued for some of my revelations.

When I think of all the things I learned and relearned, and then relearned from my training in school, I realize that the materials today would unlikely be in the curriculum today. The times are changing again, so I am putting out the word that psychology will evolve to a new perspective, making what we learn today as antiquated as that taken forty-one years ago. We didn't know what ADD or Bi-polar syndromes were. We could only fantasize what we were doing to the brain changes when we did "effective" therapy. We could only trust our professors when they discussed the heroes of their recent past and the grand scheme about what we might become.

I predicted the coming of what we have termed "Behavioral Medicine" by the new interest that disease was related to something beyond a "germ" and psychology could actually help cure organic disease. I discovered the emergence of what is now termed "Transpersonal Psychology" as people rekindled the notion that there are other forces that nurtured and lead people through their problems besides the authoritarian logic of a therapist. There are broader sides to the human spirit besides ego and self. I laughed at the advent of cognitive psychology because the methods were so damned logical and actually worked.

So where is this next movement? I think it will come from the advent of brain mapping and learning how the brain can make itself plastic to accomplish something. We already know that people's brains can reconnect their motor centers to backup systems neurological to speak and walk again. We can observe the same process as we train the brains directly to cope more effectively with a problem of life changing relevance. But there are other exciting things in the wind. Brain biofeedback therapies have shown promise for autism and PTSD. Hyperbaric chambers can enrich and nurture brains with strokes and anoxia. But what do you think? It is obvious the change is coming, but you see the same things I do. I am not some prophet that foretells the future. I am curious about where you believe the next big change will happen. Write me and tell me what you think and I promise to respond someway.

Sex and ADD or ADHD

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:32:32 +0000

The last blog entry I posted related some important issues about the challenges (or advantages) of sex and the nature of the ADD or ADHD brain dynamics. I have been asked some very thought-provoking questions, but I feel I need to address one now: The observation with opposite conclusions. Assuming he/she was a professional and using patients' reports instead of direct observation, the person commented that the individuals worked with reported with reported that they "disassociated" from the activities and dreaded the activity. I don't mind people disagreeing with me, otherwise I would not be in this business, but it worried me that somebody was being misled by information about this field. Since the huge majority of AD(H)D is still being done by a sample of some leading questions instead of anchoring the diagnosis and treatment on objective and functional measurements, there are many readers who read AD(H)D and lack of concentration as the same. Actually those symptoms pertain to about 90 percent of all diagnoses in the DSM-IV.

This response puzzled me and made me wonder what kinds of people he/she was placing the old ADD label on. "Disassociation" in psychological terms usually related to anxiety reactions in which the person escapes into another reality or another personality as a defensive mechanism to a threat. Granted, we have found in our clinic an error rate of 67 percent of misdiagnosis of ADD in which anxiety was found to be the primary cause for inattention and lack of concentration. After all, confusion, inattention and lack of concentration are major symptoms of anxiety, but if you ever observed anyone with high anxiety who was administered one of the stimulants, such as Adderall or Ritalin, you will notice how really panic stricken they get and how destructive those medications can be. The brain signatures are opposite one another. ADD is a sluggish brain (frontal lobe) while anxiety is an over-reactive brain.

So it might make sense that when a person who is easily traumatized he or she might go into a state of disassociation from fear, as in the case of PTSD or trauma. In which case, we are not talking the same language or experience anymore.

On the other hand, as I tried to explain, when a person with the sluggish brain of ADD (ADHD) goes into a state of low energy or enthusiasm, it is probably more a state of boredom or switch in attention. The sex life of this brain signature can be very creative and spontaneous; otherwise, there is the tendency to become interested in something else. For that reason, you should never leave the television set on or e-mail on during this time, especially for those football fans during the Super Bowl play-offs. In fact, you might just want to give up for the whole week.

This tendency brings me to the point of "stimulus-control." The ADD dynamic usually relates to creativity and impulsiveness, but this does not mean that you don't have to plan some of the spontaneity. Things can get out of hand without some control, which is why there are a lot of divorces caused by loss of boundaries, due to "spontaneity." This is not considered lightly because there have been comments regarding this major concern.

But it also means there should be some planning for controlling a person's focus. Usually this is done with smells (flowers and candle), sounds (music and words), kinesthetic cues (touching and holding) and many other factors that can be learned over time.

It can be a life mission.

ADD and Sex

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:00:18 +0000

As many of you have seen, I am on a mission to highlight some of the traps to be avoided by those lucky individuals who have symptoms of ADD and ADHD. Being categorized in this realm for all my life, I will always be grateful for my "condition" because once I got beyond the heavy regimentation of academic education, I found my brain dynamics to spur me into tremendous advantages of creativity and personal gratification in fantasy and life philosophy of joy.

But yes, there are some traps I have learned that can be trials, both for the individual and those who have to live with him or her. My last discussion was about flying, which did not seem to excite many readers from the low response. However, this trap might be more interesting - sex.

For a person with the symptoms of limited focused concentration and out-of-the-box imaginations for novel experiences and thought, sex is the playground for our brains. I could predict that a person with this description is not one kind of a sex partner, but likely 3 or 4, depending on the time of day. If you think that he or she is going to be predictable, even for those GREAT events, think again. Of the types I have done my private research with, I offer this information to whoever is committing to a long-lasting relationship. For the ADD person I can recognize many sexual scenarios they like to engage in: 1. The highly impulsive, super romantic lover. 2. The fantasy lover. The passionate, intimate lover. There are others, but these three appear to be consistent.

If you are guessing if these types are generalized to all people or part of the brain structure, my guess would be the latter. The ADD brain lends itself to these realms because of its neurological needs. This type of person wants highly stimulating conditions and boredom grows easily. Just as there is a tendency toward dangerous and dare-taking events for stimulation, there is the excitement of the thrill of highly charged sexual conquests and "chancy" situations. Such a person loves the imagery of sex, probably as much as the sex act itself. Since sex is 90% imagery and fantasy anyway, this would be a good sign of continuing interest beyond novelty or having babies. In fact, it may be disappointing that I have had these individuals tell me that they often don't care who their partner is, just don't mess up their fantasies. This observation is more prominent among females, so don't ask what they are thinking, guys. You may be disappointed. On the other hand, this brain issue also makes these individuals very susceptible to fantasies of their partners. One could exploit this factor with a really good story. I know of a man who was biologically paralyzed with no function below his waist but could tell fantasy stories to his wife with an amazing talent, having her reach organism quicker than the old fashioned way by many minutes.

With this information I asked some individuals if they had a choice as to whether they would rather have a great fantasy story teller or a great sexual athlete. It would not surprising to me that a wide majority of the women chose the story teller, but what surprised me was that a large minority of the men did so as well. I think there might be a business for porno CDs out there.

With any dynamic there are always limitations, and these often show up in marriage counseling and divorce processing, making me wonder if there should be pre-marriage counseling for all ADD-like people and their potential partners.

Trap one: Same place, same station scheduled sex. Whenever you try and schedule sex with a person with a rich fantasy-life, you are going to empty the energy fast. There is nothing worse than making sex the last event of the day, after everything is done, the kids have gone to bed, the dishes are done and the Tonight Show is over. This is like trying to find an interesting television show after the power is turned off. There is just nothing of interest but a blank screen.

Trap two: One channel sex. As could probably be expected, the individual with ADD thrives on imagination and creativity. If you are still doing it the same way you did five years ago, I would predict that you are doing it alone, even if your ADDer is physically there.

Trap three: Absent seductive behavior. We all can remember when we were just learning about the more intimate conditions between boys and girls, and the smartest among us caught onto the art of flirting (which wasn't me, by the way.) Flirting behavior is usually thought as seduction behavior, similar to the male turkey flaunting his tail feathers. But when we settled down to a long-term commitment, we boxed up all that behavior because we had "caught our limit." Not so fast. Hopefully we have progressed past 15 years old (maybe not), but that flirting or seduction stuff is fun and full of fantasy and could be more fun than the sex act itself. Regardless of age and experience, women still like to feel like a prize and pursued as a worthy conquest. Men still like to think they can capture their treasures with clever tactics, even if their lines are as old as leisure suits. It is fun, especially for those with high needs for novelty, to surprise their partners with dress-up dates and suggestive moves at the dinner table, even if both of you are too tired to turn out the light at 8:00 P.M. It is the thought that counts.

As I say at every close, there is more traps to know. The important message in these traps is that the dynamics of any personality will always create challenges, especially in interpersonal relationships. ADD or ADHD is no different. We all stumble into at least one challenge every month, even if we have been married for 50 years. And like the whole concept that a relationship has strengths from both sides, a successful bond discovers what those strengths are in each other and uses them as power resources to the trails of life. You can't use our limitations as resources very well because they are often the problems. And we all realize that sometimes there are little power resources yet developed and relationships can't work efficiently. Maybe these pieces of information can help guide those with ADD in traps to discover the best opportunities for joy that life can offer.

Caution to ADD/ADHD: Flying can be dangerous

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:36:20 +0000

The hazards of living with the condition we all know as ADD grows in number as I reveal those areas that are particularly risky. I think I can qualify as an expert by having a Ph.D. in psychology, being the founder of an international well-known clinic with over 13 specialists in this specific area, having written a best-seller book, called The ADD Answer, but mostly being the poster-child (uh - elder) having dealt with the traps for over 65 years. By the way, none of these risk features are in the book so I am not trying to sell my book (although it makes great reading).

I have covered a number of situations that put a person whose concentration lasts on the average of 15 milliseconds into compromising challenges, such as trying to drive a car with a spouse explaining some important event or working for a tight-ass boss. Some of you will not relate to my passion for piloting an airplane, but if you do, please be sure and chew a lot of gum or have something to jolt you into reality every once in a while.

My history with flying started right after the World War II when my father who was an instructor for the Army Air Corps, wanted to start his own airport in west Texas. We had a Piper Cub in our back yard while he nurtured his endeavor. We took all of our trips in the plane instead of the car, and you can imagine how the kids in the neighborhood lined up to see us land in the alley. It made my dad mad because it caused some landing corrections, but I got popular fast. He taught me how to fly when I was 11 and things have gone from there. I would think that any person with a great imagination would see the unlimited opportunities in excitement where there are no fences and you are in this big sky by yourself.

So far there are no rules prohibiting people with emotional or mental problems from getting a license because the tough exam and training probably restricts anyone who cannot make survival judgments in a physical sense. But from my in-depth experience I can say to the aspiring ace that there are some definite issues to be concerned with.

Flying itself is a big fun experience that takes training and focus imperative, but the actual "driving in the sky from point A to point B" can only be described as mostly deathly boredom only punctuated by sheer panic. These are words taken from every pilot I have met. About ten percent of the time you are looking over your instruments to see if your motors are still running or looking at maps or getting clearances. The rest of the time you are gazing out the window with your mind somewhere in your lusty teenage memories or in dread of your next dilemma over money.

You can imagine the problems I had on my trips and the reasons most of my friends have refused to fly anymore with me. In fact, very few people even consider that a privilege anymore. Of course, I have not renewed my medical in many years and even I wouldn't consider flying with me now, but you really learn who your real friends are and a lot about their physiology, especially who can take a joke at 10,000 feet spin and dive. As I write I am beginning to think this might have been a good test for hiring research assistant selection, at least the third ride.

It may scare you a bit to know that many pilots, like myself, tend to doze off when we get to the boring stuff. That is a trait of ADD, by the way. Part of the brain is running kinda slow and it takes a novel experience to wake it up. This is the reason in other spheres of life we like to take chances, become a clown, redirect our attention to something else, etc. when things get too slow. Unless we are occupied, our brains go into over-drive and disengage. I guess you can imagine how it feels when you have been flying for a while and suddenly wake up and discover you don't recognize where you are or how long it took you to get there. You don't have road signs in the sky and the roads disappear into clouds. If you trim the plane right, it will fly by itself and the only way you know if you are in Alaska or Mexico is by doing some fancy figuring from your instruments or land and ask a farmer. That is embarrassing, but was actually quite common at one time. If you have read the story of Charles Lindbergh's solo crossing of the Atlantic, you might remember that he fell asleep and had to ask a fisherman where he was in order to continue his record-breaking flight to Paris. I don't know if he was embarrassed or not, but I have been ready many times to do this same thing.

There was only one near-disaster in which I forgot to switch fuel tanks at night and keep my progress going in the air instead of into the ground, although I admit to many scares when the motor becomes silent without much reason and people begin to ask questions about what is going to happen next.

But no one could compare to my piloting skills when it comes to crises, and you can see why now. I could land in 40-hour gales crosswinds or deal with a tailspins caused by sudden wind shifts like a pro. I studied piloting from the experts constantly and loved to be challenged for any stunt or feat. It was only the boring part that was the dangerous time.

If you are going to learn to fly and have this condition we now call ADHD or ADD, there are precautions that I had to learn in order not to be smashed up. Never, never, never, ever take any drug or alcohol that slows your system down, such as muscle relaxers, sleeping pill, beer, etc. The challenge you are going to have is to fight the tendency to lose focus and the constant rhythm of the motor(s) and lower oxygen will be problematic enough to not go into never-never land. You may not wake up before land arrests your flight prematurely. There are rules about not drinking before you take off, but I would probably recommend a period of week or year as a rule.

Study flying, even while you are flying. Make up scenarios of challenges and always look outside to see if there are landing spots. Talk on the radio, fiddle with your GPS, or try lowering your flaps to experiment. I even discovered that I can make my plane fly 3 mph faster with certain configurations. I even tried to take up pipe smoking specifically on these occasions, not to smoke the tobacco but to see if I could keep the damn thing lit. I never did.

In case you hadn't figured it out, I am talking about your safety in a car, boat or bicycle, whatever you have responsibility for. You can be a safe driver, pilot, etc. and for me there were the advantage in my brain behavior of the passions and excitements that relates to my imagination that helps promote success. But there have also been the distractions that I had to develop some skills for managing.

The Traps Are Getting Serious for ADD/ADHD

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:22:56 +0000

Over the past weeks I have focused my attention on the traps and special problems people, like me, who have a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. I have tried to point to the humorous side of these situations because, well, that is how I perceive life and the way a lot of us deal with stress. There are serious sides to these same issues, and I have been confronted with many of them through my readers.

Recently I have come across another risk factor, especially for children who are taking Ritalin or Adderall for their concentration estimated to be over 2.5 million with sales topping 4.8 billion dollars last year. We all know that there are significant health risks of growth stunning, consequential problems from lack of sleep, cardiovascular complications (especially hypertension, heart attacks and stroke) and a number of behavioral issues of severe thinking patterns related to anxiety and depressive symptoms. There have been many other risks noted and recommendations to diminish such side-affects, such as having a full cardiovascular evaluation before administration.

The bottom line is that the study, sponsored by the FDA, when children with these medications were compared to healthy children, the children with the ADD medication was 6 to 7 times more likely to die for unexplained reasons.

Wow! Granted, the study needs to expand to its conclusion, the list of traps gets longer and longer. Although the world loves the inventiveness and creativity that relates to the brain dynamics of ADD, it is always trying to bend us to a conformity that runs so many risks. Medicine doesn't like us; authoritarian teachers bring out the torture weapons when they see us enter their domains and our spouses who once thought we were cute now fret about our responsibility commitments.

Our own parents (some of them anyway) are willing to give us pills that up our chances of dying six or seven times rather than deal with our behavior, even if we aren't clearly diagnosed with anything better than a list of questions our teachers fill out. I am beginning to feel a little paranoid as I read my own words. Then I start to remember the look in my father's eyes and how that "look" is becoming similar to my spouse's. Where is the standard for tolerance? Doesn't it say something in the Bible about loving your neighbor, even if he does have ADHD? We don't (at least not unless we have a good reason) steal money, abuse little puppies, shoot guns at anyone (no record anyway), and I suspect if the truth was known we would have a splendid record for seeing both sides to an argument.

Have you ever thought that it might be feasible to file a discrimination suit based on diagnosis? I wonder if that fits under race or creed, or age.

Part I - Avoiding the Traps for ADD

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:17:49 +0000

In recent blogs I have discussing some of the issues of how the dynamics of ADD (ADHD) can interfere with marriage relationships, and I have been rewarded with great comments, some in agreement and some in other directions. Frankly, I couldn't tell what the opinions related to some of my most brilliant points, but this is not new to my life. One of the basic facts of life for someone with the ADD brain signature is that we often go through life feeling misunderstood. Maybe it is because we really don't make sense (which was my English teacher's concept) or maybe we forget what we started discussing and ended up in another world (which has been my children's ideas).

Marriage is not the only danger zones in which problems are apt to happen. I thought it would be useful to discuss some of the danger zones that individuals like us should learn to avoid at all costs. Like the joke about living with a gorilla, it is easier just not to try to have a thoughtful conversation with it. You just waste your breath, and you just annoy the gorilla. And you don't want to annoy the gorilla, I promise. You can get hurt that way.

Here are my first installments for main traps to avoid:

1. Don't try and carry on a meaningful, deep discussion and drive a car.
This practice can be disastrous, or at least inefficient. Although it is entirely possible for most people to carry on a line of thought while allowing your unconscious to drive the car, but for your brain development, it becomes a circus of thoughts that wrap themselves into your brain. Pretty soon, you may lose contact with the reality of the road and don't know where you are. More than once my wife has had to direct me home, even if we are coming from the grocery store. I have a trick (that doesn't work anymore) in which I explain I wanted to see a new house in another block or a new car on the lot, making my new path sound reasonable. Of course, I think it is always more exciting to take new routes to see new things, and that is the usual plan of our overall lives anyway. My philosophy is that each outing can be a true adventure.

2. Don't try and make meaningful comments with lawyers using your clever logic.
You have to understand that there is an expectation of lawyers that you are making a point, which means you have to maintain some sort of concentration in a linear fashion. My mind tends to be nonlinear, often circular, mainly because I think it is more interesting to talk about philosophy, relationships, unsolved mysteries and environmental issues in connection with almost anything you want to discuss. I have had to testify in more than 25 court cases as an expert witness, and I can tell you it is tough looking serious and focused on the stand when everything can be so funny...the juror who is about to fall asleep, the opposing lawyer's antics of performing for the jury and judge, the mutterings I can hear from the court reporter. Once I was consulting with some lawyers on a case in which I was going to testify on trademark ownership, and I thought it was more interesting to discuss some research on the medicinal use of tobacco. This annoyed them greatly.
3. Don't work for your father-in-law.
Fathers-in-laws have a standard alone for sons-in-law, which will incorporate the practical care of their daughters and grand-children. It makes them very afraid of what you are going to do if you divert your attention beyond those issues, especially if you are also responsible for a profit for them. These are not good grounds to be your best at what you do best. Don't get me wrong. I have had good relationships with my in-laws and I enjoy them, but I also know to stay away from these traps. I have observed that fathers-in-law really don't have much interest in what you think as long as you are doing your job, not violating the code of secrecy about his golf game or urges, and not making him nervous about representing him and his business in a strange way. Boy! That would be a hell for me, and I could imagine how I could make life miserable and visa versa in that relationship. Nevertheless, I have seen many guys end up in these circumstances in which wifey wants a secure life with her crazy, creative husband and nothing else presents itself.

There are more, many more traps that need to be included in the manual for the ADD path. Therefore, I have decided to devote myself to the supervision of those like me and share a map of least resistance to happiness. Next installation: Traps to avoid in courtship before you make the costly disaster of commitment to a myth in your brain and not sitting across from you.

Taking the relationships of ADD seriously

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Fri, 22 May 2009 16:00:00 +0000

In the last two posts I have written rather humorous aspects of my personal experiences being diagnosed with ADD and the dangers in marriages. In response to my perceived levity I have received responses that these approaches were not appreciated as much as I enjoyed writing about them. Hopefully, I can correct the perception that these and other personality factors related to the issues with ADD are challenging and sometimes overwhelming, but I suspect that the humor may be part of the issue as well as well as one problem in marriage relationships as well.

I think it is well documented that the mind of someone with ADD has a very active imagination, likely due to the consistent theta frequencies in the frontal lobe and is the frequency in which people are very suggestive in a "hypnogogic" trance. One of the major challenges for staying in this state is that you have trouble standing in the focus mode and concentrating on the reality confronting you. You are more often than not in wonderland in your own fantasies while everyone else studying the multiplication tables or geography. This is the downside. This is why my wife has to ring a cow bell to get my attention and continually ringing it every 15 minutes or so.

The upside is that we love to use our imagination. Our inventors historically have been noted as having ADD symptoms, such as Thomas Edison, Elbert Einstein, Bill Gates, and others. And in each case, formal schooling was a problem. It is also a direct implication that "shamans" and some sensitive physicians have the same talent. Shamans are the spiritual leaders of various primitive tribes around the world who search for cures for their ailing patient through their dreams and altered consciousness. It is said that they have one foot in this reality and another in another reality so they can bring back healing rituals and wisdoms from beyond. I have observed these guys work and in some scientific studies have demonstrated some good results, but I am not making a case for shamanism, just that a rich imagination helps in some professions.

It is always interesting to me that many executive training is directed toward thinking "outside the envelope," while therapy for ADD is to think "inside the envelope." It is the same brain frequency that signifies the ADD syndrome that these trainers are striving for.

Comedians are the best examples of the richness of seeing two realities at the same time. After all, that is the definition of humor. Two women go to the zoo and become infatuated with a large gorilla bouncing around in his cage. They must have gotten too close to the cage because suddenly the gorilla grabs one and pulls her into the cage with him and has his way with her. Finally she is rescued by the zoo officials and rushed off the hospital. The next day her friend visited her and notes how depressed the patient is. As the friend tries to comfort her, she says, "It is so frightful that this wild animal was so crude to you, and I know you are very upset and traumatized."

The patient turned her with the response, "Yes, he doesn't call, he doesn't write. It is like he doesn't care anymore."

This joke is similar to the form of most humor. There is the shaping of one reality, the one most people would naturally assume and understand, then the punch line takes a radical shift in another reality perspective and we laugh at the contrast. We are fooled and we usually delight in the shift. Comedians count on this format to fool us so we can laugh, even at dark jokes, as long as we feel safe and not abusing our ethics. Of course, there are different kinds of humor. Back in the 60's Raymond Cattell, a very famous research psychologist, developed a humor test that purported to measure some personality traits by what kinds of humor we appreciated. I remember one interesting trait was "anger directed." This was defined as a person who appreciated humor with anger directed toward a group or types of people as a way of expressing their own anger.

The explanation I am suggesting is that many people with ADD symptoms may be "afflicted" with this ability to see two realities or sides to a point of view with a humorous point of view. As I point out the serious side of problems to marriage issues in ADD, I am using my own perspective of humor. This may not be the best solution, and not everybody can appreciate my humor and assume I am making light of the situation. That is a danger I have become aware of for many readers who don't see the funny sides to these sides. Humorists, like Will Rodgers, Molly Ivins, and Art Buchwald, fit into that special category who could make us laugh at ourselves, our government and even at the insanity of politics. I think these people would fit into the ADD category, but have no evidence.

I guess bottom line is that my posts are not intended to offend or belittle our issues with ADD, but to bring a sense of humor to the whole situation. Marriage relationships with an "ADDer" often begin with a lot of fun and creativity. The spontaneity and romanticism makes everyone real happy; however, this ceases to be fun when other forces of need come into play and demands for traditional thinking becomes the mode. What a joke someone has played on us.

Confessions of a Partner with ADD

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:04:24 +0000

The mail has been coming in about my last blog and the potential conflicts that arise in marriages among those individuals with ADD or ADHD and their spouses (or significant others), so I am committing myself to another self examination for possible insight for these and other issues. In this blog I am not focusing on the frustrations in inattentive behavior, but more on the compensation techniques we use for the occasional blunders in the nurturance of a relationship.

It may come as no surprise that we are fully aware that we can be distracted easily from important conversations and required duties around the house. As a rule, individuals with the diagnoses of ADD are at least average intelligence and do not have hearing losses more than the average person. And I may be as guilty as anyone else when I confess that I may be thinking of something more important (to me) than what my wife is saying about the leaky faucet or what person got voted off American Idol last night. It is a natural process that anyone has their own attention priorities and this in itself may create serious conflict in values. After all, what is more important than who won the heavy-weight boxing match, especially if you had fifty bucks on the outcome. Or another fight-to-be-avoided is when you are trying to find some justification in the family budget to go to Los Vegas for vacation. Sometimes it is easier to use the label of "inattention disorder" as a cover-up for family harmony, and just look surprised when we get caught without a good answer to the question we were just asked. We can be smart that way.

But there are other times we just get wrapped up in the static in our brains. For example, if my wife asked me where the car keys are, I will have at least 20 thoughts go through my head (I counted them) before I can answer and that is when I actually know where they are. During that split second I can process what the NASCAR has to say about cars in the last race, what coffee does to your brain in times like this, what my mother used to tell me about car keys, where to get a good car wash, and the color of my first girl-friend's shoes when we went on a picnic 40 years ago. Don't ask me how that last one got in there, but needless to say, psychoanalysis might answer that one day but not good for the current crisis, "Where are the car keys for the third time?"

I might get some hate mail for revealing the fact that we do know we have some issues with our lack of concentration, and we also feel frustrated trying to manage all the cover-up we do. Consequently we develop what psychologists call "compensatory" behaviors. I will give a short list now with more to come. This could last a long time and will require a lot of discussion with my wife as I proceed. I also want to explain that these behaviors are actually quite ingenious, if I do so myself, and I will offer some good rational for each.
• Chewing gum - If there is one habit my wife would want to change in my lifetime is chewing gum. It is not actually my chewing gum, it is how I chew gum. And I admit it can be a bit irritating to a peaceful mind. You see, I don't chew gum, I chomp gum. I make a lot of noise and if I am not stopped, I can put my jaw muscles in spasms.

But chewing gum is actually good for your brain. Wrigley has sponsored some interesting research that showed better test performance, better attention, fewer rest breaks and more peaceful attitudes for chewers. I have studied the brain itself and have come up with a brain model for these results. The chewing helps pump more blood into the frontal and temporal lobes, helping us stay more relaxed and gain some memory.

• Repeating the questions and taking time to answer - I am not sure this is unique to ADD, but I have learned to take my time in answering questions because there can be major traps wrapped around an innocent question. One example is: "Which dress should I wear to ...?" Or "How did you like that new lady visitor ...?" I have come to realize I can give no good answer to either of these or other questions, especially questions that have not been asked yet.

I usually go by the advice given to me by an Indian shaman who said to always give three moons time before answering an important question. I think my father said something similar, like "Be careful you don't step into a pile of bear dung just because the path looks the same."

• Drifting off - We are driving to somewhere and I notice the family is discussing something, but I am off in my own world chasing some idea or two, and suddenly I notice everyone is looking at me, expecting an answer to a question I did not hear. I usually have two choices: Confess that my mind was on the safety of everyone on the car and was concentrating on a possibly drunk driver with a threatening swerve (making me the hero), or I could make up some answer that would cover me, such as "That is a real important question and I need to think about the ramifications (perhaps creating the image of a wizard.)

Actually neither of these practices work well consistently, at least a second time, but I consider my "flexibility" in creative response to be worth an "A" in some parallel universe. However, I see the benefit of keeping me out of trouble and stirring up controversy in the family. And it usually turns out they really didn't want my opinion anyway (this reality can feel like a stinging sensation at times, which justifies my day fantasies).

Inattention and lack of concentration are not unique to individuals with ADD or ADHD. It is one of the most prevalent symptoms in the DSM, related to anxiety, depression, grief, stress and a host of brain disorders. But it is also related to falling in love, getting a traffic ticket, going through a divorce, or just plain boredom. The main difference is that we have been putting our parents and partners through these problems for years, not just recently. But I would bet a lot of people use these same compensations, but maybe not as practiced.

The Risks of ADD in a Marriage

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:55:46 +0000

During a recent Dr. Phil taping for problems in typical marriages, I was intrigued with the insinuation that having Attention Deficit Disorder might be a significant detriment in all marriages. In this show the wives were complaining about their husbands' ADD diagnoses, which they were sure they had because they were jerks, selfish, didn't follow their directions and unreliable. To my knowledge I don't think these items are on the diagnostic list of symptoms for ADD.

My immediate response was to defend individuals with ADD and not stigmatize them as risks in marriages, so I decided to conduct an experiment. Since the only person with ADD I had at my disposal was me, and the only spouse who had a spouse with ADD was my wife, I proceeded. I am sure that any Board of Human Subjects would frown on my low number of subjects and objectivity of the experimenter, but I was equally sure that the sample was representative and plowed ahead.

My wife is a professional psychologist who teaches at a well-known medical school and agreed to answer my questions; however, she had a smirk on her face as if I might try and "bend the outcome a bit." With promises that nothing would be held against her for honesty (which was not exactly true because I pouted for a while before I finally forgave her), she answered my questions with as much poise as she could muster without laughing hysterically. However, several times I made a decision that she was wrong and deleted her answer to put her husband in a better light. Without going through the list of questions and answers, let me say that things got a little confused with the definition of ADD and my behavior. I had to continue to remind her what things disgusted her about my behavior and which ones were related to ADD, like blowing my nose without a tissue, cleaning my ears with the silverware, and not putting the toilet seat down.

The results of actual symptoms and characteristics that were related to ADD behavior and tended to be issues were:
• Forgetfulness, such as making sure when I went for groceries, such as milk, I didn't get distracted and bring home bread.
• Distractiveness, such as having to ask to repeat the questions because there was a break in the television show when someone made a funny remark or a newscast came on describing a freak accident. And sometimes I have 20 things going on in my head between the time she asked me a question and I get around to answering. I refer to this demonstration by saying I was thinking seriously about the question and needed time to give a serious answer, even though the question might have been "What do you want for dinner?
• Lack of consistency, such as never being consistent in my way of managing tasks. For example, I may take the garbage out one week being very neat and organized, and the next week it looks like I drug out the mess one piece at a time, leaving all the paper to get in the bag by itself. I call this "executive thinking."
• Lack of routine, such as always having Sunday lunch together or a Tuesday night for hobbies. Having no routine can be worrisome because there is no sense of tradition. I keep telling her I am not a traditional guy. Why do you always have to have Christmas on December 25? Why not sometime in July when it is warmer and prices are better?

But in her own clever way she also brought up the benefits of living with a guy with ADD, such as:
• Life is much more exciting and eventful, such as the surprises of flowers and gifts for her and trying out new restaurants.
• Creativity, such as new ideas that we can share about ideas (re-building the back yard or repainting a room, new furniture).
• Humor in seeing who we are, such as laughing at ourselves and hearing new jokes, especially about the absurdities of life,
• Lost of memory for the bad things, such as forgetting when you got locked out of the house or when she forgot to show up at a meeting with you. Sometimes memory lost is a blessing in relationships because there is no need for forgiveness.
• Never a dull moment. Although both of us get tired of our endeavors, you can never say we are bored.

The end result was that the ADD issue is just what you bargain for in a marriage. It can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how it affected you. Like other characteristics you bring in a relationship, it is just part of how much they can become problems and how you deal with them. Yes, we have certain characteristics that are common that can be issues, but everyone is not a robot and has imperfections. I guess it all depends on the matrix of other forces in your lives as to how much you get bugged by tweaks of personality of each other. I think people with ADD have a gift, even if your OCD spouse might not agree. I would be interested in hearing the experiences of others.

ADD and ADHD: The Same?

G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:56:26 +0000

My book, The ADD Answer, has enjoyed an enormous amount of response the world over probably because it represents a no-nonsense approach for the families at home dealing with the problem. I focused on the primary disorder as being labeled Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) because I was most concerned with the neurological / psychological issues and the confusion of what "attention" problems come from, the brain signature for ADD in particular. There are things you can do for yourself that can be tremendously helpful. I give you this brief history of the book because in my last posts I started reverting to ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder/Hyperactivity Disorder) as being synonymous with ADD, since they have been linked in the DSM-IV. My readers have caught this generalization and made it clear that I have compromised my original position I took in the book. I appreciate the feedback and intend to return to my clinical opinion that ADD should stand alone.

While it is true that many children become hyperactive in their attempts to wake up their brains with new stimuli and shifts from routine activities, I do not feel that the hyperactivity itself is an intrinsic component of the disorder and is not evident from brain scans or neurological tests. It may be more of an anxiety reaction to the primary disorder than inherent in the problem. To attach a related behavior would be like diagnosing "depression with or without tears" or "mental retardation with or without behavior problems."

As one of my readers pointed out, David indicated that the combination does a disservice to the underlying issue. These children might have both, but those with just ADD are not naturally disruptive. Having a diagnosis of ADD myself, I cannot recount any time in my life that anyone would describe my behavior as hyperactive. To some extent the issue can be harmful to include. I have to evaluate many medical and psychological reports for this disorder and this statement is not rare, "The tests were inconclusive as to the presence of ADD, but the patient was placed on Ritalin anyway. He has responded well." The assumption is made that since the patient got better on drugs, the diagnosis was right. What a crock! Ritalin is a stimulant and juices up everybody, as many students have found these drugs to be very helpful around exam time and is on the black market for high dollar now days. Some athletes have found these very helpful in performance enhancement.

According to the research, the wide majority of those diagnosed with the disorder are boys. In fact, one of the signs on one of the item lists for ADD diagnosis was the item, "Being a blond-headed male." This is likely the result that boys are more hyperactive than girls and caused enough trouble to be evaluated. But this places girls and less assertive boys at a clear disadvantage of being helped with ADD or other psychological problems. In my clinical experience the less active students are left to their own devices to handle their problems for problems in concentration and focus. As their grades decline more restrictive labels are placed on them, such as "withdrawn, lazy, dumb, etc." And this creates a new issue. There is a tendency for these students to become depressed and the whole process gets confused with the real cause for the mood problems. Worse, the child may not recognize the underlying neurological or metabolic issues and accept the labels. Without help, he or she may resign themselves to lives with instituted restrictions on academic pursuits or personal achievement.

As I have read other books about these problems I continue to see the overgeneralizations to the ADD/ADHD problem, even those who add more issues, including a variety of new factors that might affect concentration (grief, rebellion, criminal attitude, etc.) I fear that the disorder will become so expansive that everyone will come under its umbrella, such as depression has become associated and treated for common sadness. If my mind rambles into associations with conspiracies, I could make a case for those money-grubbing drug companies trying to make all of us start taking uppers (stimulants like Adderal and Ritalin). We would have us hooked on both lowers and uppers (sedatives like tranquilizers).

Just to digress to a point that will not get me any votes for "Most Favorite" among drug companies, I want to make a point in regard to my mission to protect our children once more. On March 27, 2009 in the Washington Post, an article was printed: "In August 2007, the MTA researchers reported the first follow-up data, which by then no longer showed differences in behavior between children who were medicated and those who were not. But the data did show that children who took the drugs for 36 months were about an inch shorter and six pounds lighter than those who did not....
"With the MTA having followed the children for eight years, the latest data have confirmed that there are no long-term differences between children who were continuously medicated and those who were never medicated. Some of the data were published online yesterday in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry...."

Although I made this point in the book, it concerns me that I have absentmindedly (my ADD) blurred this issue in my later writings. I want to emphasize my passionate mission to help those with attention problems, regardless of the label. We have trouble enough without the added burden of adding more confusion and diluting the resources available to us. I need someone to kick my butt when I start becoming a cause for confusion instead of clarification.