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It is no surprise that we are approaching the stressful time of the year - the holidays. It seems paradoxical that "holidays" are defined as times meant for joy and release from work demands. The pictures of children dancing around, opening up gifts, families smiling in the chorus of a song, and group pictures are actual higher stress than routine Mondays. But they are generally when the worst of our nightmares often manifest themselves.
In my investigation of what stresses are most often present, I may have discovered seven of the underlying issues that seem to be programmed into our present day issues that churn our stomachs into ulcers and heads into migraines. In the spirit of David Letterman, I will use the reverse order to emphasize the mounting tension many people feel as they approach these times.
Number Seven: Justification of the money spent on others and festivities in relation to personal budget.
Most people would likely recognize this problem from the standpoint of the balance of gift value from the year before. We try to make our internal books consistent. "What did she give me last year?" And, "What has changed or not changed since then?" And this cost is based on what the budget (which is usually overdrawn) we can draw on. Of course, we want the best bang for the buck, so it puts us in conflict with the world of commerce. The most direct stress reduction would likely be to take the time to work out deals with each of your friends and family directly as to maximizing costs, auction games, etc.
Number Six: Expectations
As the days approach, we start with anticipatory anxiety. Will we look fat, old, poor, etc. as we know that we look forward to positive receptions, but that degree of judgment from others can be hurtful, especially from someone you need acceptance. Comparisons happen naturally from siblings because that a natural competitive feature of long term relationships, and that often extends to mates and children. Stress management skills would definitely rest of developing self confidence.
Number Five: Awkwardness
After the first moments of catch-up and remembrances of times past, topics of mutual interests often wane. If you are not into the football games or health challenges, you often find yourself feeling awkward. One of the worst things you can do is to fill in the time with munching over the cookies and stuffing yourself with things you will regret later. But the worst thing is to drink too much for your own management and make a fool of yourself that you will have to live down the rest of your life. A great stress reducer is to start a puzzle, play games of chess or checkers, or some other option in which you can appreciate each other more.
Number Four: Food Toxicity
As most nutritionists would agree, one of the worst foods you can consume is processed sugar. The heavy dosages of this substance can start your pancreas on a roller coaster ride resulting in extreme periods of energy, most of it in the downward spiral. Because of the demands for insulin to keep your blood sugar in balance, huge amounts are called for immediately and the manufacture to run at high and low speeds all day long. This consumption can result in a level of toxicity in your system in which even low level allergies can begin to pledge you. Add to this disaster the amount of pesticides on fruit and cereals with the preservation salt and chemicals in the food products like hams and sausage, you are a walking miracle of the human capacity to live on virtually anything on earth, at least for a little while.
Number Three: Memories
Holidays are significant anniversaries of events for all of us. They remind us of people and times we enjoyed as well as regret. There are individuals we miss and missed opportunities that we wish would return. And then there are also times we want to forget but the stage is set that the cues are so powerful we can't. And if we are successful in burying some feelings, someone is always around to remind you. These are issues of old business never being resolved and sometimes a time to grieve.
Number Two: Personal Boundaries
When people get together for the holidays there is usually the question to review how much power you give someone over what you think and what you do. I always make it a point never to discuss politics and religion, but there are also other topics with the explosive power for anyone to feel invited to judge your life. Many people feel that there is a right and many wrong answers, and if there is a history in which one's authority was ever given a platform, you can bet on some demand you will have to defend yourself or retreat. These incidences usually arise over family values and their applications.
Number One: Old Relationship Definitions
I have many friends who have reached the "wise years" (which is what I call them) in which I assume personal values would have been independently honed through their passages of successes and challenges. But I have seen these individuals act like five-year-olds when they walk into the room with their parents. I have no criticism but am amazed at this phenomenon. This person hasn't revealed that she got divorced yet (two years ago) to her mother because she doesn't want her expected criticism. Another person eats his second helping of food to please his mother although he is risking another heart attack by consuming the fat-laden potatoes and gravy. The relationships they have practiced since childhood has been defined, and stress will be elevated to crisis if confronted in reality of the age development. This process can be understood as part of the honor of the past, but it limits growth in more mature levels significantly.
Final Words: As I pointed out in the beginning, these revelations are not new and probably common in all cultures. Holidays are intended for enjoying the spirit of life, and however that can be achieved is still the ultimate answer to the challenge of stress.
Happy Holidays!
