In psychology news in today’s modern world, the issues of our tremendous
stress are on our personal coping skills. The research has validated the promotion of positive
cognitive perception, especially as we coach ourselves to act more rationally and solve our problems from within. I agree with the framework as a valid and constructive plan.
However, I am also aware that there are people who I would label as “Stress Inducers.” You can usually tell when they are present because there is an eerie silence around them because there is so much tension and fear that they will bring disaster to someone. You can almost smell them, or the unconscious reactions to them by the innocent, as they approach.
You probably know at least one at work or when you gather for a social event. They need people to act on, but they are not always visible or obvious. It may be only after they strike that you recognize them. Here are a few identifiers for those readers who have yet to be aware.
Little Red Riding Hood: This is that person who manipulates you in with their misery and then you turn out to be the bad guy. You know the story. This little girl who acts dumb enough that she convinces everyone she doesn’t even admit that she can recognize a wolf from her grandmother (some pretty bad eye sight), but who ends up as the bad guy and gets axed? Who was really the victim? Who was playing what game? You can’t tell me she played him and got away with the apple pie, the woodsman, and the press. Sometimes Little Red sucks in an altruistic person into what might be construed as an expression of injustice and all of a sudden she is a victim and everyone else should be punished, including the person who was assuming he or she was helping.
The Critical Parent: Everyone knows this person. You really think you are going to get support and understanding; however, he or she always knows that certain button to cut your legs from underneath you, even when you are prepared. This person is the one who out of a thousand people who can boost you up will be able to tear you down to nothing with one sentence. I am not immune. I remember a few years ago I wrote a monograph for physical therapists on some ways they could motivate people with physical disabilities. I received several hundred letters of appreciation for these hints, but I received one letter who said flatly, “This is boring.” Now do you want to know how many of those letters I still remember?
I am aware that the critical parent toxicity works a great deal off our egos, but there are some C.P.s (Critical Parents) that are so slick in their ways of taking your confidence away that you may not be aware of it for days. Those key words just lie there in your memory banks and eat away at you, even if you are unconscious of them. Lawyers are real good at this, even your lawyer.
Prince Charming: This is the person who becomes your best friend when you are venerable, and then disappears when it is time to stand up. This person has the reliability of a rain storm. I don’t know who this guy is because he keeps going by the same name in the fairy tales, but I have seen him using different names lately. This guy shows up for Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. Do you think he was wandering the forest just for fun? How can he be faithful to these three women and how many others in the woods if he is always taking advantage of vulnerable women? Besides, what kind of guy (or gal) would sexually advance himself (or herself) on a sleeping or naïve person and not have a shadow side to him. I have done some deep research on the outcomes of these relationships, and I must tell you it is an ugly picture. As soon as the kingdom is settled down, he goes off hunting again for the innocent and never stays around to work things out ( a few months at best.) The bad judgment just never goes away or gets better.
My suspicion is that Jack (of the Beanstalk fame) is actually Prince Charming after he got through rehab.
Maybe these characters are part of God’s plan to irritate and keep us from feeling too well adjusted, or perhaps these are just the way the human race divides itself up for balance. But I don’t think they show up by accident. They seem to be there when you are most vulnerable with self-confidence or when you are too stubborn with your ego issues to notice your weaknesses or humanness. This is the message. Be most careful to stand on your highest ethical and integrity grounds, even in your most exposed times. That is your best protection.
