Real Men Don't Write Blogs

I think that in recent years there has been a focus on empowering women in the name of "gender equality," which is admirable, but I think it's a little misguided because it seems like a very lopsided approach. Women should be more empowered, but it's important to see how both, women and men should ultimately fit into the big picture of gender equality in the long run (i.e. what are we aiming for with respect to both, men and women?). In other words, I think there has to be more discussion about the kind of roles that men should play with respect to "gender equality". After all, you can't really balance a (weighing) scale just by focusing on one side. You have to look at the whole scale to determine how both sides weigh with respect to each other to determine whether or not the scale is balanced.

Here in France we have a ministre for women rights. Think about it a second, a ministre for womens rights...that must mean our socialist gouvernement does believe that women/girls/females are at a disadvantage abosolutely across ALL societal issues compared to men.

Yet france does have figures in education comparable to the usa. Male completed suicide figures are three times higher for men. Jobs lost to the economy in metallurgy for example you have guessed it are male jobs in the majority.

Take cancer here can hardly move without a reminder of breast cancer ovarian cancer etc etc yet hard facts i saw recently show a minimum of 20 thousand more men die each year from cancer, the advertising for male cancers you ask?? strictly 0 percent yes 0 percent.

Men you see if you had not noticed are today as they were yesterday considered collectively as expendable.

As long as feminists and male feminists consider in any way shape or form that there is not 110 percent equality or even to tell the truth an distinct advantage in society for women, never ever shall mens issues be taken seriously.

Here in France we have a ministre for women rights. Think about it a second, a ministre for womens rights...that must mean our socialist gouvernement does believe that women/girls/females are at a disadvantage abosolutely across ALL societal issues compared to men.

Yet france does have figures in education comparable to the usa. Male completed suicide figures are three times higher for men. Jobs lost to the economy in metallurgy for example you have guessed it are male jobs in the majority.

Take cancer here can hardly move without a reminder of breast cancer ovarian cancer etc etc yet hard facts i saw recently show a minimum of 20 thousand more men die each year from cancer, the advertising for male cancers you ask?? strictly 0 percent yes 0 percent.

Men you see if you had not noticed are today as they were yesterday considered collectively as expendable.

As long as feminists and male feminists consider in any way shape or form that there is not 110 percent equality or even to tell the truth an distinct advantage in society for women, never ever shall mens issues be taken seriously.

according to some articles men are falling behind because our society has gone from heavy lifting(which men are generally better at) to keep it running to intellect and networking (which women are generally better at) to keep it running.

Why don't men stay home and raise the family while the wife goes out and makes the money since the workings of our society would fit better.

If the economy/society now is better built for women as I've read in countless articles, then the logical thing would be for women to be the breadwinner since she has a better chance at it (like men did when the economy required physical work more so than now)

I can't count the number of times men have said that they are logical and do things on reason and not on emotion like women do, but I don't see a lot of men clamoring to be the SAHD because it makes more sense in this economy. They can't handle the emotional impact and their lack of self worth by doing an unpaid unappreciated job.

I would like to help in this fight for change - how can I do my part?

I would like to help in this fight for change - how can I do my part?

I'm kind of shocked that this website even brought it up given the fact that the entire "psychology industry" is filled with feminist who were trained at highly liberal arts universities. Empowered women is a good thing. Complete equality is a great thing. But the radical feminist have taken the original desires of the womens movement and turned it into something totally different. For example, the issues of equality in custody along the lines of shared parenting. Women fight that tooth and nail and so does every single womens right group. But who are they hurting? WOMEN in paternal families? Female siblings of the child? And how about half of all custodial mothers who maintain the framework for their sons to be marginalized in their children's lives? Wonder what these women will say as grandmothers when their sons are removed from his children and the grandmother rarely sees the child?

Since men are generally preferred in society, why are they struggling? And why are they not saying something about the fact that they are in need? Women fight so hard to address the struggles they face yet men do not want to say what they really think/ want. So what is holding them back?

I agree that gender equality is a two way street, ie. many women fight hard for equal treatment but its still not widely accepted by society. Attitudes need to change. So maybe if men start speaking up then it will pave the way for change for both boys and girls. Men would benefit everyone by speaking up and addressing the concerns that they feel they are facing.

Its good news to hear that men feel that they are missing out- it means that there are things that still need to be addressed, and that change in general attitudes of stereotyping of men and women is a possibility in the near future.

I would be interested to see if this correlates with more and more households that are run by single mothers. Perhaps a comparison also with the statistics on just how many men are still living at home, i.e. failing to launch.

Moms have a tendency to be harder on their daughters, we expect more because we know what they will face in the future. Men tend to be the same with their sons. Remove a good number of fathers, usually from their own disinterest, what is a son to do? Especially if the opposite sex parent has a tendency to coddle, baby or expect them to act as "the man of the house" before they are capable of doing so.

Thank you for this article. It discusses a major problem, and I want to help - my family is full of young boys for whose future I care deeply. The most obvious thing I can think of is to be as strongly pro-man as I am pro-woman, and to discourage damaging gender stereotypes. As for the damaging culture that surrounds us, it needs some harsh critique.

To fellow commenters and anyone else who wants to improve men's prospects, I want to say: for the sake of your own cause, please stop blaming "feminism" for everything that's going wrong- it's really pathetic, just as pathetic as feminists blaming men for all that's wrong. We're in this together. We have differences, but we're more alike that we are different - we're human and have to live together in this world. A lot of women who identify as feminists are intelligent, educated and altruistic - exactly the sort of people you want on your side if you want to change the world. Ask them what they want - they want equality. That doesn't mean making the world crappy for men. It means making the world better for everyone.

People who set themselves up as anti-feminist seem to be anti-women's rights, because without feminists women would not have rights. I think the anti-feminists have effectively stigmatised their own cause, and that's why pro-men groups are having a hard time gaining traction politically and accomplishing their goals. "Pro-man" seems to imply "anti-woman" because of the oppositional rhetoric from anti-feminists and social conservatives. Women needed male allies to gain more rights and freedoms, and men need female allies now too.

Thank you for this article. It discusses a major problem, and I want to help - my family is full of young boys for whose future I care deeply. The most obvious thing I can think of is to be as strongly pro-man as I am pro-woman, and to discourage damaging gender stereotypes. As for the damaging culture that surrounds us, it needs some harsh critique.

To fellow commenters and anyone else who wants to improve men's prospects, I want to say: for the sake of your own cause, please stop blaming "feminism" for everything that's going wrong- it's really pathetic, just as pathetic as feminists blaming men for all that's wrong. We're in this together. We have differences, but we're more alike that we are different - we're human and have to live together in this world. A lot of women who identify as feminists are intelligent, educated and altruistic - exactly the sort of people you want on your side if you want to change the world. Ask them what they want - they want equality. That doesn't mean making the world crappy for men. It means making the world better for everyone.

People who set themselves up as anti-feminist seem to be anti-women's rights, because without feminists women would not have rights. I think the anti-feminists have effectively stigmatised their own cause, and that's why pro-men groups are having a hard time gaining traction politically and accomplishing their goals. "Pro-man" seems to imply "anti-woman" because of the oppositional rhetoric from anti-feminists and social conservatives. Women needed male allies to gain more rights and freedoms, and men need female allies now too.

I remember feeling anxious when my son was born. I grew up in a progressive environment where I received as much encouragement as my brothers did to become whatever I wanted to be. This was back in the 70s, and I don't wish any other woman to go through the fights I went through when I decided to get a degree in a male-dominated profession.

I felt that through my experience, I had a good blueprint for guiding a daughter, but it didn't take too much thought to realize that this was a lot more difficult for a son. I agree with the previous poster that blaming feminism for the this is pathetic, as if blaming feminists or teaching grown men to deal with women is going to solve the situation with boys.

This is a parenting problem above all, one where fathers need to participate fully. This is not going to be solved by teaching boys how to be real men, whatever that means. It's going to be solved by removing stupid gender expectations, i.e. you can show your anger, but not your pain. We also have modern social expectations that compound the problem as we expect boys to be more in tune with emotions, yet we confuse them with the "boys don't cry" code, which in essence are asking boys to relinquish their childhood.

At the time, I read a book that helped me to remove mixed messages when raising my son: «Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood». This was a start, and it's taken a great deal of work to challenge the assumptions I didn't know I had when it came to raising boys. Interestingly enough, as I'm divorced now, his father still preaches the old boy code. My teenage son is perfectly aware of what his father is telling him and listens, but doesn't let that interfere with his feelings. He's not in this world to please anybody, he's here to become a decent human being and a productive member of society.

This only makes me think of when he was feeling isolated at school. He told me, he said that there was a noisy group of peers in his class. He didn't join them, he told them they should be more respectful, and for that he was pushed aside. I'm glad he told me. I went to the school, and he was quickly put in another class. He's a lot happier now. I was not going to add insult to injury by telling him to be a man and stand up for what he believed. That was going to bring him more heartache.

I think most parents want their sons to succeed, but they probably don't have the tools to do it. At the root, it's essential to challenge our own assumptions of what being a boy really is. If we expect them to be real men instead of children, then we're heading for failure. Boys are not equivalent to 'little men', who need to be tough, independent and never cry... Those who blame feminists for this are missing the point big time.

As a woman, mother, professional, and concerned citizen, I have been worried for over a decade about the state of boyhood and manhood in America. We as a culture are immensely protective of girls and women, as we should be, but we have neglected our sons. In fact, in many ways, we leave them immensely unprotected, as Michael Gurian (The Wonder of Boys) pointed out in 1996. According to USA Today, that book put in motion a "boys movement" in 1996.

I for one was very happy about that. I was working in the Colorado school system and thought, "We are now going to care for our sons as much as our daughters (I am a mother and grandmother of both genders)." In the intervening years, many people are doing just that. Recently, more people are bringing increased passion to the dialogue, as is evidenced by Christina Sommers recent article and Mark Sherman's blog. But the fact also remains, we have a long way to go in search of real compassion for our sons.

Ten years ago, I joined The Gurian Institute, a think tank and training institute that focuses on science-based learning and gender differences between boys and girls and women and men. Over the last decade, I've traveled to over a hundred communities in the U.S. and abroad to provide training. Everywhere I go, I find a great deal of interest in helping boys. I also find confusion about what it means to care for boys as much as girls. Schools, communities, even parents aren't sure whether it is okay to see that boys are struggling as much as girls, and in schools in particular, that they are struggling much more than girls.

One place I just saw this manifest was the Billions Rising campaign. As a woman, I was so glad to see celebrities on television joining together to help combat violence against women. For myself, my daughters, and every woman who has been a victim, I was glad and still am. At the same time, I wondered: where is the campaign for boys and men? Males are far more likely to be victims of violence than females, whether that violence is suicide, murder, school or street violence, assault, or child abuse. The only violence statistic that is close in numbers between boys and girls is sexual abuse/rape. Even that statistical gap closes when prison rape is added to the statistics base.

There is nothing wrong with campaigns to help girls and women. These must and will continue forever. We are and always will be protective of girls and women. But it is time we funded campaigns to protect boys and men with just as much vigor. We are losing a generation of sons right before our eyes. This is as much a "women's" issue as is any other. If we women and feminists do not help these boys and men, we will not be able to fully protect our girls and women. No more is it possible to think "he vs. she"--we are in this together, and it is time we become completely honest about the needs of boys, and how we can help them thrive.

--Dakota Hoyt, Executive Director, the Gurian Institute, www.gurianinstitute.com.

Something that people have missed is that girls do not find intelligent males attractive. They prefer loudmouthed thugs and bullies. Consequently, there is little incentive for boys to display intelligence at school or anywhere else. In fact, intelligence guarantees male sexual disenfranchisement. Intelligence does not carry the same social stigma for girls as it does for boys, which is why they do better. Simple, really.

Too late. Take a look at Japanese birth and marriage rates to see your children’s future. All Western nations are imploding.

I have 3 young adult children, 2 girls and 1 boy. I notice a big gap in maturity between boys and girls. If I remember right that gap used to be about 3 years and would gradually disappear in the mid 20's. Now looking at not just my children but their friends, co-workers, fellow students, etc and I see that gap widening. It seems as if many of the boys are stuck in the video game, frat-house syndrome much longer than they used to be while the girls are more serious about life, college and career. I have heard the complaint from the girls that to find somebody at their maturity level they need to date guys 5 to 7 years older than them.