Almost a year ago I had what I thought was to be a relatively minor arthroscopic knee surgery. I dutifully went to my primary care doctor and asked for a referral to an orthopedist. I followed everyone's instructions: stopped my supplements a week or two before surgery, continued to ice my knee after surgery and went to physical therapy religiously. But three months after surgery I still wasn't feeling well - my blood pressure was abnormally high, I had some memory loss and difficulty sleeping and my knee started hurting more.
I turned, as I have in the past, to alternative therapies. I took supplements such as magnesium and arginine to lower my blood pressure, I went through a liver cleanse, then did some intravenous therapies as I felt the medications I had received may have contributed to my problems. Over time, my blood pressure returned to normal as did my memory and energy level but the knee problem continued to worsen.
I began to meditate on what might be the message for me, what could I do better in this situation and realized that I had gone into my first surgery being pretty unconscious. I took others advice and I wasn't listened to or didn't try hard enough to be proactive, to be more conscious about what was happening to me.
So, to make a long story short, I will probably have to have a second surgery. This time, I have interviewed several orthopedists, I have done my own research about the surgery and was more prepared to ask specific questions of the prospective surgeons. I have searched for any spiritual aspects related to my knee pain and found a message that I've heard before in previous illnesses - you need to slow down and pay attention. I have refused general anesthesia and will advocate again and louder for the use of fewer drugs and lower dosages for pain meds as I know this is best for MY body.
Being conscious has made me feel more competent, less afraid of what will happen with the next surgery. I am always amazed at how easy it is to "go unconscious" in life. Even in small situations. Especially in everyday situations - what I will choose to eat at mealtime and whether or not I choose or just eat what's easy and convenient. There are many other times in life when it is so easy to be on auto-pilot. But this past year has certainly shown me in a very painful and dramatic way that consciousness is one of the most important aspects of healing and may be one of the most important lessons learned from an illness or an injury.
I will leave you with this quote: "To proceed very far through the desert, you must be willing to meet existential suffering and work it through. In order to do this, the attitude toward pain has to change. This happens when we accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth."
— M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth)
