Many years ago while gathering information for my book The Self-Esteem Teacher I asked approximately 1,500 educators to answer a brief questionnaire anonymously. The first question asked, "Please describe briefly one experience that you had with an educator when you were a student that reinforced your self-esteem. What grade were you in at the time?" Later, I added "and motivation" at the end of the first sentence.
My purpose for asking this question was twofold. The first was to identify those experiences that we had as students with our teachers and school administrators that created what I called an "indelible positive memory of school." The second was to encourage educators to use their own experiences as students to create similar positive memories for the children and adolescents in their classes.
I had not, however, anticipated one of the most frequent themes that emerged. I was impressed with the number of positive memories that involved the act of being asked by a teacher to help out or contribute in some manner to the well-being of others. Examples included, "In the third grade, I was chosen to help get the milk and straws" and "I remember when I was asked to tutor a younger child."
My colleague Sam Goldstein and I advance the belief that there appears to be an inborn need for children to want to help. If you wish to test this assertion just stand in the lobby of a nursery school and pronounce, "I need your help." We predict that all of the young children hearing this request will quickly rush toward you, welcoming the invitation to be helpful. The act of helping others not only reinforces empathy and responsibility, but in addition, a more hopeful, resilient attitude. In effect, when we are engaged in what we label "contributory activities" it conveys the belief that "I make a positive difference in the lives of others. I am a worthwhile person."
Sam and I emphasize the importance of providing children with ASD opportunities to make this kind of difference as a concrete way of boosting their dignity and sense of responsibility.
In my last blog post that focused on identifying and reinforcing each child's "islands of competence," I described John, an 11-year-old on the autism spectrum, who was socially isolated. He loved to draw cartoons. His teacher initiated a cartooning club in the classroom and asked John to be her assistant because he was already a "cartoonist." John assumed his new role with obvious joy. Although he had to be supervised at times as he attempted to teach or guide the other students, his interactions with peers improved. His helping others in their cartooning activities provided him a sense of purpose.
Another example of "contributory activities" involves Jill, a 12-year-old girl with ASD, who had difficulty relating with her same-age peers but found comfort in teaching a lullaby to two younger neighborhood girls, ages 5 and 7, as they were playing with a dollhouse. She also taught them to play the game Candyland. Jill's positive, responsible behavior was reinforced when she was complimented not only by the mother of the two girls but by her parents as well. While the children she was helping were younger than she was, the interactions still afforded her experiences to improve her social skills and develop what Sam and I call a "social resilient mindset."
"Contributory activities" can also be undertaken as a family via charitable work through one's place of worship and/or through such endeavors as "Walks for Hunger" or "Walks for Breast Cancer Research" or whatever one's designated charity is. During and at the conclusion of these activities we can tell our children with ASD how helpful they have been and the difference they have made in the lives of others. For children who are often what one clinician called "success deprived," such feedback will have an immense impact on nurturing their self-esteem and resilience.
Robert Brooks is the co-author, with Sam Goldstein, of Raising Resilient Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders.
