Raising Grieving Children

How children can survive the death of a loved one.

Phyllis R. Silverman, PhD, is a Scholar-in-Residence at Brandeis University Women's Studies Research Center. See full bio

Comments on "When My Child Was Murdered"

When My Child Was Murdered

By Phyllis R. Silverman, Ph.D. on August 17, 2009 in Raising Grieving Children

Parents find ways to honor their murdered child's life by involving their communities in programs that try to prevent others from being murdered.Through these programs they find comfort and energy to carry on and to maintain a continuing bond with their child. Read More

psychology after the death of a child

Submitted by IamRobin on October 20, 2009 - 5:07pm.

Could a mother - without realizing the cause - be depressed around her child's birthday?
About 18 years ago, i lost 2 children when my husband committed a double murder and suicide. I am always depressed, still - but find myself very blue around their birthdays. At first, i know i feel blue, but not sure why. I am starting to notice a pattern in this and just wondering if it is possible that emotionally, i know that a special day is coming. Anyone else have these feelings or even just have a comment? Thanks!

When your child is murdered

Submitted by Phyllis Silverman on October 20, 2009 - 6:49pm.

Your feelings are very normal. I am not sure we can ever put the past really behind us.We need to find ways of remembering, and birthdays are a time when memories are stirred to say the least. Recent research has told us that with time things do get a bit easier but the need to remember doesn't go away. I hestate to give advice but I can tell you what other parents have said about how they deal with birthdays, after the death of a child. MOst plan ahead to do something special for that day to honor their children's lives. Parents have talked about volunteering at a Children's Center or hospital; they find an activity in the community that suits them and involves them; some have talked about involving family and friends who share their feelings and understand their pain in an appropriate event. There are several organizations, if you do not already know about them, that might help you find other parents who will understand what you are going through: Compassionate Friends and Mothers of Murdered Children.