Honoring the Memory of Senator Kennedy
The past few days have been filled with mourning the death of Senator Ted Kennedy. Several things came to my mind as I watched the programming that followed him through his career as a U. S. Senator. They followed him through the various crises in his life, some self inflicted, to the time where he emerged as a serious and very successful senator. He understood from his own health issues the need to be involved in the care he received. He also understood the need to consider all the implications of the various problems he had, and the possible impact on his ability to carry on in his work. He wanted the same options for all of us.
I am not privileged to know about any conversations he had with his doctors after he was told of his brain cancer. We do know that he chose treatment when he thought it might give him some quality of life for a period of time. In the end, he died quietly with his family around him in his own home. This was the same important option he wanted to give to all of us.
For those of you who faced this decision with a younger husband/ or wife at a time when you had children still at home, you can understand the importance of advanced planning and conversations with your physicians about options. Advanced planning involves deciding when to stop treatment, how to manage pain, and choosing whether to die at home, with hospice care, at an in-patient hospice, or in the hospital. Instead of advancing our understanding of advanced planning, we have been inundated with talk of death panels-- which no one is proposing. We are being told that there is a real danger that the government will pull the plug on "grandma" or euthanize the mentally handicapped. This kind of distortion of the facts is doing a great disservice to all of us, but particularly to anyone faced with terminal illnesses.
We need to ask ourselves, how can people be taken in by such distortions of the facts? How do we help people at any age understand the need to think about the healthcare questions a person will need to answer if they are faced with serious illness at any time in their lives? We may not have all the answers. I once had what is now called routine surgery, to replace a hip. This was several years ago and I learned that I needed a second surrogate, other than my husband, who could make decisions for me if I was in a life-threatening situation. I asked one of my sons to fill that role. He agreed and asked me to write down what I would want. As I started to do so, I couldn't get past the first sentence. There were too many variations on the theme. It confronted me with my own difficulties and how hard it is to deal with such decisions. I began to appreciate that in some way, even if the discomfort can be overwhelming, we need to be able to consider that death is something we all must face eventually. We don't need all the answers but we do need to ask the questions, and it would be useful to have someone to talk with about it.
I come now to the current misinformation we are getting. Are we so afraid of death that we are ready to believe whatever we are told by uninformed people? Are we so afraid that we will fail to reimburse healthcare professionals for the time they spend helping the people they serve about such issues?
I have talked in other blogs about continuing bonds with the deceased. There are advantages for the living when there is planning done with advanced directives. I am reminded of a young father who knew that there was no longer any hope for treatment that could stop his cancer from spreading and eventually killing him. He was at home and he had two young sons. While they knew that he was "dying," it was not clear how much they understood about what that meant. He decided that he would use the time to make a video of himself (while his appearance hadn't changed) talking to his children answering any questions they might have about his life. After he died, they quickly learned what dying meant. Their father's video became a very special treasure for them. Both of Ted Kennedy's sons, talked about the time they had with their father this summer, and over the past year, and how that time was very special for them. They got to know each other in ways they had little time for before the illness. This is a time they will treasure for the rest of their lives.
