I joke with my friends that I have long suffered from FOCS (Fear of Competitive Sports). As a young adolescent, however, this was not a joking matter. I missed out on lots of social opportunities and physical activity due to this intense fear. Even though by age 15 I was a very athletic person, I never believed I was good enough to play a team sport. Much of this is likley my own personal problem and I'm not trying to place blame or promote a society of sissys, but some childhood sports experiences certainly solidified my long-term fears. I am very petite and so as a young kid I simply could not compete against my much larger peers. Still, I was forced to play highly competitive sports even in elementary school. I had my own serving line in 5th grade volleyball just so my spindly arms could get the ball over the net. Large 5th grade boys would yell out "you suck" and pick me last for the team. By the time my stature caught up to a competitive level I was too scared to sign up for a team. I think perhaps if physical exercise is stressed more than competition in the younger years, kids may be more likley to sign up for sports and gain the benefits of competition later in life. In 5th grade I simply could not seperate my poor sports performance from my developing self-concept. Once this ability is formed, competitive sports may become a much more positive experience.

I have yet to understand why our society has this need to separate out sports and hold it to a different standard than other aspects of our young people's lives. I have two kids, both of which have played or still do play soccer, lacrosse, baseball, hockey, football, basketball, and gymnastics. They also play an instrument, enjoy writing, drawing and many other pursuits. I have to say that we are currently a two hockey player family and yes in the winter our lives revolve around the schedule of our kids' teams. However, how does this differ from the family that travels all across the country to let their daughter compete in pageants and talent contests, or those that spend endless hours drilling their children on the Articles of the Constitution so they can compete in debate? Or 3 hours a day of piano! Yes it is true that sport, especially competitive level sport, has a tendency to be exclusionary, but really in life what isn't??? Some people, young and old, are just not able to play the game at the level needed either because of physical size or talent or financial commitment or whatever. At the same time my daughter is not a 9 year old beauty queen (at least not outside of the minds of herself, her mom and me) and thus is not afforded the opportunities of others born with the natural gift of that kind of beauty. I would really like to see us get away from finding all the things that are wrong with the experiences of our children (sports related and not) and find the things our children can be successful at and lead them that way. Not everyone can be Michael Jordon, but neither can everyone be Albert Einstein, and not everyone can win a Nobel Prize and not everyone can be Kirsten Haglund (Miss America 2008). More coaches and teachers and opportunity is not going to change that. I didn't get to play football, even though I loved it, because I was not big enough. But it didn't keep me from playing with my friends in the park every weekend. Opportunity to play at the things children love are there. I don't see anyone building walls around our parks to keep kids out. However, the idea that everyone should be allowed to compete at a high level is just wrong. And you know what, the sooner our kids learn that the sooner they can focus their energies on things they are good at and that make them happy. Not being Sudsy Monchik (one of the top 5 racquetball players in the world over the last 10+ years) doesn't keep me from playing, I just find I play within myself and for myself. This move to not being able to tell kids sorry you just aren't good enough for something is at the heart of this entitlement mentality that the current young generation has developed. They have never been told no or shown that there are winners and losers (everyone has to get a trophy or a medal) and so they believe they deserve EVERYTHING. But you know what if you are not a good leader you don't get to be CEO, maybe the skills you have are only going to get you to the point where you can be an accountant. As parents our generation puts some much importance on our ability to give our kids everything we have lost sight of the fact that not all of them deserve everything. So learn to be happy with what you can do rather than try to tear down those that can do what you can't.