By Don Greif, Ph.D.
Two months ago at the Masters Rory McIlroy led going into the final round, and then collapsed. Spectacularly.
As of this Sunday morning Rory McIlroy, the 22-year old golfer from Northern Ireland, is once again leading one of golf's Majors going into the final round. This time by 8 strokes. That is a lot of strokes. To get to this point he really seems to have exemplified what I called "the resilience and the courage to risk losing again" in "The Thrill of Victory and the Lessons of Defeat."
After his Masters loss McIlroy's words and attitude indicated that he would probably not succumb to the demons afflicting those who are devastated by failure and are, consequently, afraid to put themselves in the position to fail again. As I noted, "McIlroy, at twenty-one, appears unlikely to fall prey to the fear of failure. He seems mature beyond his years. Following his loss he handled his final round debacle with grace, dignity and aplomb. He did not avoid the media's scrutiny, admitted that he didn't handle the pressure well, and said he hopes his loss will build character. He may be one of the lucky ones who is already grounded at a young age; if true, this bodes well for his fulfilling his extraordinary potential."
McIlroy has even acknowledged that he wasn't ready to win at the time of his Masters loss. But what does it mean to be ready to win? For one it means being comfortable with the recognition, elevated status, expectations, responsibilities, and pressures that come with winning. It also means being okay with the fact that some people will feel envious and resentful simply because winners make them feel inadequate.
Becoming comfortable winning and being known as a winner is a bit like learning to ride a bicycle. It is a learning process that involves taking small, incremental steps, falling, getting back up, and ultimately taking the risk of letting go.
Readiness to win also requires being aware of any underlying fears or anxieties about winning. As I explore in "Demon Victory: When winning isn't the only thing" winning can be scary for many reasons," although most professional athletes would probably be irritated by the mere suggestion that they are anxious about winning. Even if they are aware of it, most athletes would never publicly acknowledge that they have fears or conflicts around winning, or reveal they are were overwhelmed by anxiety and couldn't handle the pressure of being in contention in a tournament. Such a confession would undoubtedly lead others to stigmatize (at least in the case of male athletes) them as weak or unmanly. Professional athletes rarely admit anything that could make others perceive them as vulnerable, unless they have overcome their fears and become successful.
In acknowledging that he wasn't ready McIlroy seems to have the kind of self-knowledge, self-awareness, and self-acceptance that strongly suggests he just might prevail in today's final round. With his mental game becoming as impressive as his technical abilities he is becoming a genuine force in the game. We will find out later today if he is indeed ready to win.
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About the author:
Don Greif, Ph.D. is a psychotherapy supervisor and faculty member at the William Alanson White Institute, Executive Editor of Contemporary Psychoanalysis (where his recent article, "Revaluing Sports," appeared), and has a private therapy and forensic practice in NYC. He has consulted with the Yale women's golf team, individual amateur athletes, and performers in the arts. He is a former college lacrosse player and avid golfer and has mastered many-but, of course, not all-of his demons.
© 2011 Don Greif, All Rights Reserved
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychoanalysis-30
