Last week, a friend of a friend died by suicide. This friend of mine found out about her friend's death via Twitter. "Of all places!" you may be thinking, but let me explain. My friend, Leigh, and her friend, Gideon, had connected online. Gideon had a number of "virtual" friends, people who considered him part of their lives through their connections on Twitter, or Gideon's blog, or other online communities.
A tremendous outpouring of grief and mourning occurred after Gideon's death was announced - services were held on Twitter, thoughts were shared about his life using a Twitter hashtag to designate them as related, and an online condolence book was created. Gideon had over 2,500 followers on Twitter. Perhaps it is needless to say that Gideon's impact - and the impact of his death - reverberated in both the "real" and virtual worlds.
I've had many recent discussions about memorials for people who die by suicide, because there are many questions about how to remember the life of someone who chose to end that life. The suicide prevention field has generally said: "Don't glorify or romanticize suicide or people who die by suicide," particularly because impressionable people may be influenced by seeing someone who died by suicide receive a lot of attention. Ideally, someone who dies by suicide should not be memorialized in a way that someone who died in a different way, such as in a car accident or from a physical illness, would not be memorialized.
There are those who would like to see all online memorials for people who've died by suicide removed. But, I think there must be a reason that these memorials are created - and maintained. I'd posit that it's as much a way for the survivors, the people who are left behind, to start to heal as it is a way to remember and even celebrate a life lost.
If Gideon had not died by suicide, but had died in another way, I have little doubt that those who had been connected to him would have mourned him in the same way. New media do pose new questions to us about how to deal with memorialization. At the same time, I think there are some basic questions that could apply to all memorials.
Is mental illness different from physical illness as a "cause of death"? If not, should a part of a memorial for a person who died by suicide acknowledge that their death is a tragic end to a struggle with mental illness?
Often, when people are cautious or afraid to do something to memorialize someone who died by suicide, they end up keeping quiet about the cause of death. How much do our fears of talking about suicide contribute to the stigma around mental illness and suicide?
Should the fact that someone died by suicide deny them a memorial that someone else who died a different way might receive?
I know I'm asking difficult questions. I'm even a little uncomfortable just asking them. Pulling apart myth from fact and building a more complete evidence base to direct our thinking about these kinds of decisions would be helpful. New media may provide us with an opportunity to think anew about these questions - the quick and perhaps controversial response to Gideon's death certainly made me think about things differently. May his memory be for a blessing.
Copyright 2009 Elana Premack Sandler, All Rights Reserved
