Are Parents to be blamed when their adolescents victimize others? From time to time, I read or hear news reports about how one or more adolescents have victimized one of their peers. About a month ago, it had to do with beating to death of a Chicago teen, and last week it was the gang rape of a fifteen year old girl. Out of habit, the first thing that pops into my mind is to ask who the parents of these attackers are, and why. But the truth is, parents are not to be blamed for the actions of their adolescents, however this is not to suggest that parents are relieved of all responsibility in regards to the actions of their adolescent offspring. This last sentence may seem confusing, but it is simply a matter of distinguishing between decision making and enabling.
Years ago, when I worked as a caseworker in a juvenile state program, the order of the day for a juvenile convicted of a sex crime, would be tell me about how he was molested as a child. I would share my condolences with the youth, and inform him that while I could see how his unfortunate experience shaped his perceptions, his actions on his victim, and his unfortunate experience as a child, were two different incidents with no relationship to each other. (Nevertheless, I would always make it a point to process the youth's trauma). I would occasionally find myself in a heated argument over this statement with a few co workers, and I would always remind them of several youths we had worked with, who had been molested as children and they had never sexually abused or molested anyone. It is easy for people to place blame on their parents for their bad behaviors, but there are plenty of adolescents who have been victimized by their parents, or witnessed their parents victimize someone else, and have chosen to not follow the same path. The bottom line is, adolescents can be responsible and should be held accountable for their actions, particularly when it involves the act of intentionally causing bodily harm to others.
While it is true that much research conducted on the brains of adolescents and young adults strongly suggest that the adolescent brain is still in development, particularly in the areas responsible for judgment and intelligence, adolescents are still very much responsible for their own decisions. Why?
“Treating others like you would like to be treated,” is a concept that I have found most adolescents don't have a problem comprehending.
So how is it that some adolescents who victimize others, have been raised by parents who would never hurt a soul? Well, when it comes to child rearing, the old saying is true. “It does take a village to raise a child.” In regards to the decision making of an adolescent, if a teen manages to find himself surrounded by a culture of peers who will encourage poor decision making, a parent's words and teachings will only fall on deaf ears.
So if the decision making of a teen is not the responsibility of parents, at what point is it fair to hold a parent responsible for the his or her adolescents' actions? The answer lies in enabling. Think of it this way, if you have a spouse who struggles with alcoholism, would you leave him or her home alone with infants, toddlers or children? If you are a sane person, your response would be no, this is why when there are incidents of parents whose negligence has led to their child or children being hurt, most prosecutors would look to charge both parents. One for being negligent, and the other for being a silent enabler of chronic negligence.
The same mentality applies when parents are to be held responsible for the actions of their adolescents. When an adolescent is found to have committed an unthinkable act in the community, most people will ask if a similar or less severe form of the behavior has occurred in the past and what actions the adolescents' parents took to address it. Unfortunately most parents tend to be so caught up with protecting their children, that when a serious behavior is displayed, the response is to cover up and prevent the teen from being held accountable, much to the detriment of the adolescent. Unfortunately, most parents have a tendency to only put in effort to seek treatment for their teen, once the teen has begun victimizing the family.
While the adolescent brain is a work in progress, adolescents will always be capable of making the right decisions, particularly when it concerns the welfare of others. Further more, they are more likely to make the right decisions, when they are consistently held accountable for poor decision making.
