I had a wake-up call this week. Not the worst kind, like a critical illness or death, but a shake-up wake-up nonetheless. I'm in the middle of a busy book tour (my book, Live a Life You Love, came out in March), but the events of last week suddenly froze time. It felt like when your heart skips a beat, pauses for a scary moment that you breathlessly feel all the way up into your neck, then heaves back into action with a huge thud against your chest wall.
My husband, who is Mexican, immigrated last year and has been looking for work in his field ever since. Last week, with virtually no notice, he got a job offer on a cruise ship. As I write this he's on board, about to make a trans-Atlantic crossing which will have him in Europe for the next six months. Gone, just like that.
Some of you probably already know my story. I used to be a very depressed physician, until I turned my life upside down by taking up dancing and seizing back life on all levels, culminating in my moving to Mexico to write and start my own flamenco dance company. The whole experience was so liberating and joyous, and so beneficial to my health and happiness, that I wrote Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You, to help others create a similar revolution in their own lives.
I still love my life, but this sudden turn of events last week made me realize that for the last year I've been more focused on this herculean effort of birthing a book into the world than being truly present. I've been bogged down and distracted with edits and rewrites, promotion and publicity planning, media interviews, on it goes. My husband has been a great support, we even talked about this "book release" phase before we got married, as we knew it would arrive one day. In June, after things settle down, we were planning a trip to Hawaii to decompress, reconnect and celebrate our anniversary. So much for that.
Thankfully he's just thousands of miles away - many people get handed their wake-up call in a form that's much more cruel. Still, I've lost something I took for granted. When we put things off that matter because of something we "have to" do right now, we risk arriving tomorrow and finding that the thing that matters most has disappeared.
My friend and fellow author, Luke Lively, wrote a wonderful novel about this phenomenon: A Questionable Life. In it, a successful banker named Jack watches his life crumble, and then slowly pieces it back together with the help of a wise mentor, Benny. Here are some thoughts, with quotes from the book:
1) Are you taking, or giving?
"I had taken, not given, all my life. I was truly reaping what I had sowed."
I recently shared a stage with best-selling author and speaker Dr. John Izzo. In his speech, he mentioned this universal law of life: if you show up in life taking, things will be taken from you; if you give, things will be given to you. This past year, I took more emotional support from my husband than I gave. I would do that differently today, knowing what I do now.
2) Is it time to stop "coping" and start living?
Jack's mistress, Cassie, encourages him to stick it out for the money, when he contemplates quitting his lucrative bank job: "You're tough - you can find a way to cope". His response: "Coping is what I've done all my life...I want more from life than money."
Do you feel like you're trying to get through your life, gathering every ounce of spare energy you have and kicking or forcing your body through, as you push through one more project or deadline? This book experience has been like a marathon, one deadline over the other and now the final sprint to the finish. Problem is, when you're running a myopically focused race the rest of your life goes by in a blur - the worst is to find that no one is waiting for you at the finish line.
3) Are you focused on "more", or quality?
Benny: "wanting more and getting more doesn't satisfy...if your intention is to have more, you're already aimed at the wrong target. You'll never find balance in wanting more."
Where in your life are you focusing on "more" to the exclusion of things that count? How might it be hurting you and those around you?
4) Are you awake?
Benny points out to Jack: "You have to be awake to notice the difference."
How can you help yourself to wake up, before an unpleasant event in life forces you to? Could you get away and reflect for a few hours or days? Do you need to get away with your loved ones for a vacation together or even just a fun night out? How can you slow down the pace of your life, in order to ensure that you're awake and that you will notice the difference...before it's too late.
