From the first time I met Maria, she awed me with her careless beauty, impeccable style, and spontaneous hilarity. I secretly hoped that when I reached my 50's, I'd manage to be a little bit like her. It wasn't until she became a client that she told me a secret that few others know: Maria has multiple sclerosis. Before you start feeling sorry for her, you need to know one more thing: she got diagnosed almost thirty years ago.
In her early 30's when the disease hit, she had a high-level corporate job, a business on the side, and was raising four kids in her spare time. She wanted it all and was determined to get it, until MS suddenly knocked her flat. For two years she battled it with one medical therapy after another, without any improvement.
"It was so depressing," she told me, "and I couldn't understand it. Then one day, I realized that I had to change my life. If I wasn't going to live much longer, I decided that I might as well spend my life doing what I want." She reprioritized her life: she made more time for her husband, family, and friends, moved to a small town she loved, and got steadily better. Today, she only gets the slightest hint of symptoms, on days when she hasn't had enough sleep.
Maria radically changed her definition of success and possibly saved her life. Of course, though multiple studies have identified stress as a trigger for MS episodes, it's a complex auto-immune disorder and might not be so easily "cured" in every case. Still, her story fits a pattern I've seen countless times in my patients, many of whom developed serious medical illnesses during very stressful or unbalanced times in their lives.
How do you define success? If you believe society, it's about money, cars, fashion, and fame. How many of your choices have been driven by this all-consuming myth? Studies have shown repeatedly that money and material success aren't statistically associated with long term health and happiness.
I frequently fall into this success trap. When the media calls and when high-powered invitations and tempting offers come one after the other, I find myself sacrificing more and more free time, sleep, and even my relationships.
It's a cycle that that repeats itself in my life: I get things into balance and then a series of events suddenly takes over my schedule. I get incredibly stressed out, and more often than not it's some kind of major physical warning sign that forces me to take my life back.
Most recently, I developed stress-related low back pain that made it hard for me to walk, much less dance. Knowing the importance of listening to my body, I heeded the signs and grabbed a quick, much-needed vacation. Before that, frequent chiropractic visits had helped, but the problem didn't truly go away until the first day of my vacation, when I found myself standing on a beach with no to-do list or Blackberry in sight.
On that vacation, I also started studying yoga. Now I do yoga every morning (at home, using online videos from www.yogajournal.com) and my life and body feel so much better. Even better than before I got stressed in the first place!
What would a successful life look like to you? Would you be exhausted, sleep-deprived and stressed, prematurely aging, catching every cold around, and spending most of your time alone at a desk? I doubt it. So why do so many of us live this way in the name of "success"?
Create a definition of true success for yourself, one that the media and society have nothing to do with. Financial success is a worthwhile goal, but for my life to be truly successful I have to include lots of fun and laughter, fabulous relationships, enough time for me, radiant health, and passionate, meaningful work. I'm about three quarters there. How close are you?
Research and repeated surveys demonstrate that, in spite of our relentless pursuit of the dollar, our relationships and social contacts are the greatest predictor of health and happiness. Unfortunately, as we go for the golden ring our friends and family are usually among the first and hardest hit casualties.
If you had lots of money, fame, and achievements, but didn't have good health or good relationships, how would you feel about that? Is there a possibility, right now, that you're setting yourself up for business success and health and life failure?
Anyone who's briefly lost their health due to an illness or accident knows how desperately important their health suddenly seems. What can you do, starting now, to ensure that when you reach the top in your career, your body won't just keel over, and feebly raise a white flag?
Define real, healthy success for yourself and keep this definition in your mind every day. Remind yourself when you're tempted to pull an all-nighter, or consider canceling a night out with your friends to put in more work on that project, or think you might be able to make it through the day without lunch.
As author Annie Dillard wrote: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
Spend your precious life currency on the things that really count. That's real success.
