I will likely end class a bit early tonight so that I may be couch-side for the debut of ABC's newest 'reality' show, "Find My Family." It will be a tear-jerker, no doubt...much like its blockbuster predecessor, Extreme Makeover-Home Edition.
The dramatic voice-over to the trailer proclaims, "THERE ARE THOSE WHO HAVE GONE A LIFETIME WITH SOMETHING MISSING", followed by evocative participant pronunciations including..."I AM SEARCHING FOR MY BIRTHDAUGHTER...MY SON...MY BIRTHMOTHER", and then returns the voiceover- this time promising that "TONIGHT, WE WILL FIND THEM!"
While I summarily dismiss reality shows for a variety of reasons, ranging from "real life is too short" to "here we go again, a new venue for exploiting the American public", I do secretly find some of them mildly entertaining. However, this new show hits very close to home because it is about adoption. While I can reflect objectivley as both a psychologist and pop culturist, I cannot be quite as dispassionate as an adoptive father.
I appreciate that adoption, as much as it is about new beginnings, bonds forged and hearts mended, is about loss, pain and lifetimes of unanswered questions. It has been estimated that 1-2% of the American population has been adopted, which is well over a milliion children; and that over the last several decades with the increasing acceptance of adoption as an alternative means of family-making, well over a hundred thousand children are adopted annually domestically. Further, it has been estimated that between 11% and 25% of all infertile couples in the United States seek to adopt children. What this means to me is that while 2% of our population is adopted, that many millions more are influenced by the process of adoption. And by this, I mean birth parents, birth siblings, birth half and step siblings, birth grandparents and birth cousins as well as adoptive parents, adoptive siblings, adoptive step and half siblings, adoptive grandparents and adoptive cousins.
I have come to appreciate the complexities of adoption, and even more so, and first hand, the challenges involved in re-connecting adoptees with their birth families. My wife and I are in that very stage of our family's development...and it ain't easy. The search for biological origins effects everyone who adoption has touched over the years from the moment the decision to 'place a child' is made. As much as adoption is about finding, healing, growing, loving and belonging, it is also about loss, old wounds, guillt, sadness, fear and anger. And it is so much more than showing up on doorsteps to eagerly awaiting long-lost family.
I fear that CBS in its quest for ratings, audience share and its place among the pantheon of feel-good networks will understate, if not ignore the real complexities of adoption and reunion. Research by Ullrich Muller and Barbara Perry has told us that at least half of adoptees will formally initiate a search for their biological families, and the body of work by Professor Emeritus David Brodzinsky has helped us to understand the very real psychological complexities of adoption across the lifespan for all involved. And the complexities are very real, and the realities are not always feel-good stories.
I certianly hope that this new show will educate as well as entertain, and provide viewers with a realistic appreciation for the process of adoption, searching and reunion. Perhaps it is that 'romantic' in me that continues to believe that popular culutre in general, and popular television in particular, can be a postive force in our society.
