Let me share with you the parallel between the film and parenting. There are some parents who are so anxious to make sure their child will behave and bend to the parent's wishes that they will intimidate, yell, belittle and bully their child, hoping for submission and success. Perhaps the best known is Tiger Mom Amy Chua, of her own admission. For her the outcome was not a daughter who stutters. But there is no guarantee that intimidation, no matter how well intentioned will have positive results. King George shows us one potential outcome of a parent's yell and tell tactic through his painful speech woes.

Back to the film, finally the soon-to-be king meets a therapist who is very different from any of the other therapists before him. This therapist insists that theirs will be a relationship of equals, at least in the office where therapy is conducted. Our hero is very reluctant to develop a relationship as an equal with someone not of his class. But the therapist holds the promise of delivering the help that our hero wants - smooth, unencumbered speech. The movie proceeds to tell the story of how this friendship develops. Through kindness, support and love, the speech therapist is able to help King George VI succeed.

 

Now back to parenting. When you show your child love and support, helping him learn how to meet his needs for safety, love, power, fun and freedom in responsible ways, your child will succeed. Throughout the process and at the end, you will maintain a loving, respectful relationship with each other. You will not need to use any bullying behaviors for your child's own good. How can something that is not good, like intimidation, ever help your child achieve something that is for her own good? Isn't that the same illogic logic that some parents use to spank (hit) their children in an attempt to teach their children not to hit? What the King's Speech shows, in the telling of this remarkable tale, is how patiently and lovingly teaching a person while you support them, allows them to succeed. And you maintain a mutually satisfying relationship. This is the essence of Peaceful Parenting experience.

 

Teaching your children takes patience. But you have time with your children - hopefully eighteen years or more. As parents you love your children. That doesn't mean there aren't some times in your relationship where you feel annoyed, aggravated or frustrated. But hopefully you always feel love too. Most important of all, parenting takes effort. And when you do your parenting job well, you are putting all three together - patiently and lovingly working with your child for as long as it takes for him to learn how to meet his needs for safety, love, power, fun and freedom responsibly. Parenting is work. And parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.

Are you willing to put in the time and effort it takes to teach, show, demonstrate, over and over again until your toddler understands how to meet her need for power responsibly? Are you willing to repeat and repeat and repeat working out with your child what is necessary for him to responsibly handle the additional freedom and privileges that come with adolescents? Are you willing to spend time, energy and effort, even when you are tired and want to put your feet up and relax, to help your child practice throwing a ball so she can have greater success on her softball team? Are you willing to consider changing some of the rules you have created around homework completion so that your child can meet his friends on a school night? And most important of all, are you willing to do this over and over and over again?

It is quicker and easier to yell, berate, intimidate, bully and punish your child into submission to get what you want - your child to stop doing something you don't want and start doing something you do want. It takes much more time and effort to work with your child to figure out what she wants, tell her what you want and create a plan for both of you to succeed. The first method may be expedient, but is destructive to the relationship between you as well as your child's relationship with herself. And there still is no guarantee of success as the stammering, stuttering adult prince shows us in the movie. No matter how well intentioned, his parents bullying strategies did not work for either of them.

Parenting takes more energy and continual effort than you ever realized. The King's Speech, as wonderful as it is, is only a movie. And the movie version of this remarkable relationship between the king and therapist, two people who became friends, is nothing compared to the intensity and power in a relationship between parent and child. The reward of being a parent is a lifetime of need fulfillment for both, perhaps an even greater reward than that between these two men of the movie. I hope The King's Speech can provide you the inspiration to do what you can, lovingly, patiently continually as you support your child to become the remarkable adult you hope for. Let The King's Speech be one guide to help you stop bullying and start teaching.