Pathological Relationships

Dealing with a problem partner

by Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

Determination in the Life of the Survivor

I've seen the look many times – hundreds of times over the past 20 years, working with (mostly) women who are surviving a pathological love relationship. There is a 'look.' Initially it's a timid look – before she grasps that she really can survive and thrive. Read More

The Spiritual Damage in the Aftermath

There is no doubt that the wreckage from the pathological impacts you emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, and also spiritually. Read More

Let Go or Be Dragged

I don't know who wrote that slogan, but I loved it so much I bought it on a magnet. My first thought was, 'Oh, I love that saying for the women!' But in a flash, I realized it's a slogan for everyone. Read More

My Anniversary of the Plunge into Pathology

The month of May marks my fairly 'official' date (at least in my mind) in which I was thrust into the field of pathology—totally without consent, without warning, and without return to the normal life I knew before May 13, 1983. Twenty-nine years ago, my father bled out in a grungy gutter in Cincinnati after a psychopath plunged a knife into his aorta outside of his jazz club. I was Read More

Is This the New Normal?

The 'new' normal (whatever that is) is code jargon for 'something in your life that changed and for which you just have to suck it up and get use to'. This clicky kind of phrase has crept in the world of pathology too, and even the recovery movement. Read More

How Pathological Is 'Too' Pathological?

In other words, 'How sick is TOO sick?' Read More

When Others Don't Like the 'P' Word

I was recently asked to be on a national TV show to discuss the issue of psychopathy in relationships based on my book Women Who Love Psychopaths. They had looked at the website, read information about the book, discussed what the rest of the show was going to be about, and booked me for the show. Read More

Pathological Systems: A Look at Penn State

The nation was aghast at the Penn State sexual abuse/rape—and subsequent cover up of the repeated assaults of young boys that happened over a 15-year period. This case reminded us that even the most beloved places, those with the best of reputations, have pathology coursing in their veins and leadership. Jerry Sandusky, the former coach, was charged with sexual abuse of several boys. Read More

Am I Who He Says I Am?

One of the chief complaints of having been with a pathological is the 'acquiring' of his view of you. In previous newsletters I discussed the 'pathological world view which is the 'lens' thru which he sees himself, others, and the world. This view of the world is processed through his own pathological disorder which is why his view of the world is not like normal people's view. Read More

Who Does That? Part 2

(Last week we began discussing the ‘who’ of certain behaviors and crimes often perpetrated by Cluster Bs, and how the various systems who come in contact with Cluster Bs have differing names, thus views, of their destructive patterns. You can read last week's newsletter on our magazine site under ' Sandra Says'). Read More

Who Does That? Part 1

Part of our goal at The Institute is not only to help survivors heal from the aftermath of a PLR (Pathological Love Relationship), but it is also to help prevent future relationships with pathologicals. In prevention, The Institute helps survivors to spot overt, glaring pathology. The overt pathology is easy to identify. Read More

Emotional Phantom Limb Pain

In a session someone says, "I really miss what we had. I could get over this if it hadn't been the most wonderful relationship of my life. I just feel like something has been cut out of me—like I'm missing a big part of myself now." Read More

Genetic and Neuro-Physiological Basis for Hyper-Empathy

I heard a universal 'sigh of relief' go out around the world as women read the title of this article. Don't you feel better knowing there really IS some science backing the whole issue of having way too much empathy? Read More

All Memory Is Not Created Equal—Positive Memory Seepage

Intrusive thoughts are associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as other emotional trauma disorders. Many survivors say that the most painful memories are not the intrusive thoughts of all the bad 'stuff,' or even the violence—what is most painful is the intrusive thoughts of good memories. Read More

The Attraction Cocktail

You might be asking yourself "Why me?" Why did you get to be the one to end up in this crazy relationship? What did you do wrong to land THIS guy? The answer begins with what could be called the "Attraction Cocktail". Read More

Mutual Pathology: Gasoline and Fire

Pathology is a mental health issue, not a gender issue. Women have just as much pathology in some areas of personality disorders, as men do in other areas of personality disorders. Some of the 10 personality disorders present more in men, while some of the disorders present more in women. Read More

Healthy Love—What in the World is That?

Hope you're having a good Valentines Day! And since Valentine's Day is upon us, I thought it would be a great discussion about what happens in Pathological Love Relationships—that attraction is on over-drive while love (from a pathological) is lingo-bling. Read More

Real Love, Not Just Real Attraction

So many people confuse the feeling of attraction with the emotion of love. For some who are in chronically dangerous and pathological relationships, it's obvious that you have these two elements "mixed up." Not being able to untangle these understandably, can keep people on the same path of unsafe relationship selection, because they keep choosing the same way and getting the same people! Read More

Trait Examination or Character Assassination?

Part of the problem we face in trying to get to the nitty-gritty of pathological love relationships is that 'how we do it' or 'what we call it' is judged so severely, that it impairs sharing the valuable outcomes that are learned. There are groups of professions, women's organizations, and service agencies that tiptoe around what we 'call' patterns of selection in relationships. Read More

Pacing and Planning Your Own Recovery

Since the beginning of the year, we have been focused on discussing your recovery in great detail. That's because the power of pathology saws people off at the knees. In order to heal, you have to have a plan for your own recovery. Read More

Are You Really as Far Along as You Think You Are?

For the New Year, in the month of January, we have been discussing recovery and finding your path to emotional wellness from pathological love relationships in 2012. When women get mild relief from the unrelenting symptoms of the aftermath with a pathological, it can be palatable to them. Read More

A Focused Recovery: Beginning 2012 with a Completely Different Mind Set

Last week I began the New Year by talking about the issue of healing, recovery, and moving forward. In fact, during the month of January we are going to look at why starting 2012 'differently' can help you move forward in recovering from the aftermath of a pathological love relationship. Read More

Finding Effective Help in 2012

The pathological love relationship is not widely understood. The usual dynamics in regular relationships don't apply to pathological relationships. Not understanding the effects of pathology on relationships, self-concept, and recovery deters a woman's ability to heal. Understanding the differences in these types of relationships is critical. Read More

Pathological Systems: A Look at Penn State

The nation is aghast at the Penn State sexual abuse/rape and subsequent cover up of the repeated assaults of young boys over a 15 year period. This case reminds us that even the most loved of places, those with the best of reputations, can have pathology coursing in its veins and leadership. Read More

Who Does That? - Part 2

(Last entry we began discussing the ‘who' of certain behaviors and crimes often perpetrated by Cluster Bs and how the various systems who come in contact with Cluster Bs have differing names, thus views, of their destructive patterns) Read More

Who Does That?-Part 1

Part of our goal at The Institute is not only to help survivors heal from the aftermath of a PLR (Pathological Love Relationship), but it is also to help prevent future relationships with pathologicals. In prevention, The Institute helps survivors to spot overt glaring pathology. The overt pathology is easy to identify. Read More

All Memory Is Not Created Equal--Positive Memory Seepage

Intrusive thoughts are associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as other emotional trauma disorders. Many of the survivors say what is most painful is not necessarily the intrusive thoughts of the bad stuff or even the violence, but the intrusive thoughts of all the good times. Read More

Recovery Without Justice - An Article for Victims' Rights Month

At the heart of the victims' rights movement that I was involved in during the 1980's after my father's murder was the concept of judicial justice which would lead to psychological justice. It's a great concept and in a perfect world it would work in all situations. Read More

The Successful Pathological

Pathology Education teaches that pathological partners come in all levels of social and economic success.

Survivors say, "He's a doctor" to which I respond "SO?" So what. Doctors, attorneys, clergy, law enforcement---it's not the job that's pathological--- it's the character and personality disorders underneath. Read More

Are You Really As Far Along As You Think You Are?

When women get mild relief from the unrelenting symptoms of the aftermath with a pathological, it can be palatable to them. The relief from intrusive thoughts, obsessions, PTSD, poor sleep, hyper-vigilance, or any other problematic symptom can feel 'healing' to them. Read More