Pathological Relationships

Dealing with a problem partner

Recovering Without Validation

Getting over the aftermath of a pathological with very little legal justice

Last week we talked about the difficulties—and yet the real possibilities—of having to recover without justice. Many of you wrote me because you have indeed had the experience of facing getting over the aftermath of a pathological with very little legal justice. It doesn't mean that you don't pursue your own rights. You should always stand up for what you believe in. It's just that if the universe tilts in his favor yet again, or the courts continue to not support you, you still have to heal. For your own recovery and your own future, you must still heal.

It is the same as today's message—Healing Without Validation. Sometimes NO ONE believes he was pathological, a monster, did the things we said he did. He continues on in his job looking normal and even successful while the women looks hysterical, unstable, and out of her mind. Mr. Pathological schmoozes with your friends, family, or bosses convincing all those around us he never did what you said he did, doesn't have the traits you accuse him of, and is just trying to get a good guy to a freaked out woman.  

Mr. Pathological turns friends against you. Your attorney starts to believe HIS version of the story. Cops withhold restraining orders because 'he seems like such a nice guy' and even your children take his side.

This is the 'conning' side of his personality. Most pathologicals are octagon—they have eight sides! His charming side, intellectual side, friendly side, professional side, rageful side, addiction side, mentally ill side and lying/conning side.  But many other people don't see the negative sides of rage, addiction, mental illness, lying and conning. His positive side that faces outward to the general public is charming, intellectual, friendly, and professional. It is no wonder that women have to go through the recovery process with very little validation.

It is pathology websites, books and programs that help women heal when they find their validation in other stories, research, books, forums, and organizations designed to respond to pathological love relationships.  The validation you are seeking comes from others who have been through it not from the pathologicals who are hard wired to have no insight about their disorder. And validation often does not come from those who have not personally seen the dichotomies of his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sides. That could include not receiving the much needed validation from your family or friends. Examine where it is you are trying to receive validation and adjust it to a realistic group who has experienced what you have. THAT'S where your validation will come from.  

The Institute's phone coaching, tele-support groups, and retreats are created to give the pathological education and validation for what you have experienced. Let us know if we can help bring healing to your pathological love relationship trauma.

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Gender Disclaimer: The issues The Institute writes about are mental health issues. They are not gender issues. Both females and males have the types of Cluster B disorders we often refer to in our articles. Our readership is approximately 90% female therefore we write for those most likely to seek out our materials. We highly support male victims and encourage others who want to provide support to male victims to encompass the issues we discuss only from a female perpetrator/male-victim standpoint. Cluster B Education is a mental health issue applicable to both genders.
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Sandra L. Brown, M.A., is CEO of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education.

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