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IT'S HERE! What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend is in stores today, Sept 28! We are thrilled, elated, terrified, and estatic! So... why DOES Lissa talk about vaginas so darn much? Good question. Let's find out.
The closer I got to my book tour (which I'm on now! Hello, Chicago!) for What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, the more resistance I faced from those who think we’re better off not talking about vaginas. If you’re one of those people who thinks vaginas are best kept quiet, this post is for you. Here’s an example from my email box.
I do not get the whole Vagina Talk thing.
I didn’t understand Vagina Monologues. I can say “vagina” but really have no reason to do so. I am an entire person, not just a vagina. I think talking about vaginas actually takes away from the fact that we are women, we are entire beings of emotion and intelligence. So I don’t think we should focus on vaginas.
I am a very open person regarding sex, and have I raised 3 daughters to do the same. We have discussed sexual preferences, even such things as anal intercourse. But I don’t understand all the fuss. I am a woman, and I enjoy sex, but I can be all that I can be without standing up and shouting the word vagina.
Just sayin’.
Love,
Stacey
So why not talk about vaginas?
When I got this letter, I spend an hour writing a loooooong response, which I’ll abbreviate for you here. Basically, I think we must talk about vaginas because we should talk about all of our body parts. We talk openly and without shame about our big toes, our eyeballs, our elbows, and our belly buttons. So why not talk about vaginas?
But there’s an even more important reason. Unlike the arm or the pinkie finger or the nose, the vagina carries with it a lot of baggage. Vaginas give us unique joys and sorrows as women. We birth our children through them, have mindblowing orgasms with them, and all too often suffer terribly because of them. Way too many women have suffered traumas in the vagina. Rape, sexual molestation, abortion, painful sex, even traumatic experiences at the gynecologist’s office, can come back to haunt you if you don’t talk about them. You may wind up with chronic pelvic pain or cervical cancer or a herpes outbreak that just won’t go away. And you may be suffering emotionally in other ways that you don’t even associate with your vaginal health and experience. When you ignore your vagina and keep silent about it, physically or emotionally, things fester.
The gynechiatrist
My patient Hillary came to me because she had been trying to get pregnant for over four years. She took her temperature, peed on sticks, had sex at the right time, ate well, and prayed. And every month, when she began to bleed, she cried. She had done all the fertility tests, and everything came back normal. No one could explain why she wasn’t conceiving, so she came to me -- the gynechiatrist.
When I asked her to talk about her vagina, Hillary confessed that she had been molested by her uncle when she was a little girl. She had never told her mother or stood up to her uncle. Instead, she buried it deep within her pelvis and hoped it would go away. Then she found out he had molested three other girls in her family. And she feared for the safety of his own children, who were still young.
When I told her that we carry our traumas deep inside and they may manifest as gynecologic problems, she said, “I need to tell everyone, don’t I?” And I nodded.
Hillary did tell her family and started seeing a therapist, and two months later, she got pregnant. You might argue that this is just coincidence, but I don’t think so. I’ve seen this happen in one way or another too many times in my career.
When I explained all of this to Stacey in an email, she wrote back with a passionate letter about how both she and her daughters had been sexually molested. She told me all the details in a long letter, about how they suffered at the hands of a man, how they have healed, and how they are trying to put the past behind them so they can move on. At the end of the letter, she said, “Thank you for letting me feel heard. That felt good.”
Why should we talk about vaginas?
For that very reason. Talking about vaginas opens women up to talk about so much more; giving your vagina a voice can set you free. It’s all part of embracing your power and accepting and loving the whole you. So let’s liberate ourselves and OWN this part of our bodies. Say it with me. VAGINA.
What do you think? Have you ever talking to your vagina or listened to what she has to say? Does vagina talk weird you out? Does it feel silly or trivial? Does it feel empowering or celebratory? Do you love it, hate it, feel indifferent to it? Do you carry any traumas in your vagina? If you gave your vagina a voice, what would it say?
Vagina vagina vagina,
Lissa
What's Up Down There? Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend is available NOW -- you can help us reach our goal of 5,000 books sold in the first week by pre-ordering your copy now. Want to receive a special newsletter with the inside scoop on Lissa's journey in writing the book, the Fall Book Tour, and lots of other goodies? Join TEAM PINK and serve on the frontlines of the What's Up Down There movement, and be sure to visit the What's Up Down There? blog to sample questions like those answered in the book!
