I married into a large Irish/Italian Catholic family of athletes, coaches, and teachers. My husband, an athlete himself, was the baby of the family by 10 years and more. We watched his married brothers and sister organize their lives around their children's
sports schedules for years. With eight children in one family, seven and five in the others, it was a mammoth undertaking, and one made with love. Like many of you, they believed it was important for the health of their children's bodies and minds; that sports would teach them good values and fill their time with wholesome fun. All of this proved true. Several earned athletic scholarships to college and some are
coaching today.
When our children came along we followed their example. First, while living in Auburn during the era of Charles Barkley and Bo Jackson, our girls were involved in swimming and had the good fortune to be coached by future Olympic Women's Swimming Coach Richard Quick and his Assistant Coach was Rowdy Gaines, who would later become an Olympic Gold Medalist. Later, with my husband coaching, they got into basketball, softball, and track. They learned a lot from those experiences and have grown up to be strong women who are now shuffling their own schedules and checkbooks around so that their children can have similar wholesome experiences: swimming, basketball, softball, baseball, lacrosse, tennis. What am I leading up to? I'm leading up to the importance of coaches, their powerful influence, and the bottom-line trust parents endow them with when they drop their children off for practice or a game.
The Penn State debacle is a wake-up call for all of us. Be alert. Know your children's coaches and listen to your children's stories about them. Take action if anything questionable is going on. Intervene on the children's behalf. Decide now how you would report suspected child abuse. If you're not sure, contact a local child advocacy center and learn from them. I particularly recommend Darkness to Light, an outstanding national program. View this short YouTube video for a detailed description: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSJSXq2Y4Xc
If you are the coach, and you're coaching children's games, take time to reflect on what kind of a coach you are. Several years ago the National Institute for Child Centered Coaching prepared a 10-question quiz designed to help you evaluate yourself. It was printed in USA Today under the title "What Kind of Coach Are You?" and was given to me as a clipping. (I've never been unable to find the author or the date.) The instructions are to circle the response that best reflects your thoughts about each sentence:
•1. The major reason children should be involved in sports is for fun, not winning.
- A) No. Winning is important to young children and older children.
- B) Sort of. Winning is important but not necessary.
- C) Yes. Enjoyment is the key; winning is only secondary.
•2. It is important for children to learn how to compete at an early age.
- A) Yes. They stand a better chance of being successful later in life.
- B) Sort of. Competition is important, but it shouldn't be the basis for playing sports for a young person.
- C) No. The earlier young children learn to be competitive the less enjoyment they might have in playing.
•3. A good, strong self-image can be developed in young children with a no-nonsense approach to coaching.
- A) Yes. They need to be told who the boss is, and to follow the rules.
- B) Sort of. Children need to be managed with a firm yet reasonable approach.
- C) No. Children need to be encouraged to try their best.
•4. Praising a child's ability is OK, but a coach shouldn't overdue it.
- A) Yes. If praised too often, they'll develop a false sense of their abilities.
- B) Sort of. Children need to be told accurately and honestly about their weaknesses.
- C) No. If it's honest praise, there is no such thing as "overdoing it."
•5. Children who develop too high of a sense of self-esteem grow up being spoiled.
- A) Take any one of those high-priced superstars in today's sports, and you'll see what a spoiled child is like.
- B) A child must be taught humility; a child with high self-esteem often acts conceited.
- C) Children with high self-esteem often make the best players.
•6. Most parents want their young children to win - not necessarily to have fun.
- A) Agree
- B) Some do, but not all
- C) Parents need to be educated.
•7. Disciplining a child in front of the team sets an example for others.
- A) Other children learn to do the right thing really fast.
- B) Peer pressure is the most effective form of team discipline.
- C) Disciplining a child is a private issue between coach and child.
•8. Team rules should be set by the coach and given to the players.
- A) A coach needs to show who's in charge; children must respect authority.
- B) A coach needs to demonstrate leadership; children need to comply.
- C) A coach needs to provide guidance; children should be empowered.
•9. The coach sometimes acts like a teacher; sometimes like a parent.
- A) A coach should not be confused with a parent or teacher; a coach is a coach.
- B) A coach might sometimes take on the role of a teacher or parent but should remain first a coach.
- C) A coach is at times a parent and a teacher.
•10. A parent's role in children's sports should be:
- A) To be mildly involved
- B) To be moderately involved
- C) To be involved to the maximum level.
To score your responses, give each "A" response 1 point; each "B" response 2 points; and each "C" 3 points.
If you totaled:
10-16 points: Attitudes of traditional coaching; believes winning is the primary reason for playing sports; takes a hard line in discipline; uses an autocratic approach to coaching; finds little value for potential involvement; needs a lot more instruction in child-centered coaching philosophy and techniques.
17-23 points: Tendency toward leadership, not autocatic rule; problem-solving, not ruling; motivating, not commanding. Needs continued study and practice in child-centered philosophy.
24-30 points: Believes in making the game fun; is willing to be both a parental figure and teacher; offers guidance, encouragement, and support; encourages parents to help child to continue practicing skills.
My vote goes for the 24-30 point style. These days, when I'm watching one of my grandchildren's games I'm always pleased to see a coach who speaks respectfully to the children, gives each one of them a chance to play, pats them on the back, smiles, has a kind word for the disappointed child who strikes out, fumbles the ball, botches up the play. I like it when they call the team together after the game, celebrate the good moves, and evaluate realistically key opportunities lost. Coaches like this are community heroes, teaching our children the golden rule of good sportsmanship; teaching them integrity.
