A friend of mine likes to say that everyone should have at least one good in-law. I lucked out. I married into a tribe of good relatives, most of whom are teachers or coaches or both. They care about children, all children...not just their own. My sister-in-law is a shining light among them. Most of her adult life has been spent nurturing children. Mother of seven; grandmother of fifteen, she's kind, gentle, and involved. The behavior and motives of child abusers and kidnappers are incomprehensible to her. She and one of my nieces came down from New York to visit us this week, and along with
laughing over funny family stories, we discussed several serious topics recently covered in the news. Jaycee Dugard was on the top of the list the other night when six of us gathered for dinner and the questions began. Did you read about her in
People? Did you see her interviewed by Diane Sawyer? She's beautiful. How could she be so composed? Why wasn't she crying? And my sister-in-law's consternation: "She was under such horrible living conditions. Her life was a living hell. I just don't understand why she didn't leave or tell someone, at times when she had a chance."
Jaycee never had a chance; nor did Elizabeth Smart. A child held in captivity has no freedom. She's totally dependent on her captor, whose goal is to destroy her sense of self in relation to others. This goal is accomplished through the systematic, repetitive infliction of psychological trauma designed to instill terror and helplessness. In Trauma and Recovery, one of my favorite books covering this phenomenon, Judith Herman, M.D., explains it. "Fear is also increased by inconsistent and unpredictable outbursts of violence and by capricious enforcement of petty rules. The ultimate effect of these techniques is to convince the victim that the perpetrator is omnipotent, that resistance is futile, and that her life depends upon winning his indulgence through absolute compliance. The goal of the perpetrator is to instill in his victim not only fear of death but also gratitude for being allowed to live....In addition to inducing fear, the perpetrator seeks to destroy the victims sense of autonomy. This is achieved by scrutiny and control of the victim's body and bodily functions...Once the perpetrator has succeeded in establishing day-to-day bodily control of the victim, he becomes a source not only of fear and humiliation but also of solace. The hope of a meal, a bath, a kind word, or some other ordinary creature comfort can become compelling to a person long enough deprived." (pps.77, 78)
I didn't watch last week's interview until last night, and when I did I noticed that Diane Sawyer had also asked Jaycee why she didn't leave. I imagine that it's a question on many people's minds, even if, like my sister-in-law, they've already heard Jaycee's answer. Because unless you've lived in a hell hole with insanity and evil you cannot imagine the true meaning of desperation.
Jaycee Dugard's mission in writing her memoir, A Lost Life, and in being interviewed, is to offer hope to others and to facilitate her continued healing. My intention in writing this blog was to help people understand the dynamics of captivity and to express my admiration, gratitude, and support to Jaycee and her mom, whose love, early and continuing nurturing is, I believe, a major factor in the development of Jaycee's strength.
If you missed last week's interview you can tune in again tonight at 9pm ET to see it on your TV. I understand that you can also watch it on your ipad or iphone by simply downloading the ABC app and selecting it.
