Our Gender, Ourselves

The changing American family

The Hookup Culture Hurts Women

Women say they're happy having no-strings sex, but new research casts doubt on how empowering casual trysts really feel. Read More

Pounding

"Pounding" as a usage confirms that some genres of erotica (you call porn) are not proper media for sexual education. It also suggests to me boastful (probably highly exaggerated) male behaviors.

Over time, men who engage in this "pounding" behavior will only find themselves "pounding" their hands. But only after doing damage to themselves and the women with whom they engage in sexual activity.

I wholeheartedly agree that young women should only engage in behaviors that are advantageous to them. If hooking-up is not, they should not "hook-up" or only "hook-up" under their terms with "non-pounders".

I think the cure for this is to open up non-prudish discussion about sex. This might also equalize the benefits available to men and women who choose to engage in causal sex.

Reliance on "porn" of the genre you describe for sexual education (male or female) is about as helpful as relying on romance novels for sexual education. And, for that matter "The Rules" for sating and relationship advice.

Hooking up is not at all confined to male chauvinists

Nor is it limited to college. In dorm years, you'll see more active hooking up, as well as more chauvinist attitudes of boys posturing themselves as men, etc.

But "hooking up" isn't At All limited to male chauvinists or young college kids, any more than it's limited to Latinos vs Whites vs Blacks, etc. It's a human nature thing.

Many women despise "hooking up" because it's associated with male chauvinism, while others when they are more mature, realize that it's not -- any more than dating itself is.

It's a social stigma, unfortunately. Being told they're a receptacle. Tsk, tsk. Very inaccurate -- no more a receptacle than a guy is just a hose. "Hooking up" being an act of disdain and looked down upon is by society -- as well as the concept that it's males who are "using" the women.

In the 'dating world', men tend to be the approachers, women tend to be the acceptors/deniers. As much as that tends to flow, and the cultural (with biological roots) desire for the men to be the leaders, and the women be the kid-in-adult-body followers -- the more you'll see males looking down on women -- whether they're hooking up or not. And when it is dealing with hooking up, yes, it makes it worse.

To help nix this, as society is, albeit at a glacial pace, is to shed the whole "man leads, women follows" mentality when it comes to all forms of interaction. It will help get rid of ASSUMED "receptacle" mentality even when it's not at all. Second, that casual sex is Not a bad thing. That is much harder, as for a father, it's much more difficult to lie to oneself that they'd be just as comfortable having his teenage daughter have carefree sex than his teenage son.

The concept of female inferiority, even subtle and just woven into things when it comes to emotion & male-female interaction, will always keep alive the notion that women are "used" when they have sex with a guy who initiates it (among most other things he's "supposed to" initiate), when he doesn't like her much.

And for a guy who ends up liking the girl when it was supposed to be just hooking up -- or he liked her but they had sex "too soon" -- and in the end, she doesn't like him? "Oh, you're a guy, don't even come close to any victim card. You had sex, that's what you're supposed to do." Embrace that notion when guys are hurt -- you're embracing women as being receptacles when they have casual (or even non-casual) sex.

rambling

Todd, your writing is prolix, rambling and incoherent. Grammar, sentence structure and spelling are good, but your points are diluted by your long-winded verbal embellishments. You sound like a bright but inexperienced armchair philosopher enjoying hearing himself pontificating in the coffee lounge of a college student center.

Hello Anonymous...

Wow, you have some issues. I'm assuming you disagree with me and felt the need to go off. Calm down. :)

intelligence

Huh? Maybe you just didn't have the intelligence to understand Todds comment, or the maturity to appreciate it. I suppose what I am saying is that you are an immature idiot.

There you go. I really didn't want to just imply what I was trying to say.

Women are 'receptacles' in

Women are 'receptacles' in the sense that they can get pregnant when 'hooking up' and they're more likely to contract STI's as a result of hooking up. Sadly for women, simple biological reality is often missing from this debate as everyone runs around pretending that the risks and consequences of casual sex are exactly the same for men and women, in the name of PC female 'empowerment'.

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Peggy Drexler, Ph.D. is a research psychologist, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University and author of two books about modern families and their children.

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