Our Gender, Ourselves

Very much agree that mothers (and patents in general) that put in so much effort should not be put down and should be helped/respected in what is societies toughest and yet most important job.

Now that is clear, the question is how to address it and especially with mothers' self criticism or feedback that is misunderstood as criticism?

What really caught my eye in this article was the example at the end which mentioned the son talking about the kaki pants and the single mom's worries about financial issues. While my mom, is not a single parent, she raised six kids and my dad had to work extra hours so they could afford sending us through colleague. They where always stretched for time and worried about finances. As a young boy I got used to saying 'no thanks, do not need it' as I felt bad to accept or ask for things. But I do not think mothers should look at it in a negative way (or use it to self criticize themselves), but more an expression of a young boy’s love for his mother and eagerness to help. In the example, it was probably that the boy’s need to support his mother was more important to him than the kakis.

After growing up (now 29), I would say it made me a better man...I do not take things for granted, I work hard to take care of myself and my family, and am very proud of my mom.

I am a single father of three and a man of color.Quite frankly it is difficult to find much empathy for moms in this regard. As a child, growing up, i grew weary and resentful of my mom, who seemed hellbent in making her children feel guilty for being born, even though it wasn't our decision, because of how hard her job was. I live in the SF bay area, where it is common to see men,often by themsselves, taking care of their kids. I've noticed something about the men i don't see in the women as much. These men, unlike the women, don't spend nearly as much time bitching about taking care of their kids. I noticed this when my children were very young and we would go to the parks and playgrounds; moms bitch so much about taking care of their kids. Additionally, these women seem to also have a different set of expectations of how the world should treat them as moms the then men who do the same job. What's also interesting is the fact that men, who stay at home as the primary caregiver, don't get nearly the support that women get when they are the primary caregiver. They tend to be isolated from friends, family and society and the kinds of support mothers take for granted. In fact, men who the primary care givers are treated, by and large by society and women as helpers, not quite as good as mothers. The problem, could be helped greatly, if moms took some time to gain a different perspective. For instance, it's not all about the mother! Families, nowadays, are configured in a variety of ways; some don't even have mothers at all and there are getting it done. I think once mothers let go the idea that they are straw that stirs the family drink we will all be better off. We have a bizarre beliefs in western culture full of romantic nonsense about a "mothers love" being better than other kinds of love, which it is not.