The price of conformity is feeling stale, stuck, false and timid. To be original you have to question everyone-including yourself.

Family dynamics or birth order may influence you. In a study of how Darwin differed from his peers, historian of science Frank Sulloway argues that firstborns, who rule the home until the advent of change-in the form of that screaming infant sibling--usually defend the status quo throughout their lives. The most revolutionary thinkers, he argues, are those who like Darwin and Benjamin Franklin (the fifteenth of 17), are born late into large families, and develop "revolutionary personalities."

But birth order isn't destiny. Sulloway's larger point is that the capacity to conceive and accept revolutionary ideas is tied to personality rather than innate ability. Some of us are more flexible than others. And within each person there is room for change, a range of choice.

Two enemies to independent thinking are fear and the desire to be right. Are you anxious whenever people openly disagree? Afraid that your ideas could turn you into a pariah? You can be forty and feel like you're fourteen. Fear of rejection may constrict your world as completely as Christoff, the egomaniacal director of the Truman Show, controls Truman's. According to Deanna Kuhn, professor of psychology at Teachers College in New York, if you're comfortable with disagreement you can make your case in ways that don't threaten others. "There's a key difference between criticizing an idea and criticizing a person," she explains. "You can be tolerant and cautious without withdrawing from a debate."

We all want to be liked, but you can be independent-minded and charming, as long as you are respectful and willing to listen.

The other obstacle is your desire to be right, all the time.. No one likes to admit error or drop cherished beliefs. As the turn of the century psychiatrist William Alanson White once put it, "The trouble with people is not so much with their ignorance as it is with their knowing so many things that are not so." Creative thinkers drop assumptions and look hard at their own thought process, catching the logical errors that human beings seem hardwired to make over and over again.

If you want to be smarter, read Thomas Kida's book, Don't Believe Everything You Think (Prometheus Books, 2006). Another eye-opener is Stumbling on Happiness," by the Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. He explains the neurological truth that our brains are selective, cherry picking what to store. We're impressionistic creatures, and for a good reason: there's too much information to handle it all. People usually tag the emotional quality of an event or relationship by its ending, for instance, which is why divorced people so often can't remember what they enjoyed in their marriage. All this editing means we don't necessarily know when we were happy-day to day, minute to minute--in the past. All we know are some stories our brains, like a garrulous great aunt, loves to repeat.

What are some signs you're going along for the ride?

1. Everyone you know agrees with you.
2. You know you're right, but you can't say why. Actually, you haven't thought about it.
3. You trust your own experience; you don't need any numbers or generalizations to back you up. (This may feel like independent thinking, but in fact, you've probably interpreted your experience in line with unexamined conventions).
4. You'd rather watch a re-run than read a new book, listen to a new musician, or attend a lecture or play.
5. If you thought otherwise, your mother would kill you, your boss would fire you, and your boyfriend wouldn't love you anymore.

In the next post, I'll suggest some ways to "pull a Truman" and find what's real.


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