When shopping for mattresses, we're advised to trust our feelings. You'll know the mattress for you, doctors and salespeople say: it'll just feel good.
Sadly, this is not true. The one you liked immediately may be a mistake. This is one of many ways choosing a mattress and mate is alike.
Never buy a mattress without the option to return or exchange.
In my case, the morning after my first night on a new firm new mattress, I awoke with an unfamiliar stabbing sensation just above my butt. With a second plushier mattress, I awoke exhausted. On my third try, I chose one that was neither especially soft nor firm: the middle chair for Goldilocks.
At home, I had shooting pains running up and down my spine.
The moment arrived when I wondered if I was the problem, and that if my needs were reasonable any of these mattresses might have been able to meet them. The analogies with romance became impossible to miss.
Among them: Blaming yourself doesn't make you happy with your mattress.
Keeping in mind that: You're affected even when you're not actually with the mattress. With the wrong mattress you're stuck on the surface of yourself, you toss and turn more than usual and miss out on the most restorative, deep-dreaming sleep. Much science demonstrates that missing out on deep dreamtime increases sensitivity to pain-all day long. The wrong one weakens you. The right one makes life more pleasant.