Office Diaries

An insider's guide to success in the workplace

Six Reasons & One Cause for Cheating

Isn't it odd how we could love someone like this?

Who cheats, and why? When I saw the question, I couldn't resist. It's something my brain does automatically when prompted for an answer. It acts like a distillery needing to consolidate, streamline, and then create understanding in the fewest words possible. It's as if there is a pair of hands in my head squeezing out excess words the way wringing a wet towel rids it of extra water.

What can I say, it's how I'm wired. Sometimes, it's even how I put myself to sleep at night. I'll take a conundrum, whittle it down and try to explain the mysteries of the world and people's behavior in one word.

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So, who does cheat anyway and why? It's really not all that complicated, not if we don't make it so. They are simply people who:

1. Long for the attention that goes with being wanted and desired and rely on it to feel better about themselves.

2. Don't care about their effect on the person to whom they've promised fidelity, or at least not enough to control their impulses, desires and/or libido.

3. Put themselves and their own needs first.

4. Are bored and look for excitement in passion and/or romance.

5. Have little or no sex in their relationships and justify needing to go elsewhere to get it.

6. Are inherently insecure and use sex with another person to feed their egos and/or prove something that they are desperate to believe about themselves.

In the end, as clichéd as it may be, they are people looking for love in all the wrong places - meaning outside themselves.They are afraid to be truthful with their partners about who they really are and how they really feel, and as a result, tend to leave nothing but muck and yuck in their wakes.

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Donna Flagg is the author of Surviving Dreaded Conversations.

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