Off the Couch

Thoughts about the therapeutic process, and the dynamics of client-therapist interactions.

by F. Diane Barth, LCSW

Calorie Counts on Menus -- Good or Bad Psychology?

Are new regulations requiring chain restaurants to post calories helpful? Or is there a possibility that they could do some serious damage to individuals already struggling with eating issues? Is there a better way to manage our unhealthy eating habits? Read More

Mistakes Happen, 6 Ways to Turn Them to Your Advantage

You walk up the aisle at your best friend’s wedding and your pants, which are too big, start to slide down. You hold them up till you’re at his side and handing him the ring, at which time you forget to hold on, and they slip down your legs. You want to slip quietly out the side door and never face anyone in the wedding party again.What do you do instead? Read More

A Simple Technique For Feeling Better in the Here and Now

“I just need to lose fifteen pounds, and I’ll be happy.” “When I get my new job, everything will be fine!” “Once I get into a college, I’ll be good.” Read More

The Great College Hoax

My office was filled with tears and virtual (and some real) hair-pulling this past week as not just high school seniors, but their parents struggled to cope with letters telling them that their dream of getting into a top tier college was not going to coming true. Read More

Are you breathing?

Recently I have been learning about breathing. I know, it sounds crazy. I do already know how to breathe, and so do all of my clients. But one workshop with Dr. Richard Brown offers "breathing techniques to relieve stress and improve mood, mental focus, and cardiorespiratory health." I'd like to share this with my clients, but I'm a little hesitant. Read More

Be Happy -- Just Think Negative Thoughts!!

Can pessimism make you happier than optimism? A new study says it's possible. Read More

March Madness Lessons: Sometimes it's better to lose

I am no longer invited to watch the NCAA basketball tournament on television with my husband. (In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, in March the college basketball conferences playoffs culminate in a three week national tournament – aptly named “March Madness”). An avid and lifelong Duke fan, he cannot believe that I get upset for the kids on the losing team... Read More

Afraid to Take a Chance?

In the past two weeks, three different clients told me they were going sky-diving. My first thought was “not.” My second was “better them than me.” Read More

Empathy, understanding and mirror neurons

Morgan* sat across from me and stared at me angrily. “I can’t believe you’re asking me how I felt,” she said. “I was sad. Anyone would be sad in that situation. Surely you know what that feels like.” Read More

8 Ways to Find Love after a Break-up

“I can’t believe that I’m trying to start dating again at the age of fifty-three. My niece signed me up for an online dating service, but I don’t have the stomach for this.” “This time around I’m going to be picky. I want someone who understands me.” “I just want a friend.” “I just want a sexual partner.” Read More

What Does It Mean?

Dave* came to see me because his supervisor at work thought he was taking things too personally. “What does that mean?” I asked. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you should ask her,” he said. Read More

Want to Know Someone Better? The Data's In the Details

Meri* had been dating Jon* for two months. She was starting to think that this might be the real thing. And then, by accident, she learned that he was still involved with his old girlfriend. Read More

It's Not About You: Dealing With Internet Date Rejections

If you’ve ever signed up for an online dating service, you’ve most likely heard or said – or both – something like this at some point or another. You’ve also probably had people disappear altogether. Silence. Missing in action. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Nothing. Read More

Not getting what you want from your relationship?

What happens when a couple loves each other and wants to stay together, but just can't put up with certain behaviors or characteristics? Is there hope for these relationships? Read More

Weighing in: Four "weighs" to like yourself better now!

Mona* was a large woman who wore baggy clothes and pulled her gloriously thick, shiny hair back into a tight ponytail. In our first meeting, she told me, “If I could just lose weight, I’d be happy.” When I asked her to tell me more about that daydream, she looked at me with irritation. “It’s not a daydream." Read More

Take my mother-in-law: 6 steps to good in-law relationships

“I love my husband. But his mother…” “Why doesn’t my daughter-in-law like me?” “My brother-in-law ruins every family gathering.” From wedding preparations to holiday celebrations to parenting and childcare, why are in-laws so often nothing but thorns in our sides? Here are six simple, psychologically-based steps for dealing with these difficult family relationships. Read More

9 Quotes About Seeking -- and Finding -- Safety

How do we find safety in an unsafe world? These quotes have helped others. Hopefully they'll help you, too. Read More

Right guy, wrong relationship?10 questions to ask yourself

Cara* still couldn’t believe it. Her boyfriend had broken up with her because, he said, he just wasn’t ready to get serious yet. Two weeks later she learned that he was dating a colleague; and two months after that, he was engaged to be married to that other woman. Read More

Indulge Mindfully this holiday

What is it about the holiday season that makes us throw caution to the wind, toss out all of last year’s resolutions, and overdo just about everything? And what can you do to make this year different, but still have fun? 7 tips to make this a happy, almost binge-free holiday! Read More

Not feeling thankful this Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is early this year, before many in the Northeast have had a chance to recover from the psychological and physical damage caused by Hurricane Sandy. Marianne* watched as trees fell all around her home, destroying neighbors’ cars and homes. She felt incredibly lucky that her own home somehow escaped damage. And she felt guilty that she could not feel happier. Read More

Why a Little Conflict Can Improve a Relationship

Beatrice* is a clean freak and her husband Eric* but he can’t stand clutter. They have been happily married for seventeen years, have two great kids, and have similar views about politics, money, child-rearing, religion and in-laws. So why do they argue almost every day? Read More

Managing Anxiety in the Face of Real Danger

One of the problems with the buildup to weather-related dangers like Hurricane Sandy is that even while we are being told what to do to prepare for the situation, our anxiety is being increased by the reports of the terrible damage it is going to do. Read More

Why Boundaries Are Important

For a number of weeks Mathew* had been regaling me with stories of kinky sex with the latest in a series of women he had been dating. And then one day I asked him how he felt about her. Read More

Money, Selfishness...and Love

Annie* used almost an entire box of tissues in her first therapy session with me. Barely able to talk through her tears, she managed to let me know that her marriage was in deep trouble. The main problem, she said, was money. Read More

I Promised My Dad He'd Never Go to a Nursing Home

Dad watched good friends die in nursing homes and told us he’d rather shoot himself than go to one of them. Like many of our peers, my brothers and I promised him that it would never happen. But breaking that promise turned out to be one of the best things we've ever done! Read More

When is Spring Cleaning Too Clean?

Mattie throws away everything. She does not have a broken knife or a slightly melted spatula in her kitchen, a beloved moth-eaten sweater in her dresser drawer, or a torn or tattered or read long-ago book on her shelves. Of course she has a lovely home — neat, clean, elegant, and uncluttered. But she seems to have to get rid of many things that she might still enjoy. Read More

The Great Myth of Hard Work

Mary Lou* had just been to see her doctor before she came to see me. “My doctor says I need to lose weight,” she said. “Duh. I knew that. And you know how hard I’ve been trying.” I nodded. “But she says I’m not trying hard enough. She says if I really want to lose weight, I can do it. I just have to work harder at it.” Read More

Yoga and the Psychology of Manners

While I was waiting to get my hair cut the other day, I watched as a toddler, waiting with her dad while her mom was getting her hair trimmed, methodically peeled the leaves off of every plant in the salon. Neither the father, who was busy with his email, nor the mother, who was looking right at her daughter, said a word. Read More

Busy Parents Need Vacations—6 tips for making your time off work for you and your family

The summer my son turned three, I came home from work to find my son and his babysitter waiting for me with long faces. “We couldn’t find them, Mommy,” my son said as I walked in the door. “We looked everywhere, Diane,” the babysitter added. Read More

Coping with Vacation Accidents and Illnesses

Like most people, my husband and I never thought about getting hurt on vacation. Then a friend visiting from England broke his leg playing softball in New York City’s Central Park. Not only was that the end of his and his family’s vacation, but after surgery and recovery, they needed an extra seat to get on the flight home with the huge, inflexible cast he was now wearing. Read More